Resentment in psychology is a strong destructive feeling that has a destructive effect. Taking offense, people refuse to communicate with loved ones, change the attitude of others to themselves, harm their own health. It leaves behind pain and emptiness that will haunt for a long time: days, weeks, even years. When the pain gradually calms down, hurtful words, gestures, and looks suddenly reappear in the memories - and the state returns, and with the same strength. To avoid such situations, one must learn to transform negative reactions, get rid of the accumulated attitudes that are harmful to harmony.

The psychology of resentment

A state of resentment arises when one, during communication, says or commits actions that go beyond what is permissible in the opinion of the other. It is characterized by the following conditions:

• dislike;
• irritation;
• mental pain;
• annoyance;
• feeling of betrayal;
• the desire to inflict the same injury on the interlocutor;
• exclusively subjective assessment of the situation due to blocking of consciousness;
• anger.

In psychology, the basis of resentment is a state after unfulfilled expectations from the interlocutor:

• real - I expected you to fulfill your promise;
• imaginary - I thought you would do this and not otherwise.

The reaction comes regardless of the nature of the expectations. Then she goes along one of the paths: it breaks out or hides inside the personality. The first path in most cases leads to conflicts, the second - to internal and prolonged coldness in relation to the offender.

While one of the parties to the conflict is offended, the other feels guilty. If this does not happen, the state of resentment becomes useless. The feeling of resentment cannot be experienced in relation to an object that will not be able to react: animals, unfamiliar, inanimate objects. They will not cause resentment and those who will definitely avoid remorse will refuse to correct the situation. Their words will rather leave a reaction of anger, annoyance, insult.

How to deal with resentment?

The reaction to an unpleasant situation depends on the type of personality:

• persons with increased expressiveness, choleric people, active extroverts throw out their emotions on their opponents. The resulting misunderstanding affects the relationship, can quarrel, make enemies;
• persons of a melancholic disposition prefer to keep a negative reaction inside, put pressure on the opponent's conscience with hidden levers. Feeling unfair in the other person causes depression. The conflict may not bear a bright negative connotation, but such people can be offended for years, hiding their view of what happened and not trying to rectify the situation.

The psychology of personal resentment: how does this feeling arise and what is it fraught with?

The basis of personal negative reactions is considered to be wrong ideas about the interlocutor, comparing his picture of the world with his worldview.

Over time, each individual forms his own set of ideas about the surrounding space. It is good if the permissible patterns of behavior among the interlocutors are approximately the same. Disagreements, with a biased assessment, lead to a reaction: "I thought you would do it differently", "I think your words are wrong."

The causes of occurrence are conventionally divided into three groups:

1. Unconscious manipulation due to inability to forgive. A common cause of resentment according to psychologists.
2. in order to cause the interlocutor to feel guilty, and then get what you want.
3. Deceived expectations. If you perceive your picture of the world as the only correct one, then the expectations associated with other people will not come true sooner or later. The reasons can be both significant and trivial. A colleague will forget to give him a lift home (“But I gave him a lift several times! He had to offer me the same thing!”), A friend from social networks forgot to congratulate him on his birthday (“I congratulated him. I will specifically ignore the name day! ”) - this is how an offense happens.

If a person is constantly offended, psychology promises him the following consequences:

• loss of communication with others. Not only that, not all friends are ready to feel guilty for someone's destructive logic, trying to restore a relationship. It may happen that the abuser will tell others about the conflict, after which they will become shy of the offended one;
• not everyone is ready to analyze the reasons for the aggressive behavior of the other, to guess whether he was offended by something, and if so, what exactly. Most people just don't have time for it. The offended person has to keep the destructive emotion inside, not understanding how to get out of the situation;
• resentment (unspoken - in particular) undermines physical health, as it is directly related to the nervous system. Experiences due to the loss of harmonious communication with loved ones, hurt their own interests can affect the physical condition.

