How to properly respond to insults? There is no one in the world who has never been offended.

However, some look optimistic and satisfied with life, while others react painfully to other people's attacks and clog "in a mink".

Let's think about how to properly respond to insults and remain unconvinced?

Big bosses, school teachers, kindergarten teachers, employees of registry offices and housing departments, even ordinary janitors - all the time they strive to offend the innocent.

It is important to distinguish criticism (albeit in a rude form) from insults. A criticizing person will definitely name the facts, his claims are due to specific things and actions.

But the offender often becomes personal, descends to swearing, calling names, but this has nothing to do with your mistakes.

What to do if your boss insults you

In my life there were two opposite working collectives. Pleasant people gathered at the planning meetings of the first one, discussed successes, calmly expressed criticism, and supported those who did not succeed.

After the speech of the talented and calm leader, everyone was full of enthusiasm and set to work with redoubled energy.

At meetings of the second job, the boss constantly shouted, he considered everyone mediocrity and fools.

He could humiliate a young girl for an immodest outfit, a chubby secretary for being overweight, and torture a colleague for half an hour for a crumpled tie.

Exhausted and tired, everyone took up work with reluctance, once a month someone was sure to quit “on their own”.

The easiest way to say “run from this job”, because nothing will change the boss. But not everyone can change lucrative positions like gloves.

However, if you correctly respond to insults, you will soon be able to earn his respect and stay in the team for a long time.

What is needed for that? calm tone, increased self-esteem, smile, self-esteem and understanding of the causes of other people's behavior.

The shorter your answers will be,all the better.

Do not get angry in response, put on a friendly face and forgive the offender in advance. After all, he is weak and primitive, and you are stronger, higher than him.

1. Get away from the situation. Work is not life, it's just work. You get money - not for nerves and complaisance, but for your skills, period.

But no one pays for your peace of mind, so take care of it. Limit contacts with unpleasant people. And after work, friends, children, wife, pets, a delicious dinner, your favorite series are waiting for you.

2. Turn on "ignore". Keep quiet and go about your business until the boss returns to a calm tone.

3. If the offender is inflamed in earnest, you can, hiding malice, thank him for his kind remarks.

He tells you: “Yes, you are probably crazy!”, You boomerang to him: “Oh, you noticed it very well.”

He: “Yes, I have never seen you more stupid,” and you: “Thank you, I appreciate all your comments. I will definitely work on myself." Smile sincerely, well, almost.

4. Consider the scale of the disaster. Is it so scary that a colleague in the heat of a dispute called you an ugly name? There is a war somewhere in the world, someone is always starving, stars explode, new planets are formed ...

On the scale of the universe, the words of some bungler are empty, zero. Should I respond to insults and worry?

5.The method of "aquarium fish" helped many of my colleagues. It is enough to imagine that the boss is talking and talking, and only bubbles come out of his mouth and only gurgling is heard.

Separate yourself mentally from it with aquarium glass and enjoy the view.

6. When they shout at you for no reason (in other words, when it is not necessary to delve into the meaning of words), strain your imagination and Imagine boss, say, giant hamster. Or a harmful monkey that escaped from the enclosure and steals bags from passers-by.

7. Draw air into your lungs and in one breath, exhaling evenly, say: "I would like you to be more polite to me."

Or " Let's get to the point: what specific claims do you have against me? It puts some people in their place, like an ice cold shower.

One of my university teachers managed to overwhelm the smartest students: instead of talking on tickets, she poured personal insults in a low, sarcastic voice. Yes, yes, there are such luminaries of science.

But my not the most gifted (but calm as a tank) classmate managed to pass everything on the first try. During the exam, he also quietly told her, “You are being unprofessional. Let's get back to the subject, shall we?"

8. It is very important to remind presumptuous bosses that slavery and serf labor have long been abolished.

If you are insulted, and you hear cries of “I demand”, “I order” and the like, try changing the tone of the conversation with a calm phrase: “So what kind of request?”, focusing on the last word.

9. The most important – don't show resentment, do not succumb to provocation.

Do not break into response reproaches and shouting, do not move your eyebrows angrily, and in general, do not give the offender a reason to see that you are hurt. And only then will you win.

If the scream is compressed into a lump in your throat, go to the toilet, turn on the taps and scream. And then wash your face, smile in the mirror, take a deep breath - and back again.

