What to do if you don't know how to solve the problem. Hopeless situations.
When difficult life circumstances arise in our lives, we, as a rule, plunge headlong into our experiences, asking questions: “Why do I need this?”, “Why did this happen to me?”, which do not help us at all, but on the contrary , worsen our psycho-emotional state.

We concentrate even more on the problem that bothers us, immerse ourselves in negative emotions, we devote most of our time to searching for solutions and still cannot find it. We get upset and lose faith in ourselves. Most people, seeing no way out of the situation, gradually come to terms with negative changes and continue to go with the flow of life, hoping that over time everything will be resolved and the current will take them to a more favorable shore.

Remember, when we are fixated on a problem, we look at the world and perceive it through the prism of this problem, and do not notice the rest, and this may be the key to overcoming this difficulty.

You need to realize one truth: there is always a solution, and we know about it.
Eat 2 important points , to which I would like to draw your attention:

– there are no hopeless situations, there are solutions that we don’t like
– due to the fact that solving a problem may require leaving your comfort zone, overcoming your fears, working on yourself, we often block the awareness of such a solution, and can walk in circles for a long time in search of a way out.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU CAN'T SEE A WAY OUT?

1. Answer questions honestly:

– How do you perceive your role in organizing your own life?
– Do you think that you can have a decisive influence on your future?

Listed below are some possible reactions to difficult life circumstances. Your task is to determine to what extent they are inherent in you:
“life is cruel/unfair to me”;
“I can’t do anything about it, it’s not in my power”;
“I want changes, but they are impossible under such circumstances”;
“no matter what I do, it’s all in vain, tomorrow something will go wrong again”;
“This is a punishment from above, apparently I was guilty of something.”

If you recognize your reactions in any of the statements listed, ask yourself how often do you resort to them? Answering these three questions will give you a deeper understanding of how much control you really have. own life and accept responsibility for what is happening.

2. It is necessary to distance yourself from the problem..

When difficult circumstances occur in our lives, or as we think hopeless situations, we become completely involved in them emotionally and our attention is narrowed so much that we notice almost nothing except the immediate problem. When we step out of character actor, that is, a subject to whom something happened and we take the position of an observer, we can learn a lot of new things about this problem. Our vision of what happened changes, emotions subside and we are already able to notice those nuances that we did not pay attention to before.

3. The “advice to a friend” technique works great.

Ask yourself:
– What would I advise a friend who found himself in a similar situation?

This is another way to distance ourselves from the problem, reduce emotional involvement and partially relieve responsibility for the solutions we propose. It is the unwillingness to bear responsibility for the consequences of our choice that prevents us from realizing how often there is an obvious way out of the situation and causes delay in making a decision. I recommend you watch my video on how to learn to make decisions.

4. Fear of committing wrong choice – another reason why the situation may seem hopeless. As I said, there is always a way out, but we are afraid to make the wrong decision, and therefore we often begin to ignore the problem, try to find ways to escape from it, someone escapes from reality by immersing themselves in entertainment, computer games, watching TV series, and someone finds peace in alcohol, drugs, and so on.

It is important to realize what is right and wrong the right decision- this is a myth, we cannot know in advance how our choice will turn out until we set foot on the chosen path. I talk more about this in my video “Why is it so difficult to make a decision?”

5. Another search recommendation best solution – give your freedom creativity . Take a piece of paper or a voice recorder, whichever is more convenient for you, describe your problem situation and then you need to do the following. Record the time, say 5 minutes, set an alarm, and start recording everyone possible solutions. The main condition is not to criticize yourself and the options that will flash in your head. Your goal is to record as much as possible more ideas, and in in this case limited time will force you to focus as much as possible on finding solutions. The next step is to choose the best of all options for solving your problem.

