During lining up relations with a person of the opposite sex, we try to understand the features of his thinking and the reasons for certain actions. You can often hear that it is almost impossible to understand a woman, because her mood is constantly changing, and the words she said 10 minutes ago may mean absolutely nothing at the moment.

However, if you look into nuances then it can be clearly understood that male psychology is also special. To understand a man, it is not enough to ask him questions and analyze his answers, because it often happens that a man does not say what he thinks. It is important to observe, analyze and build on the generally accepted psychological facts. Male actions can cause confusion, because sometimes it is difficult to understand even for himself. In order to improve relations with your beloved young man, it is important to understand what he may be offended at, and what words and actions addressed to him should sometimes be abandoned. Male offense also exists, as well as female, the truth is veiled and has a hidden character.

The most meaningless feeling a person is capable of is resentment. A touchy person by his behavior tries to prove to the whole world and to a specific individual his significance, without confirming this with anything other than illogical attacks and accusations. Looking at relationships through the prism of resentment distorts the worldview so much that they stop taking a person seriously and try to end the relationship with him, giving rise to an even greater feeling of disappointment in the latter.

Resentment and resentment: what's the difference?

Resentment is a reaction, often demonstrative, in response to a statement, action, or lack of action. A person tries to show that he is dissatisfied with the course of what is happening, that he expected another, and with his whole appearance demonstrates how strong his disappointment is. Disappointment is intertwined with resentment (one thing was expected - something else happened), pain and sadness ("I did not expect this from you"), excitement and anxiety (suddenly it will happen again), powerlessness ("you are stronger - therefore you consider yourself right"), irritation and anger ("I will avenge you").

Resentment is like the flu: you can warm up and recover in a couple of days, but perhaps the inflammation will take over the entire body and cause an already chronic condition or destroy the carrier. This condition is called resentment. A very touchy person is ready to take offense constantly at all possible irritants, sometimes erecting heaps of non-existent problems from scratch, showing with his whole appearance how unfair the world is to him.

All human feelings are subjective, but the feeling of resentment is several times stronger than all the others, since one's “I” and personal dignity are placed above the rest.

Why do people get offended?

Psychologists divide all reasons into four categories:

• Misunderstanding of jokes: most often a person who is offended and devoid of a sense of humor can be hurt by even a small coat - this is his defensive reaction and an indicator that there is no need to do this. This is the easiest form, although it happens that a person gets stuck and bears resentment for years, developing a plan for revenge.
• Manipulation: wanting to get what was conceived, but not seeing the desired result, the touchy person “pouts”, withdraws and keeps silent - showing with all his appearance that he is waiting for completely different actions.

• Deceived hopes: often people succumb to fantasies or attribute non-existent character traits to others, expect unusual actions, and then are deeply disappointed with reality. With offense, they try to show the magnitude of their disappointment, as if unobtrusively trying to change a person.
• Inability or unwillingness to forgive: too high self-esteem and hyperego make people blind to other people's emotions and motives. Moreover, this category of people can combine all three previous categories, turning a person into a paranoid.

How does resentment develop into resentment?

Because of an excessive sense of self "I" and increased self-pity, a person often has internal strife: “Why me? Why should they be allowed, but not me? I deserve (for) better, more. " This immerses a person even more into an illusory reality, invented by him and, most likely, significantly different from reality. And the more often this happens, if the cause of the resentment remains unresolved and settles inside, the more a person becomes resentful, fixated on his own experiences and blind to the feelings of others. Excessive resentment becomes a natural state, destroying the inner world of a person.

Four types of offenders

Psychoanalysts divide touchy people into several types, after analyzing them, you can understand why they are angry at you and how to fix the situation.

People with a complex of eternal sacrifice: they constantly take offense at everyone and everything, with or without reason: any careless word, sidelong glance or gesture can drive them into deep depression, weekly silence or, conversely, constant whining. This type of overly resentful person in a state of passion can do anything, up to a suicide attempt, so you need to be extremely careful with them.

Paranoid: people are resentful due to excessive suspicion, jealousy and fear of being deceived. They only hear what they want, understand the situation only from their extremely subjective point of view and look for a catch in almost everything.

People with an inferiority complex: their total self-doubt gives rise to a feeling of insecurity, it seems to them that others constantly want to offend, laugh at the shortcomings (sometimes visible only to themselves) and assert themselves at their expense. Often such people are quietly touchy, they do not scandal, do not try to manipulate, but simply withdraw into themselves, accumulating a lump of resentment.