10. A few more magical phrases that put a person in his place:“Why are you trying to offend me?”, “Are you having an unpleasant day today? I understand, it happens”, “You seemed to me a different, more pleasant person”, “I didn’t expect this from you”, “Excuse me, are you finished? I would like to work."

11. Control your thoughts. Do not remember offensive words at night, do not invent theoretical answers, do not wish for revenge.

All this exhausts you, spoils your mood, but does not affect the offender in any way.

The most “vindictive” thing you can do is to live peacefully and enjoy the new day in spite of everything.

This is one of the first desires that arise after an insult. But a retaliatory attack is appropriate only if it:

• witty;
• takes place in the circle of relatives or friends;
• defuse the situation rather than exacerbate the conflict.

In all other cases, even if you consider yourself a wit worse than Oscar Wilde, answering an insult with an insult is not the best way out. So you sink to the level of a boorish opponent and make it clear that his words hurt you, that is, there may be some truth in them.

2. Make a joke

The difference between a witty insult and a joking response is that in the latter case, you are making fun of the situation itself. The advantages of this strategy are obvious: the insult loses its toxicity, tension, and the audience (if any) takes your side.

In this case, you can also take a pseudo-self-deprecating position. This will confuse your opponent and mask the sarcasm.

Example 1: A colleague says you've prepared an ugly presentation.

Answer: You are probably right. Next time, I won't ask my five-year-old son for help."

Example 2: A stranger calls you names.

Answer: “Thank you, this is very valuable information. You opened my eyes to my shortcomings. Something to think about over lunch."

3. Accept

In some cases, it is really worth analyzing words that seem offensive to you. Especially if they come from people close and respected by you. In this case, take their remarks not as an insult, but as criticism that can make you better.

It would be useful to think about the motives of people, to find out what exactly made them use harsh language. Perhaps this is a violent reaction to your far from angelic behavior.

4. Respond to intent, not words

Any insult always has a hidden purpose. Make the secret clear: designate it.

For example, in response to rude words, say: “Wow! Something really serious happened between us, since you decided to hurt me.

So, on the one hand, you can unsettle your opponent, and on the other hand, find out the reason for his negative attitude.

5. Keep calm

If the insult comes not from a loved one, but from a colleague, acquaintance, or even a stranger, never show that the words hurt you. Most likely, behind them lies insecurity, dissatisfaction with their own lives and a desire to simply recoup you. Don't let the trick work, react calmly and with a smile.

If necessary, continue to bend your line: ask what exactly caused such a reaction in a person, not paying attention to his words.

6. Ignore

Often the best answer is its absence. If we are talking about Internet trolls, you can simply not respond to their comments or send boors to . Well, "in offline mode" you can always skip the insult past your ears or leave. You have every right to do so.

An example from ancient Roman history... Once, in the public baths, someone hit the politician Cato. When the offender came to apologize, Cato replied: "I don't remember the blow."

This phrase can be interpreted as follows: "You are so insignificant that not only do I not care about your apology, but I did not even notice the insult itself."

7. Use the law

You can hold the offender accountable, or at least threaten him with it. Punishment for insult is prescribed in the Code of Administrative Offenses, but slander is already in the scope of criminal law. In case of insults from the boss, you can contact the personnel department.

The main thing - remember: no one has the right to encroach on your honor, dignity and reputation. But you must respond to people in the same way. Otherwise, any recommendations are meaningless.

How to respond to insults - Do I need to respond?

How to behave if you are insulted?
— How to respond to humiliation: general rules
— How to learn to respond to an offender and not provoke new ones
What to do if you are being rude online?
- How to respond to rudeness from relatives?
- Conclusion

Most often, they offend intentionally, for some reason, for example, trying to offend, humiliate, or show that the offender is better than you.

Insult is always unpleasant, so you need to know how to respond to them. Those who do not know how to respond to insults can go into serious depression.

You may be offended to the core by phrases that you consider to be true. But it's not. So just make it clear to others. Start loving yourself, from your fingertips to your hair and your soul. There are no more like you. Remember this. You are unique. Nobody has the right to be rude to you. You are good at everything that gives you joy. You are smart. You are beautiful. Say nice words to yourself every morning in front of the mirror, admire yourself.

Well think about it, why do people try to offend people who are not like them? In fact, the answer is simple - people are afraid. They are afraid to look weaker than others, thereby insulting and humiliating you. Don't give up and don't let them insult you.