Resentment from the point of view of psychology

As the psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin notes, this is one of the most common reasons for seeking advice. It happens that a person formulates his problem in a completely different way, incorrectly building cause-and-effect relationships. At the consultation, it turns out that the reason for this situation was precisely the resentment. Therefore, in case of serious difficulties in interacting with others, it is recommended to seek help from a specialist.

The psychology of resentment distinguishes several types of this feeling:

• Imaginary - based on a conscious desire to manipulate a loved one, to attract his attention. There is an exact calculation: "Now I will show that I need to be treated differently, and he will make amends, for example, make a pleasant surprise." This is often abused by children, thus demanding what they want from their parents;
• Random - occurs when disagreements arise between the interlocutors. Instead of a reasoned argument, a negative reaction appears. The conversation immediately changes direction: attempts begin to make amends, to get forgiveness, a conflict occurs or communication simply stops;
• With an erroneous vector - for example, the parents awarded the sister with a sweet gift for the "A" in the diary, and the brother does not study well, so he was left without a gift. Instead of learning a lesson by raising grades, the brother begins to take offense at his sister, behaving appropriately towards her. She, despite the absence of guilt, experiences remorse;
• Hidden - does not appear externally. There are many reasons for this: a person is not ready to admit to himself that he is experiencing this feeling, he was brought up with the attitude “to be offended is bad”, he simply does not want to conflict at a particular moment, etc. Sooner or later, emotion will find a way out. But all the time, while it is inside, a person over and over again experiences the smallest details of the conflict, continuing to load the nervous system.

In psychology, the feeling of resentment is characteristic of most people. But some are rarely offended on really serious reasons, while others do it as their lifestyle. They are ready to look for reasons in everything, and then humbly wait for the world to apologize and beneficially affect their self-esteem.

Psychosomatics of the emergence of feelings of resentment

This emotion provokes illness and malfunction in all body systems. The most vulnerable organ may be affected.

Aggression, as a component of any negative reaction, rarely finds a way out in full. A part remains inside until the person gets rid of the memories of the situation, switching attention to other topics. Once inside, an aggressive reaction has a devastating effect on:

• nervous system: headaches, solar plexus discomfort, back problems;
• endocrine system: hormonal balance is disturbed against the background of experiences, which provokes other diseases.

Most often, according to psychology, touchy people suffer. The heart muscle takes the blow of any experience. An unspoken or incomplete offense exacerbates chronic diseases, adds new ones. For example, gynecological problems up to infertility with an unexplained cause may be associated with omissions between partners. Depression and depression often appear. Especially difficult cases transform the accumulated negative into cancer or suicide attempts.

Avoiding especially serious conditions will help you work with character on time. Psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin claims: it is never too late to start building a harmonious personality:

Positive and negative expressions of resentment

By its very nature, such a reaction is only one of many feelings that a person is capable of manifesting. But the impact on relationships with the outside world is so destructive that it is recommended to get rid of resentment, to reduce it to a minimum.

Negative manifestations:

• spoils relationships with loved ones;
• makes the resentful person unbearable;
• forms a negative image among friends and colleagues;
• affects the physical condition;
• takes much time.

It is curious: for the "victim" itself, there is nothing negative in this bad habit. Why does a person take offense at trifles? Psychology gives the answer: it is a simple and effective way to manipulate others. Offended - I got what I wanted. The goal has been achieved.

In fact, the positive manifestations of these reactions are different:

• a chance to identify your weaknesses. Words, actions hurt when they touch the quick. Is it possible to somehow protect, work out, strengthen the weakened "bastion" of the personality in order to avoid repetition? By the way, this is one of the ways to distract yourself: start working out ways to protect yourself in the future;
• defensive reaction from pain There is a respite, time to switch from the very fact of parting to a feeling of injustice;
• one of the ways to cleanse the accumulated negativity. In the process of getting rid of negative attitudes, the personality clears up the “blockages” of annoyance, anger, resentment and despondency that have accumulated imperceptibly.