The Avengers: their distorted view of the world, in conjunction with them, makes you constantly replay plans for revenge, retribution for insult in your head, and prompts you to further immoral actions. Moreover, the resentment gnawing at them is so great (even over a trifle trifle) that for years they can nurture a vendetta plan worthy of Moriarty himself.

Male resentment

In fact, men are very rarely offended - they are rather upset, angry or disappointed in some actions of their loved ones. The logical mindset simply does not allow them to keep the reason for a long time - after half an hour, the male consciousness will find something more interesting for itself than the speculation of an already past action.

The only thing that can really hurt him and for a long time is criticism of his "male" behavior: sexual inconsistency, comparison with other men, public condemnation and devaluation of his gifts. Then the man can either close in himself, or, while maintaining the external habitual behavior, keep the resentment in himself for a rather long time, and during a strong quarrel, express everything.

Female resentment

Women hold the palm in grievances: they take offense several times a day, while for some these are fleeting states that you cannot even call an offense - so, I was upset for five minutes and forgot. For some, this is the idea-fix of their whole life: “You have offended me - you have not seen my tears,” because of which they begin to poison the life of themselves and those around them. At the same time, she looks like a madman: she has absolutely no mind, emotions and can utter mountains of superfluous, rude and unnecessary. Excessive sensitivity is what destroys such women.

Childish resentment

A child's resentment is a big psychological trauma that can lead to a lot of complexes, rejection of the realities of the world and a distorted perception of the people around. The danger is that an unstable child's psyche cannot cope with experiences, cannot properly respond to a stimulus and imprints negative experiences on the subconscious, forming an illusory reality.

Most of the too touchy people brought this feeling with them from childhood, they have grown together with it and can no longer live without it. 80% of all fears, phobias, complexes and reactions are laid in a person at preschool age, most of them come from parents and close relatives. Therefore, the next time, before scolding a child for something, think ten times if it is necessary.

What is the risk of communication with such a person?

When there is a touchy person in the company, it looks like a boil: he really interferes, but at the same time no one dares to touch so as not to hurt. An imperceptible ring of alienation is formed, which offends a person even more - the circle is closed. In addition, a very touchy person reacts sharply to criticism. Therefore, openly judging him for his susceptibility is like

The constant need to select the "right" words, expressions and actions already suggests that you are being manipulated, which means that the person understood the power of his influence and will use it every time as needed.

Why aren't all people offended?

The psychology of a touchy person is different: some are extremely rarely susceptible to such a painful reaction, while others, on the contrary, are hypersensitive. With some you can joke on the verge of a foul, while others react sharply even to a comment about a hairstyle. Why it happens?

In fact, everything depends on the inner state of a person: how self-sufficient or dependent he is on public opinion, what is the magnitude of his sense of pride and self-importance. Each has its own weak points and pain points: for some they are on the surface and painful, while for others they are hidden under a thick layer of character and willpower.

How to deal with a touchy person?

For others, this is sometimes a whole problem. How to name a touchy person so as not to offend? How to communicate with him in general, if there is no opportunity to end the relationship (this is an employee, a relative or a husband-wife).

The first way is to try to ignore attempts at manipulation, provided that you really are right. You can ask the opinion of an uninterested person (of course, tactfully, so as not to offend the offended person even more).

Second: try to take the situation into your own hands and transfer it from sensual squabbles into a calm discussion of the problem.

Communication with overly emotional people teaches tolerance and loyalty, this is a good reason to look at yourself and others from a different perspective. You need to be condescending to sensual outbursts - after all, if the reasons for such a reaction are known, then it becomes clear that a touchy person has internal problems above the roof. Have pity on him, only mentally.

The all-in method: portray resentment in response. Perhaps, feeling himself in the place of a “pseudo-offender”, a person will change his behavior and attitude. Try to put yourself in the place of the offended and replay the situation mentally, trying to look at it through his eyes. Ask yourself what percentage of your fault is that the person is offended. Be objective: maybe you unknowingly, without thinking, hurt a person.

How to help get rid of resentment?

Explain to the person why you did and said so and not otherwise. Explain in detail the reason in the smallest detail, make it clear with all your appearance that there was no desire to offend. If the situation really requires it, you need to apologize. You just need to remember: to apologize means to regret what you have done and promise to do this more. Human reactions come from actions, not just words.

Try to explain that resentment is a destructive feeling, showing how much the offended person does not respect himself as a person. Show that you respect him, but you will never have a close relationship if it develops so one-sided.

What will the accumulated grievances lead to?