They try to appear stronger by humiliating others, but in reality, offenders are weak personalities.

Therefore, be smarter, be calm about unpleasant phrases addressed to you. Remember that this person is weaker than you and is afraid of simply being worse than you.

It must be remembered that constructive criticism and insults are different things. So, as criticism implies assistance in eliminating the shortcomings of a person, and when insulting, a person humiliates someone else's dignity, while demonstrating his own. Therefore, there is not a drop of truth in insults and therefore you should not take them to heart and delve into yourself, thereby causing sadness and bad emotions in yourself.

Sometimes offenders use non-standard vocabulary, very rude phrases, in order to offend more. It happens that they use subtle insults, manifested through frank sarcasm, ridicule. In order to correctly respond to the words of the offender, you need to understand what insults are flying in your direction.

for example, you do not need to respond to insults with direct obscene words, you can simply load a person with words using the knowledge of neurolinguistic programming.

There are too emotional personalities who are not familiar to you, but stuck in a public place. These can behave inappropriately and attack with fists. Therefore, if you sense that a person is not friendly with the language, then just ignore it. Why would you stoop to the same level. Yes, and the fight will definitely not lead to good.

It is best to calmly respond with an indifferent voice or ignore it. It turns out that you do not care what he thinks and says. As a result, he will quickly fall behind.

An interesting thing is when they try to give you a negative assessment of your appearance or your actions, try to thank the person. This will obviously baffle him and he will not find anything else to say.

Remember that there is no exact way to properly respond to insults. After all, it depends on the situation and on who offends you. But thanks to this article, you can understand how to respond to offenders.

— How to respond to humiliation: general rules

— How to learn to respond to an offender and not provoke new ones

The ability to quickly formulate thoughts will help you to get out of any verbal duel as a winner and put in place a presumptuous interlocutor.
There are people who are rude more often than others. There is such a thing - the psychology of the victim. Sacrificial people who are easy to offend (he has such an appearance, he behaves this way, it can be seen from him that he will not be able to respond to an insult) - he will always find his boor.

Often people are not able to somehow respond to an insult because of their own insecurity, low self-esteem, or natural shyness. Having heard unpleasant words addressed to them, they, overwhelmed by fear, cannot utter a word. Here we need an integrated approach - having started the fight against these qualities, constantly practice the ability to correctly respond to insults. And remember, the reaction to rudeness and boorish behavior must come from the depth of inner steadfastness.

In addition, fear transmitted through some absolutely unthinkable channels can spur the offender to more and more rudeness. So in any conflict situation, including responding to insults, you must, first of all, curb your fear. We are so arranged that, not knowing how to defend ourselves from insult, we involuntarily begin to breathe deeper, strain our eyes, clench our fists or cross our legs and arms. Try to follow your emotions in such situations, and consciously control your external manifestations.

What to do if you are being rude online?

The best medicine is prevention. Communicating on the Web - on forums, in chats - we often do not notice how we ourselves provoke interlocutors to be rude in our direction. And, although the one who was rude is always to blame in such a situation, some rules should still be followed so as not to become a victim of ridicule and insults.

Rule 1. Never take to heart everything that happens on the Web.

Rule 2. Before sending a message, read it carefully several times, try to look at it from the outside - is it possible to understand it in two ways, does it correctly reflect your point of view.

Rule 3: Avoid grammatical errors.

Rule 4. Be respectful of all participants in the discussion.

Rule 5. Do not make offtopic under any circumstances, do not try to point your finger at where you were rude, and do not turn the conversation into proof that you were offended.

Rule 6. Distinguish between rudeness and objective criticism. If you have been criticized in a case, thank the critic, for example, with the words: "I'll think about it, thanks for the remark."

Rule 7. Always remember that the manifestation of rudeness is, first of all, proof of a person’s lack of worthy arguments.
But even following these rules will not protect you from insane individuals on the Web. In this case, you should properly respond to rudeness.

- How to respond to rudeness from relatives?

The desire to defend oneself and “send” when insulted is a healthy reaction of the body. Any person has the right to respect from other people and has the right to insist on this and demand respect for himself.
However, when it comes to relatives, especially parents, the healthy reaction of the body - anger - is hindered by other feelings: fear, love for relatives despite disagreements.