6. If none of the methods I suggested help you find a way out of the situation, then just give yourself time. State your question and let your unconscious find the most suitable solution. At first glance, such a recommendation seems somehow magical and smacks of esoteric teachings. However, if you understand the process from a psychological point of view, everything falls into place and the picture becomes clearer. Our behavior, daily choices and actions are determined largely by our unconscious. In addition, often some ideas and desires are rejected at the level of consciousness as unrealistic, delusional, difficult to achieve, inappropriate, and so on. And the amount of information that we are aware of is very, very limited.

I like the analogy of an iceberg, where the tip is our consciousness, and everything that is hidden under the water, that is, the main part of the iceberg, is the unconscious. The technique that I offer works great if you begin to trust yourself more, you will be open to new things coming from the outside and your inner world information, you will be attentive to what is happening around you in order to notice clues in time and take advantage of them.

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Perhaps for someone it will be on time and will help a lot!

We often ask ourselves questions and try to find answers to them: Why does my life turn out this way and not otherwise?
Why am I so lonely and there is no man or woman close to me?
Why do I chronically have no money, no matter how hard I try?

There can be a lot of such questions and usually there are a lot of them.

Any thinking and attentive person will try to understand, first of all, himself, if something in his life is not really turning out the way he wants. You can do this on your own - read books, watch movies, chat with friends. As you know, the path is long and not always 100% successful.

There is one simple option - you can simply seek help from a psychologist. It will be one hundred percent effective, fast and easy!

What's happened psychological problem and where does it come from?

The reasons for all our failures, dissatisfaction, and discomfort lie in our psyche. Any external factors simply aggravate this or that situation. If a person works hard on himself, he manages to change himself, his attitude towards the world, but dissatisfaction with life still remains - then most likely the reason is definitely psychological - from the section of depth psychology.

If you are trying to find answers to questions, you are on the right track. And a psychologist, like no one else, can help you become satisfied with yourself and your life. It is enough to put in effort, time and competence and the problem will be solved.

Typically, a psychological problem arises when a person has an unconscious internal fixation on some object or subject, as if connected (in the opinion of the person himself) with achieving the desired goal. And any person has only two types of desires - either to get something (to have, to be, to become, to realize, to possess, etc.), in other words, “the desire for...”, or to get rid of something (to run away, destroy, leave, push away, free yourself, etc.), in other words, “desire from...”. If this is not achieved in any way, a problem arises.

Often the problem is twofold. Those. on the one hand, a person unconsciously strives for his goal, but cannot achieve it due to internal psychological reasons(complexes, unconstructive behavior, stress, lack of skills, etc.). On the other hand, for the same internal psychological reasons, he is afraid to achieve his cherished goal (someone or something threatens punishment for attempting a solution). Moreover, in many cases this mechanism occurs unconsciously or, at best, semi-consciously.

Intrapersonal conflict– conflict within the psychological world of the individual. A clash of conflicting desires, goals, ideals.

Psychological trauma– mental damage after strong experiences. This could be stress, divorce, death of a loved one, danger to life, etc.

Frustration - a state of experiencing failure. It is accompanied by irritability, anger, and depression.

Neurotic reactions and conditions – fears, anxiety, worry, phobias. They arise as a reaction to a difficult life situation.

Costs of education – training in certain psychological emotions, parental prohibitions, complexes, stereotypes.

Psychosomatic disorders – physiological and physical disorders caused by certain emotional states.

Existential problems and problems of self-realization – worries about the correctness of your choice life path. The desire to find the meaning of existence.

Interpersonal conflicts - conflicts with other people. Family conflicts (problems with children, infidelity, divorce), conflicts at work, conflicts with friends and finally conflicts with complete strangers.

When your head is a mess, thoughts overlap one another, you really can’t concentrate on any of them, then it seems that you are forever mired in your problems and questions.

In this case, it is useful to reboot and get rid of excess garbage in your head. Here are a few steps to help you get rid of the heap unresolved problems your brain, if it suddenly “stalled”:

1. Get it all out

One of the best ways to free yourself from psychological clutter. Sit down at your computer, take a laptop, a sheet of paper, or start scratching with a stylus right on the PDA screen. Write down everything, regardless of whether you think it's stupid or petty - write everything that comes to mind.