Does everyone know that resentment is a manifestation of one of the seven sins of Christianity: pride? A wounded feeling of superiority spurs a person on, so relationships break, marriages and family ties collapse. Everything happens because each puts himself above the other, and this is a manifestation of pride.

Concentrated on his inner experiences, a person loses the ability to think soundly, performance decreases, which, in turn, can lead to job loss. In an attempt to numb the pain of resentment, some people start drinking or taking drugs.

Why does a resentful person often get sick? His nervous system is constantly overloaded with stress, depression and neuroses. Under the influence of feelings, he disrupts the usual diet, which will adversely affect the digestive system: gastritis, stomach ulcers are side effects of stress.

From constant worries, migraines develop, spasms of the muscles of the neck and shoulder girdle (which can lead to problems with the spine). Spasmodic muscles, in turn, block the free work of the lungs, hyperventilation is impaired, and this is the first step to colds and all sorts of inflammatory processes.

In the process of communicating with a touchy person, try to convey this information, perhaps common sense will win, and the resentment will go away.

Probably every person knows how unpleasant it is when they take offense at you. It seems that no one shouts, does not scandal, but simply shows his resentment. Why does this make it so painful and unpleasant? And, another question, why are we so pleased to be offended? After all, resentment is a negative feeling, but sometimes it brings pleasure. There is a saying: "They carry water to the offended." It's strange somehow. It seems like you've already been offended, and it's so bad, and then there's some kind of punishment. And the tone of this saying is definitely mocking, hinting that there is no need to be offended. But how to stop getting angry and offended if these feelings are stronger than us?

How to stop being offended by trifles and why is it harmful?

If you tell someone not to be offended, the person may be indignant: "I was insulted / deceived, etc., why should I also not be offended?" Firstly, you don't need to keep all this in yourself. You can express your opinion to the person who offended you, try to somehow change the situation, but not be offended. Secondly, the resentment will harm, first of all, yourself. So decide if you want to make things worse for yourself?

How to stop being offended by trifles, and why it is harmful:

Children often take offense at their parents, throw tantrums, etc., if, for example, they did not buy them the desired toy or were not allowed to eat candy. Ever wondered why a child does this? It's just that, because of his age, it can be difficult for him to explain to his parents what he really wants. Therefore, it is easier for him to take offense and cry. But you and I are no longer children, and are able to talk with other people, explain, etc., right? Then why not start using these communication skills and stop acting like children?

1. Resentment is wasting your time and energy.

Imagine that your husband has forgotten about some anniversary of your acquaintance. Do you think the fact that you will be sitting in the corner all evening with a sad expression on your face will help him remember this? It is highly doubtful that such an approach would be effective. People are usually occupied solely with their thoughts and feelings, and men will definitely not be able to read your indignation from an offended look. Then who will benefit from this behavior of yours? Isn't it easier to tell your husband what exactly upset you? And, for example, hang reminders of all your dates on the fridge? Save both time and energy. And there will be less negativity!

1. Resentment will affect your relationship, and it will definitely not be a positive effect.

We are not saying that if you often take offense at a loved one, then your attachment to him will disappear. No, it just changes its color, so to speak. If earlier you remembered this person with warmth and love, now you will feel cold. Our subconscious mind remembers emotions well. And if it realizes that some person constantly makes you take offense at him, then it will stop perceiving him as someone close. This is the same as if you hit the mouse with an electric current every time it comes to the feeder. Over time, she will simply stop eating.

1. Resentment is definitely not going to help you grow.

People prone to resentment can often suffer from another "disease" - unwillingness to take responsibility. Did you miss an important assignment at work? This is all because it was poorly explained to you. Did you miss the train? Someone has definitely rearranged your alarm to make you late. Stop going to the gym because it's hard to get up to workout in the morning? Who even thought of training in the morning? And in the evening there is no time, because there is work. In general, everything seems to be bad, but you have nothing to do with it. Sometimes it may even seem like the entire universe has united against you. By the way, women are more inclined to this way of life. It is they who like to shift responsibility for their lives onto someone, without improving themselves at the same time.

1. Resentment harms not only psychological but also physical health.

American scientists decided to conduct an interesting experiment to understand how badly resentment affects a person. They attached special devices to people, and said that they needed to remember the biggest offense in their life. The effect was incredible! All participants in the experiment had increased blood pressure and increased heart rate. Moreover, it has been proven that if you carry some kind of resentment and negative emotions in yourself for a long time, this can negatively affect not only the work of the heart, but also the work of the gastrointestinal tract. Plus, the constant negativity inside can ruin your sleep. So, knowing all this, what kind of person will continue to be offended? Realizing that he is doing this to the detriment of himself? In general, the next time someone offends you, think - who will be worse from the fact that you are angry with him?