If there are prohibitions in the family on manifestations of anger, for example, “to be angry is not good”, to objections to parents, for example, “parents must be obeyed and you cannot be angry with them”, then there may also be a feeling of guilt for one’s anger and thoughts of “embedding” and "send". If insults and humiliation are the norm in a family, then there may be a strong sense of shame for one's helplessness and inability to defend oneself.

First of all, it is important for you to understand what kind of feelings you experience besides anger at your relatives when you are insulted. To do this, when you are alone, try to remember any time you were abused by them. Feel what emotions arise in response to their words.

Allow yourself to say what you want to say to them. Try to feel how you feel and keep talking about your reaction to the insults. For example, to be ashamed and speak, or be afraid, grieve, feel pain and speak.

You can respond to insults from relatives by showing them your feelings. It may look like this, depending on what feelings you find in yourself:

1) "I love you very much, but I feel offended when you do this";
2) “Your words cause me great pain. It’s very hard for me to listen when you say that”;
3) “When you talk like that, I don't understand what it's about. It will be easier for me to understand you if you don't insult me."

Sometimes with other people, including relatives, it is possible to speak only in their language, giving an adequate rebuff, where force is equal to counterforce. Grief about the fact that relatives are not able to show love and respect, and fight back. Sometimes separation is necessary from people who do not respond to the feelings of other people.

- Conclusion

Before responding to an insult, remember that by insulting you, a person, first of all, humiliates himself. There is a category of people who are unsure of themselves and try to assert themselves at the expense of others, insulting others. These are to be regretted. It is useless to engage in a skirmish with them. Their only job is to spoil your mood. Don't let them.

Another reason that you were offended may be the poor health of the interlocutor. When a person feels bad, he wants the people around him to feel lousy too.

In addition, even if you feel offended, it is quite possible that the person did not mean to offend you at all, but simply said what he thought. In this case, he had no intention of offending you. Only those whom we allow it can offend us. To feel humiliated or not is up to you.

The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site

If you learn how to deal with bullying and insults, it will be easier for you to behave in such unpleasant social situations. To protect yourself from bullying and insults, assess the situation, respond appropriately, and seek help if needed.

Steps

Assess the situation

Realize that it's not about you. People who tease and insult others are insecure themselves. Their bullying is often driven by fear, narcissism, and a desire to be in control. By bullying others, they feel stronger. Realizing that the problem lies with the abuser, and not with you, will help you become more confident in the current situation.

Understand what drives your abuser. If you make an effort to understand why a particular person is insulting or teasing you, you will have the key to solving the problem. Sometimes people bully others to assert themselves, and sometimes they do it because they don't understand you or the situation as well as they could. Or they are just jealous of what you have done or achieved.

1. Develop a plan to avoid the person or situation if possible. Avoiding the abuser can help minimize the amount of abuse or bullying you experience. And while it's not always possible, come up with ways to cut down on the amount of time you have to spend with a bully, or avoid contact altogether.

   • If you are being bullied on your way home from school, work with your parents to develop a safe route to avoid bullying or abuse.
   • If you are being teased or abused online, consider removing the offender from your social media or reducing the amount of time you spend on certain apps.

2. Determine if bullying is against the law. Sometimes bullying or insults are a direct violation of one of the codes or the Constitution of the Russian Federation. For example, if at work you experience sexual harassment by a colleague (not necessarily physical, but also verbal), this is already a violation of article 133 of the Criminal Code, and you must report it immediately.

   • If you are in school, you have the right to study in a safe, distraction-free environment. If someone is bullying you to the point that you don't feel safe, or it interferes with your studies (for example, by discouraging you from coming to school), you should discuss this with your parents or teacher.

3. Learn to be a more determined person . The ability to be decisive will help you deal with bullying. To be decisive, it is important to be able to say “no” to people, as well as clearly and clearly express your needs.

   • Tell me what specifically worries you. For example: "You often tease me about my hair, calling me a poodle or a lamb."
   • Express your feelings about the bullying. For example, you could say, “It makes me angry when you say these things because I personally think my hair looks amazing.”
   • Say what you would like. For example: “I want you to stop making fun of my hair. If you do it again, I'll leave."

Resentment is a problematic emotion that no one benefits from. Being offended, a person equally torments himself and the source of his offenses. So what's the point of being offended?