Why get rid of resentment?

Touchiness in psychology, if there are no signs of a conscious bad habit in it, is, in fact, a subjective assessment of other people's beliefs in life. Because someone thinks differently, does not live up to expectations, the victim suffers. In most cases, the responsibility for suffering lies with her.

Getting rid of feelings of resentment brings to life:

• calmness;
• relief of the soul;
• physical health;
• psycho-emotional well-being;
• inspiration and success.

There is no point in wasting your time annoyed and angry about the fact that a loved one or a colleague did not do something or did it their own way. At the first signs of appearance, you need to take control of the situation and get rid of destructive emotions.

In the process of getting rid of it, it will be important to analyze what is happening in order to prevent repetition in the future. For example, if a loved one did not give a gift on the occasion of a date, you need to figure out why this happened. He forgot? This means that next time it is worth reminding him in advance, preferably in a mild form, so that he would not be offended.

How to forgive an insult?

Touchiness is an acquired character trait in psychology. We learn this from the adults around us, adopt it as a bad habit, and then spend a long time looking for ways to get rid of it.

Two tips for victims:

• throw these experiences out of the heart;
• learn to forgive.

It is difficult for someone who has been accustomed to take offense at others all their lives, to manipulate them, consciously or unconsciously, to follow these advice. Clients of psychologists often do not understand what they mean by seemingly simple phrases.

Down with resentment from the heart

There is a good exercise for that: emotional isolation. It is based on a simple example. The abuser is perceived by the victim as a source of conflict. If she sees him every day without the ability to physically isolate herself (for example, colleagues working in the same office), you need to try to turn off any emotions in relation to the offender. Notepad, pen, paper on the table do not evoke any emotions. The same neutral indifference must be formed in relation to the offender. It may be difficult at first. But over time, a quarrel based on subjective perception will be forgotten, the conflict will be settled. Neutrality is the best helper for those who want to get rid of the negative consequences of communication.

How to achieve neutrality? Work through a conflict situation once with yourself or a psychologist, come to the conclusion: a negative reaction is caused by unjustified expectations in relation to an opponent who could not reach the set bar in any way. Letting go of the offender together with his inner perception of the world, norms, attitudes.

How a psychologist will help: teach you how to train stress resistance. Emotional stability is the key

Learning to forgive

Forgiveness is a conscious state, sincere, always comes from the heart. Only such a deep feeling really helps to cope with conflicts faster, as well as to control the situation, stopping attempts to offend and the desire to be offended in time.

To learn to forgive, you need to work with your life attitudes and change them every day. This can be done in any state, even if at that moment there is no offense at the heart.

Five steps to forgiving and loving:

1. Live in harmony with your emotions.
2. To be able to let go of the past, to live in the present.
3. Control states, choose them consciously ("I choose forgiveness, not revenge").
4. Learn from each situation and use them in the future.
5. Forgive yourself, give others love and light.

How a psychologist can help: There are training exercises for each step. A written statement of one's own views, positions, attitudes, followed by analysis, helps a lot. If you have a strong desire to follow this path, sign up for a consultation with psychologist Nikita Baturin. It makes it easier to learn how to get rid of resentment.

How can you help your child cope with resentment?

It is generally accepted that it is common for people to be offended from the age of 2-3 years. This is the period of the beginning of active interaction of the individual with the outside world. The kid learns what emotions are available to him, what they are for, how they are manifested. He can not only be offended, but also demonstrate his reaction. If the surrounding adults do not promptly tell him what is happening to him, but will simply make up for their guilt with gifts from time to time, the child will learn to manipulate.

The ability to deliberately take offense remains until adulthood. Resentment is to some extent a "childish" feeling that does not grow with the owner. Adults take offense at others like five-year-olds.

Responsibility for this behavior lies on the shoulders of parents, guardians, teachers. So that a person does not grow up to be touchy, psychology gives some advice to educators of young children.