How to stop being offended by little things

People often like to be offended by little things. Why is this happening? We live in a time when tension just reigns in the air. Everyone is busy, everyone has a lot to do and a lot of problems. Naturally, you need to somehow get rid of the negativity. How do we do it? Offended. True, not everyone understands that this method is not very effective. In fact, with the help of it, we not only do not get rid of negative emotions, but also increase their number within ourselves. So how to stop being offended by little things? First of all, you need to understand that this will in no way help to resolve the conflict. If you do not want to solve it, but just want to "puff", this is your choice. But, again, do not forget how badly this will affect your psychological and physical health. Next, you need to figure out how to get rid of negative energy in a different way. It can be both playing sports and playing musical instruments, walking, chatting with friends, etc ... In general, what will occupy your mind and use your physical strength. This will be doubly useful - you will get rid of negativity, and at the same time you will improve yourself. So stop being offended, and start living for your own pleasure!

My boyfriend is offended by trifles. For every little thing. He does not arrange any quarrels or disputes - he just defiantly turns away and is silent.
I'm just tired of calming him down. More than half the time, in my opinion, I’m right. How to deal with such extreme sensitivity?

Amaranta

A similar situation! I'm already starting to get tired of such a relationship! Recently I almost completely melted! Then there was a stormy fitting, brought flowers, went to a restaurant! Already about a week

to be honest, this guy behaves like a woman! Sorry for being so rude, but this behavior is more typical of young girls, girls, I would even say ...

"Wedge wedge" try

Amaranta
Hmm, lucky for us ...

StiFFleR

I tried it, but it doesn't always work out ...

Red ponytail

Hmm ... I usually do this ... turn away and keep quiet and it is impossible to get anything out of me ...
how to deal with it? good question....
I just think I need to let the person cool down ...
why I don’t argue and do not swear .... sometimes I know that I am offended by a trifle .. nonsense ... it just takes time to digest it,
and understand that this is nonsense
usually 10-15 minutes are enough for me ... and then I myself come up, I apologize, I can cry and say that I will not do this anymore))))
maybe it's sensitivity ... just taking everything to heart.
my husband may accidentally say something wrong to me ... he didn’t notice, but I am offended all of a sudden and tears welling up ... I prefer to go out and not show my "nuns")))
I do not think that this is characteristic only of young girls ... rather infantile persons))) like me for example.
in general, nothing can be done about it. just don't touch it and that's it

Tekhhi
Amaranta
hmm, girls ... I practically broke up with one because of this .... well, at least this reason was not the last one.
really .. say something wrong, and he is already sulking. I didn't even always understand what he was offended at ...
no, I understand once, twice .. then I will ask for forgiveness and touch ... but not every 5 minutes !!!
sometimes it seems that he is just pretending to be offended ...
I don’t know how to fight. I just could not resist ...

Probably those who think that they lack warmth and affection do this ... maybe this is the reason?

Good idea! I also came to this conclusion. Indeed, you can’t say something, and the house is already full of grievances and accusations: you don’t love, and, as a result, you don’t take care of yourself, you are inattentive and thick-skinned.
But it seems from his side that he behaves normally and is offended for the cause. And from the side of the "offender" it looks utterly absurd, because there was no intention to offend. Yes, and "warmth and affection" seems to be present in relationships ...
Apparently the answer lies in the past of this person. Perhaps once there he did not have enough tenderness and attention, he was left deprived of this ... And now he has only one desire - to make up. The only pity is that due to the nerves and good mood of his partner. I'm afraid that until a person grows up and understands what's what, nothing will change ...

Amaranta

On this occasion, my mother said that they all take offense, but not all of them show it.

And here everything is clear ... Only this is the girls' favorite gadget ..... He is not offended, he just wants you to sit and persuade him, make fun of him ... and all that ....... Maybe he just stands with him talk openly on this topic, maybe he lacks attention or something else ... if he uses such a method ...

Amaranta

!Prada

QUOTE

Maybe it's just worth talking openly with him on this topic.

I tried it; he says that nothing of the kind happens and he gets offended again! This time already that I am unfairly blaming him
Tekhhi And how are things with you?

