Every person regardless social status and beliefs, he tries to blame another for his troubles and misfortunes, even if there is no problem or the problems are internal. By placing our own blame on the shoulders of others, we try to psychologically justify our actions or inaction by playing the role of a victim who is unlucky in life due to various external factors, thereby removing the heat of our own shortcomings and complexes. IN social society the problem is not so acute and everyone treats it condescendingly, as if it is normal and justified, but it is not. Awareness of the problem does not solve the problem itself, but it helps to understand its root.

A person’s internal problems lie in the fact that he is constantly judging and looking for guilt in others, and this is the first sign of psychological problems of the individual and lack of trust in oneself. Yes, yes, precisely mistrust. Trying to blame others, we subconsciously want to avoid problems and feel more confident. If a person cannot understand how to solve his problems, then he does not believe in his own strength and psychologically cannot trust himself. The constant statement: “I’ll blame someone else and it will become easier for me” is personality degradation and the cause of most personal psychological and physical problems. One is inseparable from the other. This manifests itself well in the family circle when quarrels, reproaches, life problems, misunderstanding of each other and others rolling in like a snowball.

Many people argue that guilt emphasizes our power over someone, but this is all nonsense. As I wrote earlier: the search for guilt protects us from problems (but does not solve them) and gives a fleeting sense of psychological peace, which immediately disappears, but does not in any way emphasize power over others. Guilt and subconscious discontent increase in a person negative emotions, behavior and makes him unhappy, alienating people from himself. Man himself creates problems.

How to deal with this?

First of all, change the stereotypes in life - start being self-critical of yourself. Self-criticism towards yourself gives a good tone and the opportunity to understand the root of the problems without making much effort.

Stop blaming other people for your own problems and instability, look at everything from the outside, in most cases you yourself are to blame for the current situations.

Consider problems and results from the inside (comprehensively), thereby you will be able to see the correct chain of your actions and give yourself logical feedback.

Learn to admit your own mistakes - this will give not only an impetus to self-development, but also serious psychological growth over yourself.

Learn to lead own life and not give in to emotions, especially in stressful situations, treat everything calmly, including a “cool” head and common sense, then everything will fall into place.

There are many ways to help yourself and change your life, but one of the most effective ways overcome yourself, overcome subconscious fears, psychological disorders, be healthy psychologically and morally - . We will help in any way difficult situation, please contact us.

Best regards, Stanislav

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Sometimes it seems to me that if people could hear the voice of intuition every moment, they would not make mistakes. What is perceived as a mistake is simply a misunderstanding of the laws of nature, when what actually happens does not coincide with ideal ideas about how the world should be.

The sages say - a fool blames others, a smart person blames himself, a sage does not blame anyone.

So, champions, draw your conclusions.

1. To firmly take the path of success, you need to stop blaming others for your own problems, failures, and emotional swings. In principle, there is absolutely no need to blame yourself. You can't blame a child for holding a pencil incorrectly. Gradually he will learn and will draw or write beautifully. You also cannot know absolutely everything, calculate all the possibilities in advance.

2. I’ll tell you one secret. Do you know who can tell you the right answer? Your intuition! This is a tuning fork tuned to the voice of the Universe. This is the compass of your life. If you learn to trust her, then many problems will simply disappear by themselves. For example, as a child you were taught to behave in a certain way. You've been told that good girl boys do this and that's why they succeed. But your life experience shows you the opposite. What you were presented with as a means of achieving success is actually nothing. It's time to start doing what you feel and what you think is right. Constantly, always. Every day, every hour, every minute!

3. Don’t give up if you feel hard, sad or in pain. Most often the darkest night is before dawn. If at the moment of difficulties you do not stop believing your inner voice and follow your inner truth, then when you get out of a difficult situation, you will be surprised how many of your problems were resolved “by themselves.” In fact, everything is explained very simply. Part of your unconscious is “sharpened” by old ideas, and when you follow your intuition, you can find yourself in a situation that is internally difficult. In fact, heaviness arises because new paths and fresh energy in your life are literally “cutting” their way through outdated stereotypes.

4. Another trap. When you stop blaming others, out of the habit of blaming someone else, you can bring accusations down on yourself. Remember at this moment the baby clumsily holding a pencil. The meaning of life is in life itself. And goals are milestones, stages, what makes life richer, more interesting, gives life spice and dynamism. If you haven’t learned something yet, as evidenced by dismal results, it’s time to start training your skills!

Because they don’t want to be responsible for their own lives. Let's highlight the main points of the huge problem in your life, the desire to blame others.

A Question of Choice

A normal reaction to any trouble is the desire to blame someone else. The choice of further course of behavior - to get hung up or to survive - depends on life experience and control of the situation before and after the incident. Sometimes, heartache so strong that blaming others becomes a lifelong habit.

Accused

The list of those “blamed” for the troubles of one’s entire life often includes:

1. parents. Because they were brought up wrong and their lives were distorted;
2. sexual partner, former or current. The reasons for the accusation are different: restriction of freedom of action and movement to please a partner and to the detriment of oneself, causing mental and physical pain, etc.;
3. society and social institutions.