But it would be so easy! In practice, we all get offended from time to time. Someone is stronger, plunging into resentment entirely, someone - holding it back inside and calming it down over time. When communicating with another person, one cannot proceed only from the position that once you are offended, it is worse for the one who “sulks” and does not talk. In most cases, a person will scroll through the scenario of what happened in his head, look for excuses for himself. Therefore, it is appropriate to apologize even when you really did not mean to offend anyone, but “it just so happened”. So you save your personal energy resource and do not provoke unnecessary quarrels.

What to do if you are offended?

First, analyze how much you contributed to the situation, because of which the other person had a sediment and resentment. Perhaps you are really to blame. In order to painlessly resolve the situation, in most cases there is nothing easier than to approach and. We are all different, and therefore, in communicating with each other, jokes, remarks, barbs, and a dismissive attitude can be offensive. When a person is offended and does not talk, it means that you hurt him more than you thought. Understand what's the matter, in the very essence of resentment, it often lies a little deeper than on the surface.

The example when the boss breaks down on an excellent employee who prepared a report all night at his request is quite common. Yes, resentment at work is unprofessional, but a subordinate may harbor a subconscious resentment that will affect his future desire to fulfill his duties. Often it is the people who are loyal to you who are offended. You could raise your voice, point out a shortcoming in front of everyone, scold for some kind of blunders, but not move from the professional to the personal sphere. In a similar way, resentment “works” both in the family and in friendly relations.

Why are people offended?

In society, each person receives his portion of recognition and attention. If the work of a person or himself, as it seems to him, is not appreciated, then resentment begins to accumulate at a subconscious level. This is especially evident in people whom, but they tried their best to please and be useful.

If you were not noticed, then in adulthood the compensation factor works. You will want more attention, affection, warmth, confirmation of significance.

There is nothing wrong with this, but your behavior can provoke other people into harsh statements.

For example, you ask why people are offended by you, but you yourself do not understand that by your desire to move forward and get a share of attention, you turn everyone against you. If someone is offended and does not talk, then think, why is this happening? Are there really too touchy people around? You can apologize many times, but until you reconsider the reasons, you will find yourself in similar situations (even with different people).

What to do if you are offended in the family?

When it comes to relationships between a guy and a girl, between a man and a woman, then you need to consider situations in the context of all relationships. First, try to recognize the cause of the resentment. Many guys do not know what to do if a girl is offended and withdrawn.

There may be several nuances here. First: there is a type of girls who believe that "everyone owes" them. In the circle of girlfriends, the most touchy one will surely be found, and a rare guy does not know a girl who is constantly offended by everyone. This is a resentment for the purpose of manipulation, an incorrectly instilled, exaggerated sense of female dignity. In such situations, you can try to explain to the person that he is wrong, you can even apologize to smooth out the sharp corners of the conflict. But it will not be easy to continue relationships and close communication with such a person. You will put out the fire of resentment and emotions for a long time to come.

What to do if the girl is seriously offended?

There will definitely be a need. Perhaps you just do not understand how to behave with such a person. This happens, for example, if you grew up in families of different income levels. She was from a wealthy family, and you are from a modest one. A girl may not understand why you do not give luxurious gifts, work hard at work, save money.

In such situations, only a conversation will help. If a girl is interested in a positive outcome of the conflict, she will go forward, try to smooth out sharp corners. However, remember that you could make serious mistakes, severely injure a person. It makes no sense to apologize for the sake of decency, you have to admit that you did wrong.

What to do if the guy is offended?

Men perceive everything differently, and therefore in some situations they are not offended, but angry. The guy will not be offended if you tell him what to do in front of everyone - he will get very angry. Many girls do not understand this, but men believe that only children and women are offended. This is the main difference between the psychological perception of men and women.

However, what if the guy is seriously offended? This usually does not happen because of trifling situations that girls are used to being offended by. This may mean that you did not listen well to his requests and advice. Some women ignore calm conversation until they turn it into a raised voice. They are simply not able to recognize what their men want to convey to them, for whom “chewing” the situation does not mean its solution. As a result, the man gets angry and suffers, accumulating resentment, which subsequently flows into the end of the relationship.

What to do if you are offended?

Here we can draw a simple conclusion. If for some reason you were offended, then try to understand the situation and find out how justified the offense is. Sometimes this is an attempt to manipulate, and sometimes a sincere feeling that you are not able to understand due to various factors (upbringing, life and other points), and the offended person cannot control. The winner will always be the one who first wants to figure it out, apologize and build a strategy for further building relationships.