The reason for hostility towards a person can be anything. From unacceptable behavior and boorish manner of communication to eccentric dressing habits. The first thing we try to determine is how to communicate with unpleasant person, if this is necessary and it will not be possible to abstract? Let's try to figure out what the nature of hostility is and what kind of behavior should be followed with unpleasant people.

What is the nature of hostility?

Psychologists say that the reason for hostility towards a person is projection. Projection is a defense tool based on attributing to another person a quality that has been repressed from one’s own personality. Simply put, irritation is caused by something that we do not allow ourselves or a character trait that is not allowed to be in our own personality.

Anyone can be an unpleasant person: a relative, a child, a colleague, a neighbor, a boss. Proximity and constant communication with a person who causes irritation poisons existence. Relationships with close but unpleasant people invariably deteriorate due to feelings of guilt for one’s own irritability.

It’s not easy when a person is rude or behaves defiantly in your presence. In any case, copying inappropriate behavior and succumbing to provocation is not an option. Don't forget that your opinion about people is subjective. What is unacceptable for you is quite acceptable for others. If you don't like a person, then it is likely that people consider him charismatic and nice to talk to.

Remain calm when dealing with an unpleasant interlocutor. Giving in to provocation is not the best solution.

Perhaps you will better understand how to communicate with an unpleasant person if you conduct an experiment. Remember the person who irritates you. What is he like? Describe what qualities of his you dislike and try to copy him. Repeat his tone, use his phrases, move like him. Now think about how you could interact with this person and what life difficulties can be solved by possessing such qualities.

Keys to Dealing with an Unpleasant Person

We cannot completely eliminate unpleasant people from our lives. Ill-mannered rude people can be found on the street, in transport, visiting friends, at the place of work. Wherever you have to communicate with an unpleasant person, following simple rules will save your nerves, positive mood and feeling self-esteem. So:

• Don't copy inappropriate behavior. If someone you cannot avoid interacting with behaves inappropriately, stooping to their level is a ridiculous decision. It’s not easy when emotions run high, so people automatically copy boorish behavior. Remember that you should communicate with others the way you want them to communicate with you. And no one likes ill-mannered rude people.

Don't get into arguments with an idiot - people around you won't see the difference between you.

Some people may not even realize that communicating with them is unpleasant for you. Be honest with others. If you can’t fulfill a request, say it directly, without making excuses. If you don’t want to communicate, report it discreetly and gently.

Do everything in your power to avoid becoming an “unpleasant person” yourself. First of all, respect other people's time. It is terribly annoying when a person is late for a meeting and makes himself wait. When communicating with others, remember that only you can control your behavior and the outcome of the conversation depends on you. Sometimes we cannot choose our interlocutor, but the choice of course of action is ours.

Sometimes we don’t like someone for absolutely subjective reasons - it could be the tone of their voice, their appearance or their smell. But sometimes a person with whom it is impossible to avoid communication really does not behave in the most dignified manner. And in this case, the main thing is not to stoop to his level. On the one hand, this is very difficult to do, since during a conversation people often unconsciously copy the conversation style of their interlocutor.

Never argue with a fool - people may not notice the difference between you.

When it comes to negative emotions, it can be very difficult to calm yourself down. The simplest example is when someone is rude in public transport - it is terribly difficult to restrain yourself and not be rude in response. It is always worth remembering that you need to communicate with people the way you would like to be communicated with you. And no one likes rude people and boors.

Be open to change

You should not stick labels in the style: “This person is unpleasant to me, I don’t want to continue communicating with him” at the first meeting. We all are not in the mood, or too tired, or feel bad. Perhaps the next time you meet, you will change your opinion about the person to the diametrically opposite one. People change and everyone should always have a second chance.

Nothing personal

What we think about someone, or what someone thinks about us, is all a subjective, not an objective opinion. No one can be adored by everyone. Such people will always have the same number of haters as admirers. Therefore, every time you think that someone doesn’t like you, you shouldn’t think that the person hates you, period. Maybe you just haven't communicated enough? But this feeling is not very pleasant and it clearly does not help productive communication, but only makes everything worse.