1. The emotions of the child cannot be ignored. Explain, articulate each reaction. The offended child needs to calmly tell the essence of what is happening. If he is trying to persuade him to buy his favorite sweets or toys, calmly explain why the purchase is impossible. The more often you ignore your child's feelings, the longer and more difficult it will be to get rid of bad emotional habits.
2. Children should not be prohibited from showing emotions. After all, what is insult in psychology? This is a destructive feeling that destroys external connections, depriving internal harmony. It cannot be hidden inside, "because it is not customary to be offended." The sooner you instill in a person the habit of transforming negative reactions into life experience, the easier it will be for him in adulthood.
3. Punishment for the manifestation of such reactions provokes a desire for revenge.
4. Teach children to forgive. This can be done with the help of books, films, stories. The best way is of course your own example.

They say that you need to prepare psychologically. It is necessary to build a harmonious personality so that later it is easy to instill these qualities in children. Personal example was and remains the best teacher.

Childhood resentment is not just a negative emotion. This is a great opportunity to learn introspection, behavior control. The child learns to draw conclusions, build a strategy of behavior. Therefore, you should not be afraid of children's emotions, fight with them. You just need to choose the right keys to the baby's heart.

Summing up, we can say: resentment is also a medicine, you just need the correct dosage. If this is not manipulation and not a bad habit of getting what you want, then a negative reaction to words or actions can be considered as one of the feelings inherent in a person. The higher the emotional intelligence, the more benefit is derived from hurtful situations. After introspection, such a person seeks to quickly get rid of negative consequences. This is the path to success, harmony with yourself and the world around you.

We live among other people and enter into daily relationships with them. Sometimes this is an exclusively business relationship based on the category of benefit-benefit, or family, which is built on love and trust. Even when we are just in one transport, store, hospital and so on, we are in contact with many people. Unfortunately, relationships do not always end with positive emotions. Sometimes there is sadness, anger, or resentment. For some people, resentment occurs so often that it begins to harm them. We will try to figure out how to stop being offended in this article.

Every person in this world has experienced a feeling of resentment at least once in his life. And everyone has a different attitude to this feeling, for example:

One person will be offended, then think that this situation should not upset him, and will forget;

Another will close in the room, cry and forget too;

The third will throw a hysterics, but by the end of his "concert" he also does not remember how this performance began;

But there is also a type of people who will play a situation that is offensive to them in their head for a long time, figure out how to answer their offender or even take revenge.

Sometimes it seems that you can't get rid of the feeling of resentment, but you still want to know: how to stop being offended over trifles?

What is resentment? Why does it arise? How to learn to forgive and stop being offended?

People who remember for a long time and accumulate grievances, at the training "System-Vector Psychology" Yuri Burlan will be defined as the owners of the anal vector. They are characterized by such character traits as thoroughness, attention to detail, phenomenal memory. In a properly developed state since childhood, they are professionals in their field, they try to do their work perfectly. Perfectionists. They will not rest until they find a fly in the ointment "in a barrel of honey" and eliminate it. They say about such people: a good family man, a better father and husband, a wonderful teacher and comrade. They respect traditions, respect the older generation. Difficulty getting used to changes. An old, sagging sofa is always better than a new one, because it is so familiar, comfortable and familiar.

Why exactly people with an anal vector feel resentment and how to help them stop resenting people: Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology will tell you!

As mentioned above, such people have a phenomenal memory. Isn't that wonderful? In childhood, poems are memorized on the fly. At school, if I have already learned the rule, then for the rest of my life. In adulthood, he knows his business so well, wake up at night, tell all the rules for organizing work, GOSTs, standards, internal regulations and more. It would seem, what could be better ?!