Don't worry about spelling, grammar or anything else. Let your thoughts and feelings flow naturally all the way to the tip of your pen or the keys of your keyboard. Don't stop while you have something to write about.

In the process of expressing your thoughts, you can switch to “hard” expressions (this helps many). The main thing is not to judge, criticize or evaluate from the outside what you write and how you feel about it.

As a result of this outpouring, you will probably feel lighter and calmer. Your head will become much clearer and will help you deal with all your problems.

2. Identify the things that bother you

Let's write a little again. Try to make a list of things or questions that bother you and just worry you a little. It could be anything: problems at work or in bed, upcoming holidays, business, a constantly glitching computer, health, parents, wife, younger sister’s hamster, which stinks so much that you can go crazy, etc.

Record everything that is at least a little annoying or disturbing - nothing here is superfluous or small. By the way, don’t be surprised that all these “joys of life” turn out to be more than you originally thought.

As an intermediate result, you will know all the “enemies” by sight, and it will become much easier for your brain to concentrate in the fight against them.

3. Plan ways to solve problems

There are always days, events or certain times that are optimal for solving certain issues.

Next to each item on your worry list, write down what needs to happen for you to solve the problem and when you plan to solve it. And is it necessary to solve it at all? Maybe it’s easier to just forget about it and forget about it?

5. Kill the problem

Take a list of problems that you have already prepared and start solving them one by one, crossing off each one you solve. The order doesn't matter. Go through the list as you like, even using the “scientific poking” method.

After solving a problem, take a break to reflect on what you have done and analyze how well you dealt with it. And, of course, congratulate yourself on having one less hemorrhoid.

Problems in life arise in the life of every person all the time, but, unfortunately, not everyone knows how to cope with them. There are those who prefer to stand quietly in a trench rather than a heroic battle, waiting for the enemy to leave on his own or for someone to come to their defense. This position is fundamentally wrong, and this approach to problems must be decisively combated.

How, instead of hiding from them or waiting for someone to solve them for us, experts in human psychology know. Due to the increase in general stress modern life psychologists willingly share with others valuable advice on overcoming life’s difficulties. They all agree that every person should, at all costs, learn to independently solve problems that arise.

Identify a specific problem and its importance

A problem can be considered the loss of keys and dismissal from work, tooth loss, and Sometimes a person can classify as a problem a life situation that he has never encountered and which forces him to take actions that are unusual for him, knocking him out of his psychological comfort zone. Therefore, before driving yourself into stress, it is worth considering whether the problem is far-fetched.

At the same time, it is important to clearly highlight existing problems. You may even have to make a list listing them. The next thing to do is to determine the weight and urgency of solving each problem. It is important to understand which ones should be resolved first and which ones can wait. You should not rush to solve everything in one fell swoop, as you may simply not have enough strength for this, and the quality of such a solution is greatly reduced.

Develop the Right View

Once the true problems have been identified and the order of their resolution has been lined up, it is necessary to move on to the next step - forming the correct view of them. Of course, the complexity of situations varies, however, before you begin to resolve each of them, you need to think about what useful things can be learned from it. Does this sound strange? Not at all.

Solving every problem requires you to demonstrate one or several qualities at once. This means that the development or training of certain character traits can be considered a positive aspect of each of them. In addition, in difficult situations we can become more active and quick-witted, we learn to think and behave outside the box. According to scientists, leaving the psychologically comfortable zone is the best path for a person to personal growth.

Calm your emotions and make a plan

Before solving problems, you need to pacify your emotions. Panic and anger do not allow us to soberly assess the situation and our actions; under the influence of feelings, we tend to act illogically. Almost everyone who has at least once made a decision based on emotions immediately and later regretted it more than once.