In the same way, perhaps a person who makes you indignant until your knees tremble and sits in at the moment in front of you at a business meeting, may be very pleasant and endearing to someone else. And you just don’t know his pleasant sides. Therefore, we keep our opinion to ourselves and try to make sure that it does not affect the outcome of the business meeting. No one is forcing you to be friends, right?

Ignore jokes and witticisms

This is one of the most difficult moments- respond correctly to a joke or let a taunt go unnoticed. We all have different ideas about what is funny and what is not so funny. If for someone one joke may seem absolutely harmless, then for another it can be almost a mortal insult. And sometimes a person deliberately tries to piss you off with his jokes. Why give in to provocations and stoop to his level? It’s smarter to just remain silent.

Try to speak calmly and keep your facial expressions and gestures under control

What is much more important is not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. When you say that you are absolutely calm, but at the same time you almost scream, no one will ever believe you. In the same way, a person will easily notice your dislike for him by the expression on your face. Calm timbre of voice, watch your arms and legs (so that they don’t cross) and try to maintain a Pockerface expression.

Learn active listening

If you have already realized that a person is unpleasant to you, do not focus on this and do not scroll this thought in your head over and over again. Instead of constantly thinking about the negative, it is better to listen carefully to what they say to you. By focusing on the essence of the conversation, you can quickly understand what exactly they want from you and end this unpleasant communication as quickly as possible.

Keep track of time

Time is one of the most limited human resources.

It's more about how to behave in a way that doesn't annoy someone. Time is one of the most limited human resources. It is of course for anyone, regardless of status and amount of money. Therefore, it is terribly annoying when a person makes himself wait for no apparent reason, but simply in order to seem important. Remember this and don't make people wait and waste their most precious resource.

When communicating with a person, remember that only you can control your behavior. And the outcome of your conversation depends on this. Yes, sometimes we cannot choose our interlocutor or partner, but we can choose how to behave.

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Unpleasant people are found everywhere - it could be an overly demanding boss, relatives who give out “valuable” advice left and right, or scandalous fellow travelers on public transport. Scientists say that communicating with such people can be harmful to health, and negative emotions spread like the real flu. But there are tricks that will help protect against the adverse influence of such a person and make communication useful.

1. Avoid getting hit

The principle of depreciation is a technique for avoiding conflicts, described in the book Psychological Aikido by Russian psychologist Mikhail Litvak. According to the principles of the book, preventing and ending conflict occurs by redirecting the energy of the aggressor back to him. Simply put, when you receive a “psychological blow,” behave like a cat falling from a height: soften it. This algorithm can be successfully applied in the family, at work, and in social life.

If your opponent accuses you, agree with his statement. A couple of dodges and the enemy is disoriented, because he did not receive the expected emotions from this conflict.

2. Repeat the end of the angry opponent’s phrase

Mirroring is a well-known psychological method. But it is not a human invention; even chimpanzees resort to the tactic of mirroring their fellow tribesmen. Keep in mind that mirroring is a subtle process; your opponent should not think that you are laughing at him.

When you repeat the words of your interlocutor, filling them with your own meaning, they are perceived as his own. It is easier for an angry person to listen to your arguments if they partly belong to him.

3. Involve an arbitrator

Calling someone for help does not mean hiding behind someone else's back. The participation of third parties allows you to look at the conflict in a new way and find ways to break the deadlock. From the point of view of neurobiology, a dispute is a threatening situation, and the receptors responsible for the excitability of the parasympathetic nervous system, they begin to sound the alarm. So the mediator in the conflict will take on the role of a lightning rod and judge you without unnecessary emotions.

Asking someone for help not a sign of immaturity, but, on the contrary, evidence of your understanding of the laws of real life.

4. Treat yourself to an imaginary cake

The cakes are very sweet, tasty, and they can also bring a smile to those with a sweet tooth. Angry people often need such an imaginary cake. Often their anger comes from self-doubt, fear of losing authority, and resentment. Don't be greedy, share a couple of pieces of imaginary cake with them. After all, by giving in something small, you can get big benefits in the future.