There was no money

You can’t make a career with an expensive education and therefore, unlike a slacker with a rich dad, or your health in a low-paid job is undermined and doctors don’t treat you, but finish you off, etc.

Under the weight of guilt

Blaming others for your troubles gives relief and peace of mind, but... not for long. Soon after the “discharge” a feeling of powerlessness will appear, but why does it appear? Behind the desire to blame others there is always a deep hidden psychological problem, suppressed feelings and emotions.

Vicious circle

It is more convenient and habitual for the psyche to look for someone to blame on the side, convincing itself that this is the only possible choice. A person can break out of a vicious circle, but does not want to, not understanding that he is in a “circle”.

Role Model

We are talking not only about relatives and friends, but also about the “stars” of show business. When your idol blames other people for his troubles and refuses to take responsibility, you inevitably adopt his behavior, considering it normal for him, and therefore for yourself. Naturally, this happens unconsciously.

Your own magnet

Feeling powerless and not in control of the situation, a person subconsciously reaches out to situations that strengthen his position of “eternal victim.” This phenomenon is called a “self-fulfilling prophecy”; many people who like to blame others for their troubles suffer from it. “I told you so!” - exclaims the “victim”. Of course, she said, she wanted and strived with all her soul to express the suppressed anger behind the desire to blame another person.

Believing that blaming others is the only correct tactic, you only make things worse for yourself. To make changes for the better in your life, become a person who takes full responsibility for your life.

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Why do some people, instead of confidently moving towards their goals, selflessly serve a memorial service for unfulfilled dreams for years? And they blame whoever is convenient for their failures, but themselves? And most importantly, how not to shift responsibility for your mistakes onto the shoulders of others, but to become the author of your life? The portal asked about this psychologist Ekaterina Kulbitskaya.

Dream. Believe. Take action

Each person receives from life only what is consistent with his expectations and beliefs. For example, if you, having been born in a dormitory, think that you deserve to live in a house on the seashore, then it is quite likely that it will be so. Of course, provided that you do not sit idly by - in order to get what you want, fruitless dreams, alas, are not enough.

But if you don’t even dare to think about improving your living conditions, then you’re unlikely to become the owner of a luxurious mansion. Live wherever you have to, just don’t moan that the villainous fate is unkind to you.

How they renounce the role of creator of their life

The roots of resentment towards the whole world are in childhood. While the child is small and helpless, the parents are completely responsible for him. And this is understandable and justified: little man not yet able to distinguish between good and evil, their own mistakes and those of others, the areas of their responsibility and the responsibility of others. He also trusts adults recklessly. And therefore, if parents constantly pour into the child’s ears that others are to blame for all his troubles, then he will grow up with this conviction.

How does the “I am a helpless victim” position develop? Let's consider typical situations. The baby hit the chair painfully. The mother, instead of explaining that you need to be attentive, and then such troubles will not happen, begins to scold the chair. The child concludes: yeah, this stool is bad, and I have nothing to do with it. Further - more. The child is already a schoolboy - he received a crappy mark and was upset. Parents should encourage their child to think about what his contribution to this unfortunate event is! But no, adults put another person in charge: “Oh, that bad teacher! How dare she upset our little angel!” The careless schoolboy breathes a sigh of relief: it turns out that I am not to blame for anything.

Because of such parental interpretations, the child develops an unshakable confidence that those around him are obliged to be prudent, attentive and friendly with him. But bribes from him are smooth - he has the right to be whatever he wants.

“Why change yourself and negotiate with others if absolutely nothing depends on me?” – says a person with learned helplessness syndrome. And up to a certain point, he enjoys his state of victim - namely, until he notices that others are more successful, that they succeed in their plans, that they manage their lives, but he does not.

How to get the copyright back on your life

The realization that your life is controlled by others can be very bitter. But this discovery can push a person with victim syndrome to change his life position and philosophy. And in order to take the first step, it is important to realize: psychologically, an adult does not expect that his dream come true will be presented to him on a silver platter, but he stubbornly moves towards his goal.

I will not reassure you that an easy and pleasant road awaits you. No, there will be plenty of obstacles and difficulties. But only after walking along your thorny path will you, looking back, be able to rightfully say: “I did/did everything that was in my power.” And this is very valuable.

So, what should a person do who has decided to follow his own path and receive the benefits he deserves?

• Start acting in your own best interests.
• Don't give up at the first failure. Remember: only those who do nothing make no mistakes. And in general, treat your failures as invaluable experience - learn to benefit from them.
• Find the courage to dream boldly.
• Think of life as a game in which every wrong move can be covered by a successful one - if you show a little ingenuity and use your intuition.
• Keep in mind that people who have taken responsibility for their lives do not know how to be angry with others.
• And most importantly, under no circumstances forget: no one will ever be as interested in your success as you are. And that's okay. Everyone lives my life goes to his goals.

Interviewed by Irina Bareyko