The problem with resentment arises when a person does not use his memory for its intended purpose. For example, it so happened that in childhood they did not learn poetry with the child, the teacher at school did not note the possibility of his memory, that she (memory) is slightly better than that of other students. Mom was constantly in a hurry and did not give the opportunity to finish things to the end. Then the time for resentment comes. And it’s not so easy to stop being offended.

Collecting and accumulating offensive episodes, the wonderful memory of a person with an anal vector begins to fill himself with not very pleasant situations from everyday life. The conductor on the bus was naughty, the cyclist doused him out of the puddle, the boss at work did not note his efforts, but noted his colleague Fedya for the speed of execution. And that one has a mistake on a mistake, in order to redo his work, his life will not be enough! All these situations scroll through my head, each time thinking about how to respond or act, while driving myself even more into a feeling of resentment.

Psychological advice, if you search on the Internet, to get rid of the habit of being offended, suggest the following:

Present your offender in a funny way, as he was doused from a puddle or trampled on his feet;

You can introduce your boss to your subordinates;

Don't be a naive person and check everything;

Make decisions to take revenge or not with a cool head and so on.

If these tips help someone and he stops resenting people, in any case, this result will be temporary and resentments will arise again and again.

To get rid of a painful feeling - I was not given! - and stop being offended, you need to learn to use your innate property for the benefit of society.

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan teaches us not only how to stop being offended. This knowledge makes it possible to begin to understand the deep reasons for your behavior, to know yourself and other people. It becomes immediately obvious why a person did this, and the resentment does not arise by itself. After the training, many people were able to stop being offended. Here are the reviews of some of them:

If you really want to understand yourself and learn to understand other people, while getting rid of the habit of being offended forever, follow the link and register for a course of free lectures on System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.

We girls often overestimate our requirements in relation to men. The stronger sex, in turn, makes concessions and admits its guilt even where it is not, only for the fact that it did not meet our expectations. But should they constantly apologize to us for every little thing? So, here are the situations for which the representatives of the strong half of humanity can not ask for forgiveness without remorse.

1. Natural selfishness

We have made men's natural desire to take care of themselves and their needs something shameful. Stereotypes say that first you need to take care of your parents, then your spouse and child, then your pet, colleagues, neighbors, a cashier in a supermarket ... Men simply forgot that they need to take care of themselves - without this it is simply impossible happy life. Girls should more often remind their soulmates of this, and be able to leave them alone with themselves. As soon as men get the opportunity to be alone and relax, they not only relieve the accumulated stress by doing what they love, but also begin to look at the problems that have long been exciting from a more positive angle.

2. He gets sleepy early

Sometimes you really want to sit up with friends or go to the cinema for a late session, but your man looks tired and not inspired by your idea. Let him succumb to his natural need - healthy sleep is very important for any person. The mood depends on it, which, in turn, affects the relationship in the family. Scientists have long proven that if a person does not get enough sleep, his resistance to stress is significantly reduced, which means that the likelihood of quarrels between spouses increases, which can lead to nervous exhaustion and other, more serious health problems. So maybe your whole family should get used to going to bed early?

3. Unreasonable expectations

In our time, an extremely rare and valuable quality is the ability to defend one's interests and beliefs. That is why girls have doubly respect for such men and are proud of them. Any representative of the fair sex has a certain mythical image of an ideal man in her head. We often forget that we need to love a person for who he is, and unconsciously try to impose on him invented qualities and life goals. Stop altering it to your taste - learn to value your loved one as a person: it is better to develop the positive qualities already present in him.

4. He loves his job too much.

Very often, men are drawn into the abyss of their own careers: they overwork, go to work on weekends and do not even use all the dates of their vacation. Well, the girls, in turn, are indignant that they are denied attention. So why complain when you can take the lead? Start planning a vacation, get your loved one interested, discuss the details and together anticipate the trip. The most important thing here is to try to captivate your workaholic with the thought that he really deserves a good rest. Indeed, in old age I want to remember not endless rush jobs and planning meetings, but a wonderful pastime with loved ones.