IN conflict situation meet your interlocutor halfway. It’s just important to remember that the demands must be reasonable and justified - don’t overstep yourself.

5. Imagine an unpleasant person in an awkward situation.

It happens that there is no way to respond to the offender; he does not even allow him to open his mouth. Visualize. If you imagine that the boss yelling at you is wearing a pink tutu, it will be much easier to survive the stream of moralizing.

6. Feed the aggressor

Another way to resolve a conflict is to offer the angry person something edible (candy, cookies) or hand him a bottle of water. The whole secret is that when you give something to your opponent, he experiences an unconscious desire to reciprocate, to meet you halfway.

In addition, since ancient times, eating has had a sacred meaning. People who share a meal become allies in a way. It is easier for them to find ways to reconciliation. And screaming with your mouth full is very problematic.

Ecology of consciousness. Psychology: Have you decided to change your life, correct something and rethink? Look around at those around you. Perhaps among them there are those who always pull you down, make you upset, and take away your positive energy. Think about how your world would change if you stopped communicating with these people.

10 types of people with whom it is better not to communicate

Have you decided to change your life, fix something and rethink? Look around at those around you. Perhaps among them there are those who always pull you down, make you upset, and take away your positive energy. Think about how your world would change if you stopped communicating with these people.

Let's highlight 10 types of such people.

People who make your life more stressful

We sometimes need stress. This is a stimulus to action, a shake-up for the soul. Stress due to various situations it happens and will always happen - this is normal and even useful. But there are special people who, through their words or actions, deliberately put you into a state of stress and anxiety.

Such individuals are endlessly burdened with their problems. Communicating with them means listening to endless whining and complaints. Negative emotions pour out on you in a torrent and put you into a state of despondency. Such acquaintances try to convince you of the futility of your efforts in some matter, they demotivate you. It’s better to isolate yourself from such “friends” and keep contacts to a minimum.. They are energy vampires; you will get nothing but fatigue and irritation from such communication.

People using you

The duty of friends is to come to the rescue, support, if possible, mentally and financially. O. True friend- a gift that must be protected and treasured. To come to the aid of friends at the first call, putting aside your own affairs - this is what is required of loved one, a kind of litmus test showing the level of our mental development.

People who don't respect you

Every person wants to be respected. A dismissive or unworthy attitude offends and insults. If among your friends there are such unceremonious people who demonstrate their disrespect for you, they are not worthy of your attention. Apart from low self-esteem, they will not bring anything into your life. Get rid of those whose words or constant jokes spoil your mood. Don't waste your time on people who don't want to see you as a person worthy of respect.

People who hurt you

All people make mistakes and do stupid things. You need to be able to forgive, especially when it comes to loved ones. Resentment towards others destroys the person himself from the inside. If among your surroundings there are people who regularly cause pain, who do not have sincere repentance for their actions, move them away from you. You should not develop masochism in yourself. This primarily harms you and negatively affects those close to you who love you.

People are liars

Almost everyone can lie, embellish something, make something up. Most of the lies are harmless, we often even guess that the interlocutor is “flooding”, we like to lie ourselves. When this lie does not cause harm, it is understandable, but there are people who lie all the time. Their lies can be dangerous. Such “instances” will easily let you down, they will set you up at any moment. Without trust there is no friendship. Surround yourself only with those you can trust. Your life will become calmer, you will always feel confident in your loved ones, only such reliable people can become a support.

People are hypocrites

A person who says one thing to your face and another behind your back cannot be a friend. Only cowards, hypocrites, and scum do this. They don't have the courage to be honest. Often this behavior is driven by malicious intent.: to quarrel, upset, cause pain. They are not just unpleasant individuals, they are dangerous creatures that can ruin your reputation, hinder your career, and even ruin your life. Stay away from these hypocrites, don't have any contact with them. Only completely ignoring such individuals will protect you from harm.