To successfully solve various problems in life, you need to draw up a detailed plan of your actions. It is worth starting to compile it immediately after emotions have subsided and the ability to think sensibly and rationally has returned. Do not forget that a plan to overcome a problem is just an outline consisting of proposed actions. It is necessary to prepare in advance for the fact that it will have to be adjusted. Moreover, this can happen both before the start of its implementation and during it.

Confront the Fear of Failure

Often the biggest obstacle to how to solve problems is fear. It paralyzes and prevents you from seeing clearly what is happening. Usually our greatest fear is failure, we are afraid that the plan we have drawn up will turn out to be a complete failure or that additional unexpected difficulties will arise. How to solve the problem associated with your own fear?

First, try not to get hung up on the idea that something won't work out. Drive away these thoughts like your most terrible enemy. There is only one way to overcome fear - by accepting it and doing what you are afraid of. Try to imagine in the opposite direction. Imagine that everything worked out for you, feel in your imagination the taste of success and the satisfaction that you have achieved your goal and the problem is left behind.

To understand how to solve problems yourself, in some situations it would be useful to talk about what is tormenting you with those you trust. Sometimes this alone can help, because while you present the whole essence of what is happening, highlighting the main thing and trying to convey it to the listener in an understandable language, everything will also become clearer in your head and fall into place. It is possible that after this a decision will suddenly dawn on you.

If this does not happen, then close person, whom you have dedicated to the essence of your problem, firstly, can help you emotionally, and secondly, can give you loving and compassionate advice. It would be especially good if this person had ever encountered similar problem. Or maybe you can find someone who can provide practical help?

Picture your downfall

A great psychologist advises to get rid of the panicky fear of failure by looking straight into its eyes. In other words, you need to believe in success, but at the same time clearly realize that no one in this world is completely immune from anything. Why think about failure, isn't it discouraging?

Dale Carnegie explains this by saying that in a problematic situation, a fiasco for many means the end of life. They are terrified even for a moment to imagine that everything will end in the worst way for them, and they have no idea how they will live after that. According to the psychologist, having thought through our actions in advance if everything does not go as we hope, we protect ourselves from panic fear of such a turn of events and will not be completely confused if everything happens.

Assess the problem globally

When you need to solve a problem, try to look at it from a different perspective. For example, if you have nothing to wear, look at your problem through the eyes of a legless cripple. And if you are upset because you quarreled with your husband, look at your problem from the perspective of a recently widowed woman. If you are not satisfied with the quality of your life, go to the cemetery. A bit gloomy? Believe me, this will help move your problem at least a little from the central place in your life.

Or you can try this - look at the Earth, at yourself and at your problem from space. Can you imagine how small she will seem then? Imagination, it turns out, can be used for such useful purposes. Also, when a problem that has arisen puts too much pressure on us, we can try to imagine how we will remember it in a year or five years. Maybe then it will turn into a funny story from life that we will amuse our friends with?

Don’t forget about rest and don’t “saw sawdust”

Psychologists who know better than others how to solve problems with the least possible losses for themselves advise not to forget that the body always needs rest. Experiencing stress, which absorbs the lion's share of the energy produced by the body, a person loses strength. Adequate physical and emotional rest will help increase their number.

A person is especially weakened by constant regrets about something that caused a problem or prevented him from successfully overcoming it. You shouldn’t “saw sawdust,” that is, return your thoughts to the past again and again in order to properly regret it. This doesn't make any sense. If your pressing problem concerns something that cannot be changed in any way, try to distract yourself from it and not constantly scroll through it in your head. You will no longer influence what happened, but your thoughts greatly influence what can happen to your health.

Armed with expert advice, you can safely fight your problems. It would be foolish to expect some kind of miraculous ending to this fight, but you can count without a doubt that thanks to the right approach, problems will be solved much easier. Remember, everyone is capable of solving their problems on their own, and no one is assigned to do this dirty work for you.