5. Not too skillful hands

Who told you that any man should have his own set of tools and he should combine the skills of a carpenter, plumber and electrician at once? Very often, family conflicts arise due to home breakdowns and other troubles. It is believed that the girl is entrusted with purely "female" obligations - washing dishes, cooking, washing, cleaning, but the spouse is simply obliged to cope with "male" affairs at a time. If this situation does not triple you, try to come to a compromise and share responsibilities. Even if you have to nail down the baseboards and fix the sockets, and the husband cook breakfasts for the whole family, the main thing is that both are comfortable in this role.

There are simply no people in the world who have never been offended by trifles. Not everyone is in control of their desires, emotionality and thinking. An individual who cannot stop being offended lives with a huge stone in his soul and this burden prevents him from moving on. Small insults spoil the mood, do not allow to come to balance and harmony. Only a person who has overcome his weak side will be able to feel how beautiful the world is when thoughts are not occupied with constant resentment. Why are people so easily offended over trifles? And how to get rid of excessive touchiness?

Causes of excessive resentment

• Parents' habits. From an early age, observing the manners of parents, a person adopts some of their traits. Faced with certain circumstances, everyone begins to apply these familiar systems of behavior.
• Low self-esteem . A person focuses all his attention on self-pity, which allows this resentment to shut down the rest of the world. However, with such a selfish action, he only complicates his life and does not add respect to himself.
• Attracting attention to yourself. Demonstration of resentment is an attempt to attract the attention of others, which is also selfishness. Here it does not matter at all what mood a person is in when he is offended. The habit of being offended on any pretext is inherent in him at a subconscious level.
• Feelings of injustice. Each person interprets the meaning of justice in their own way. Of course, this meaning is subjective. Thus, the interpretation of the same life circumstances is different for people. Unfortunately, not everyone understands this and, as a result, prevents themselves from living with petty grievances.

Also watch the webinar “Guilt and Resentment. Return on Investment Technique "by Denis Burkhaev.

How to stop being offended and start living?

1. Don't jump to premature conclusions. When you feel that it is difficult for you to hold back, then ask your opponent to talk later, after you come to your senses. Take your time to be offended. Remember, no one can offend you if you yourself do not allow this. Try to adequately look at the circumstances, discarding all emotions. Maintain logical thinking and a cold mind. Consider the aspects from all sides and ask yourself if there is any point in being nervous and worried, and even more so to be offended.
2. Nobody owes you anything. Remember forever that people are the same as you, they have their own worldview, their own life and their own attitudes. When a person considers it necessary, he will help you one hundred percent and not because of your resentment, this is a kind of manipulation, but because he really wants to do it. Take responsibility for your life. If you stop expecting something from the environment, then life will become much easier for you.
3. A look from the future. Imagine five or ten years have passed. Are you really going to be angry and worried in five years? Surely, you will not even remember all that is now unsettling you. In this case, there is simply no point in concealing a grudge and mentally “eating” yourself. In the future, this will not affect your life in any way.
4. Improve your self-esteem. People who react sharply to trivial situations usually have complexes and low self-esteem. Do what you do well more often. Improve constantly. The fruits of such activities will set you up for a positive, and you will be optimistic about more difficult cases.
5. Be taller. As it turned out, resentment is just an illusion, the negative energy of which can result in unpleasant memories. Also, because of a minor offense, you can seriously ruin the relationship. Resentment provokes nervousness, anger, and hostility. Now ask yourself whether you wish it or you are above your emotions, you are a confident person, you are a mature person who values ​​himself and personally controls his own destiny.
6. See a specialist. When on your own you are unable to cope with insults over trifles, then a competent psychologist will teach you how to cope with the situation and help you understand the motives of your actions.

Now you know how to learn how to avoid resentment. Try it. It is absolutely not difficult, but it will become much easier for you to live. Everything will work out!