Probably something else needs to be done now so that he understands how much you love him! Maybe then he will stop fanning trifles to the size of an elephant

Tekhhi
Amaranta

Lol) Little girls, excuse me, but such a picture always weighs on me) In general, this happens often ... There is a universal medicine. Tell him on the forehead: "What are you? Chtoli girl, to be offended?". A powerful blow to male pride usually leads to changes for the better.

marielena

Be more attentive to him. Extreme sensitivity comes from the fact that a person has some kind of problem inside. Have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Maybe it's temporary for him.

alsh
Good idea, I'll try.

Amaranta
You know when how. he just doesn't want to admit that he was wrong. And he continues to take offense purely out of principle.
but it happens that after 10 minutes he himself realizes that he was a fool, approaches, kisses (but still does not admit that he was wrong). I do not particularly demand an apology, the main thing is that he understands it himself.

You need to have great patience to communicate with this chel. I couldn't by nature.
I sympathize...

Tekhhi

there is usually some hidden reason behind this behavior.
it is quite possible that you are superior to him in some way.
for example, you earn more or you have more friends or take a more active position in society ...
he cannot directly express his resentment to you, therefore he takes it out on trifles.
you do not need to stream and calm him every time, especially when you feel that you are right.
just try to help him cope with his complexes

piranha fish

Moreover, often the reason for the insults can be some insignificant phrase in which he found a hidden meaning or which seemed to him a mockery, despite the fact that no one had in mind. Because of this, it is sometimes incredibly difficult to communicate with him, because it is not clear what is the matter and who he is straining at once again. We once went to a disco with a company and suddenly we see him "goats" again (we have already begun to call it that). Because of what, because of whom it is not clear. Everyone immediately begins to feel like complete idiots, because everyone understands that it could be because of him. And he is silent. But with my explosive nature, I said that I work in kindergarten 5 times a week at 8.00-16.00 and in my free time I have absolutely no intention of returning to work, so I want to bow and thank you for the ruined evening. This brought him to his senses. Do you know why he pouted again? His wife told him that he twists his booty charmingly.

That's why, Tekhhi, I do not want to upset you, but I advise you to think hard how much love and patience you have, if this is a character trait.

The only thing I can advise you in this situation is to put him in front of you and say that you do not like this behavior, because you want to see a man and a partner next to you, and not a little boy. That you absolutely do not mind that he is offended, but if he does not frankly explain the reasons and try to extinguish the conflict, it will be very difficult for you to continue the relationship in this spirit. If after this conversation nothing changes, then here you have to decide for yourself whether you can be happy with such a person.

piranha fish
Long, twisted, but damn it, how right!

Next time, when it will be offended ... I already wrote in principle.

Thank you all for the advice.

and I .... dry tears are welling up somewhere under the throat ... a little higher than the heart ... they get up in a lump and ......

I also think so, and in general this is the only way out of the situation. It was so with me, I endured it, I endured it, but everything when it comes to a limit and now everything has calmed down more or less. I really don't know for how long

QUOTE Well, if a person himself notices this for his young man, then the person is already so "grown up".
I meant something else, is it really that the one who is outraged by such infantile behavior is himself so independent and reasonable, is his partner completely and completely relieved of empty grievances, puffed cheeks and suspicious demonstrative silence in response to some trifle? Is he so "grown up" that there is no "speck" in his eye that he sees in the eye of another?

it turned out you have two options:

1. "Take offense in response" ... with all sorts of evocative phrases, etc. - easy way. Suitable for those who "suffer" with a touchy partner. Pursue your own interests.
2. Go to misfortunes, arrange heart-to-heart and baby talks, etc. Show a benefactor.

Only to a person who sincerely needs attention, support, sensitivity and other things when he “loves”, and accordingly gives himself up for it, then your decisions are not suitable, because they do not solve the main thing, but only struggle with the consequences.

Whatever he is - infantile, child, touchy, etc. all the reasons for the insults respond very bitterly to him and make him even weaker, until his inner self becomes delineated and does not feel these insults, only there is a small side effect - the warmth of another person, love, joy - it also cannot feel.

I, too, sometimes take offense at terrible stupidity, take criticism of something personally, and so on, but this only happens when I’m under stress and I don’t care about anything. True, I perceive support in such situations more sharply.
In general, I can say personally about myself - if I am offended, I just need to give time, leave alone. The questions of what happened are annoying, it is sometimes dumb to tell what the matter is, because it is embarrassing to admit that I was pouted because of such garbage, and attempts to hug and kiss cause discomfort, as there is a feeling of guilt. So the best thing is to leave me alone for ten minutes, then I fondle myself.