Selfish people

Everyone suffers from selfishness. But there are egocentric people. They know how to communicate well and are quite fun to be with. They know how to correctly and tearfully ask for help, so it is impossible to refuse. However, you will not receive any reciprocal attention or support from them. They are not able to give, help, sacrifice. These "pseudo-friends" are especially harmful because they create the illusion of friendship. You will expect help from them, but they will disappear at the most crucial moment. After all, their own interests are above the troubles of others.

People who pull you back to your old lifestyle

Our lives are constantly changing. We develop, grow mentally, acquire new habits. It is quite natural and natural to be surrounded by new people and acquaintances. Sometimes it’s time to break off relations with old comrades, especially if we are talking about people who are trying to slow down your development, pulling you down, and preventing you from fighting bad inclinations. If a friend doesn’t want to grow with you and no longer shares interests, it’s better to separate. Now everyone has their own path. Life is a movement, don't stop.

People who are “a childhood friend - you can’t escape him”

It is very rare when people are friends from school to old age. We choose our friends based on their interests and worldview. It can be sad and painful to part with those who were close to you. for many years, be it a classmate, classmate or colleagues. Of course, this does not mean that you should immediately and forever break off the relationship. It’s quite normal to keep in touch by phone, congratulate you on holidays and just be interested in how life turned out for you. ex-friend. But deliberately torturing yourself by communicating with a person with whom you now have no common themes and goals is not necessary.

People who waste your time and space

Time is running fast. We constantly fail to do something. There is no need to waste yourself on everyone you meet. Limit the number of people you know. Give your time and energy to people who inspire, support, and motivate you. Create quality in your life, useful communication. Large quantity empty acquaintances and meaningless conversations only steal your time, energy and destabilize you mentally.published

We've all met people who are simply unbearable to be around. But what to do? How can you continue to work effectively and feel normal if you cannot avoid communicating with people you dislike?

To begin with, it’s worth remembering that “unbearable” people are often simply very different from us. The world is very diverse, and others may have radically different ideas and beliefs. If we look at these differences with an open mind, we can understand that in most cases, different does not mean “wrong” or “bad” - it is just different.

In addition, we do not know what is currently happening to a person. Perhaps he is going through a difficult period right now, and constant stress is affecting his behavior. Therefore, before judging someone and calling him unpleasant, show the ability to empathize, try to look at the situation through his eyes. Try to understand others and, most likely, you will be able to build more friendly relationships with them.

2. Focus on the positives

It is often easier for us to see only those qualities of a person that cause unpleasant emotions in us. To make communication with him more comfortable, try to pay attention to his positive aspects. It is quite possible that as a result you will learn about many of its valuable qualities that are not always noticeable at first glance.

Once you begin to pay attention to these qualities and praise your colleague for demonstrating them, you are likely to see his behavior begin to change for the better, and along with it, the dynamics of your relationship.

3. Remember: you only control your behavior.

It's easy to blame your worries specific person or the situation as a whole, but, unfortunately, even if you don’t like the behavior of the other, trying to change it will lead to nothing.

Each of us is responsible only for our own thoughts, feelings and actions - and that's all we can control. It doesn't matter how irritated or dissatisfied you are - only you, and not anyone else, controls your emotions and behavior. Focus on what you personally can do to improve the situation. Think about how best to respond to what irritates you. Try to restrain the first impulsive reaction so as not to aggravate the situation.

4. Learn to set boundaries

Everyone’s personal boundaries are different: some are open and easily share any details from their lives, others prefer to close themselves off from the world and remain silent even in the company of friends.

It is important to be clear about both your own boundaries and the personal boundaries of your colleagues. If your boundaries are violated, think about the fact that perhaps the person did it unconsciously: it’s just that his own boundaries are much less strict than yours. In this case, clearly, confidently and calmly explain where your boundaries are, let them know about your preferences and needs.

In most cases with someone you don't know, it's best to stick to formal boundaries until you know them well enough to know where they draw the line between what's acceptable and what's offensive.