My boyfriend is offended by trifles. For every little thing. He does not arrange any quarrels or disputes - he just defiantly turns away and is silent.
I'm just tired of calming him down. More than half the time, in my opinion, I’m right. How to deal with such extreme sensitivity?

Amaranta

A similar situation! I'm already starting to get tired of such a relationship! Recently I almost completely melted! Then there was a stormy fitting, brought flowers, went to a restaurant! Already about a week

to be honest, this guy behaves like a woman! Sorry for being so rude, but this behavior is more typical of young girls, girls, I would even say ...

"Wedge wedge" try

Amaranta
Hmm, lucky for us ...

StiFFleR

I tried it, but it doesn't always work out ...

Red ponytail

Hmm ... I usually do this ... turn away and keep quiet and it is impossible to get anything out of me ...
how to deal with it? good question....
I just think I need to let the person cool down ...
why I don’t argue and do not swear .... sometimes I know that I am offended by a trifle .. nonsense ... it just takes time to digest it,
and understand that this is nonsense
usually 10-15 minutes are enough for me ... and then I myself come up, I apologize, I can cry and say that I will not do this anymore))))
maybe it's sensitivity ... just taking everything to heart.
my husband may accidentally say something wrong to me ... he didn’t notice, but I am offended all of a sudden and tears welling up ... I prefer to go out and not show my "nuns")))
I do not think that this is characteristic only of young girls ... rather infantile persons))) like me for example.
in general, nothing can be done about it. just don't touch it and that's it

Tekhhi
Amaranta
hmm, girls ... I practically broke up with one because of this .... well, at least this reason was not the last one.
really .. say something wrong, and he is already sulking. I didn't even always understand what he was offended at ...
no, I understand once, twice .. then I will ask for forgiveness and touch ... but not every 5 minutes !!!
sometimes it seems that he is just pretending to be offended ...
I don’t know how to fight. I just could not resist ...

Probably those who think that they lack warmth and affection do this ... maybe this is the reason?

Good idea! I also came to this conclusion. Indeed, you can’t say something, and the house is already full of grievances and accusations: you don’t love, and, as a result, you don’t take care of yourself, you are inattentive and thick-skinned.
But it seems from his side that he behaves normally and is offended for the cause. And from the side of the "offender" it looks utterly absurd, because there was no intention to offend. Yes, and "warmth and affection" seems to be present in relationships ...
Apparently the answer lies in the past of this person. Perhaps once there he did not have enough tenderness and attention, he was left deprived of this ... And now he has only one desire - to make up. The only pity is that due to the nerves and good mood of his partner. I'm afraid that until a person grows up and understands what's what, nothing will change ...

Amaranta

On this occasion, my mother said that they all take offense, but not all of them show it.

And here everything is clear ... Only this is the girls' favorite gadget ..... He is not offended, he just wants you to sit and persuade him, make fun of him ... and all that ....... Maybe he just stands with him talk openly on this topic, maybe he lacks attention or something else ... if he uses such a method ...

Amaranta

!Prada

QUOTE

Maybe it's just worth talking openly with him on this topic.

I tried it; he says that nothing of the kind happens and he gets offended again! This time already that I am unfairly blaming him
Tekhhi And how are things with you?

Probably something else needs to be done now so that he understands how much you love him! Maybe then he will stop fanning trifles to the size of an elephant

Tekhhi
Amaranta

Lol) Little girls, excuse me, but such a picture always weighs on me) In general, this happens often ... There is a universal medicine. Tell him on the forehead: "What are you? Chtoli girl, to be offended?". A powerful blow to male pride usually leads to changes for the better.

marielena

Be more attentive to him. Extreme sensitivity comes from the fact that a person has some kind of problem inside. Have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Maybe it's temporary for him.

alsh
Good idea, I'll try.

Amaranta
You know when how. he just doesn't want to admit that he was wrong. And he continues to take offense purely out of principle.
but it happens that after 10 minutes he himself realizes that he was a fool, approaches, kisses (but still does not admit that he was wrong). I do not particularly demand an apology, the main thing is that he understands it himself.

You need to have great patience to communicate with this chel. I couldn't by nature.
I sympathize...

Tekhhi

there is usually some hidden reason behind this behavior.
it is quite possible that you are superior to him in some way.
for example, you earn more or you have more friends or take a more active position in society ...
he cannot directly express his resentment to you, therefore he takes it out on trifles.
you do not need to stream and calm him every time, especially when you feel that you are right.
just try to help him cope with his complexes

piranha fish

Moreover, often the reason for the insults can be some insignificant phrase in which he found a hidden meaning or which seemed to him a mockery, despite the fact that no one had in mind. Because of this, it is sometimes incredibly difficult to communicate with him, because it is not clear what is the matter and who he is straining at once again. We once went to a disco with a company and suddenly we see him "goats" again (we have already begun to call it that). Because of what, because of whom it is not clear. Everyone immediately begins to feel like complete idiots, because everyone understands that it could be because of him. And he is silent. But with my explosive nature, I said that I work in kindergarten 5 times a week at 8.00-16.00 and in my free time I have absolutely no intention of returning to work, so I want to bow and thank you for the ruined evening. This brought him to his senses. Do you know why he pouted again? His wife told him that he twists his booty charmingly.

That's why, Tekhhi, I do not want to upset you, but I advise you to think hard how much love and patience you have, if this is a character trait.

The only thing I can advise you in this situation is to put him in front of you and say that you do not like this behavior, because you want to see a man and a partner next to you, and not a little boy. That you are absolutely not against the fact that he is offended, but if he does not frankly explain the reasons and try to extinguish the conflict, it will be very difficult for you to continue the relationship in this spirit. If after this conversation nothing changes, then you have to decide for yourself whether you can be happy with such a person.

piranha fish
Long, twisted, but damn it, how right!

Next time, when it will be offended ... I already wrote in principle.

Thank you all for the advice.

and I .... dry tears are welling up somewhere under the throat ... a little higher than the heart ... they get up in a lump and ......

I also think so, and in general this is the only way out of the situation. It was so with me, I endured it, I endured it, but everything when it comes to a limit and now everything has calmed down more or less. I really don't know for how long

QUOTE Well, if a person himself notices this for his young man, then the person is already so "grown up".
I meant something else, is it really that the one who is outraged by such infantile behavior is himself so independent and reasonable, is his partner completely and completely relieved of empty grievances, puffed cheeks and suspicious demonstrative silence in response to some trifle? Is he so "grown up" that there is no "speck" in his eye that he sees in the eye of another?

it turned out you have two options:

1. "Take offense in response" ... with all sorts of evocative phrases, etc. - easy way. Suitable for those who "suffer" with a touchy partner. Pursue your own interests.
2. Go to misfortunes, arrange heart-to-heart and baby talks, etc. Show a benefactor.

Only to a person who sincerely needs attention, support, sensitivity and other things when he “loves”, and accordingly gives himself up for it, then your decisions are not suitable, because they do not solve the main thing, but only struggle with the consequences.

Whatever he is - infantile, child, touchy, etc. all the reasons for resentment respond very bitterly to him and make him even weaker, until his inner self becomes delineated and does not feel these resentments, only there is a small side effect - the warmth of another person, love, joy - it also cannot feel it.

I, too, sometimes take offense at terrible stupidity, take criticism of something personally, and so on, but this only happens when I’m under stress and I don’t care about anything. True, I perceive support in such situations more sharply.
In general, I can say personally about myself - if I am offended, I just need to give time, leave alone. The questions of what happened are annoying, it is sometimes dumb to tell what the matter is, because it is embarrassing to admit that I pouted because of such garbage, and attempts to hug and kiss cause discomfort, as there is a feeling of guilt. So the best thing is to leave me alone for ten minutes, then I fondle myself.