How to properly respond to insults. Don't make yourself a victim

Helpful Hints

No one wants to just put up with the rudeness and rudeness that you can hear in public transport, at work, online, and just on the street.

No need to play the role of a victim, but learn to respond correctly to aggression towards you.

Obviously, for most people, rudeness towards them can negatively affect well-being, self-esteem and performance.

How to respond to rudeness

To be able to respond to rudeness, you first need to work on increasing self-esteem.

It is worth noting that it is not easy to be rude to a person with a strong spirit.

And yet, if you urgently need to learn how to communicate with a boor, you can use one or more methods of struggle.

responses to rudeness

calmness

When talking with such people, you should never show them that you are confused. Try to express your point of view frankly, firmly and openly.

Try not to get defensive and speak calmly and relaxed.

Most often, rude people are weak, envious people who find it difficult to get used to honesty and calmness, and sometimes they don’t know these words at all. They take energy for their negativity precisely from those people who succumb to rudeness and begin to get nervous. Don't let them feed on your nervousness.

sneezing

This method is more suitable as a reaction to prolonged rudeness.

If the person who is rude to you cannot stop, you may well help him to do this.

To begin with, try to listen to him calmly, until he himself is convinced that he is right. After that, sneeze loudly and defiantly - there will be a short pause in which you calmly say the phrase: "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit" and politely add: "So where did you end up?"

Aikido

Simply put: you to me, I to you. This method transfers the negativity of your interlocutor to him. You just need to agree with his attacks on you, thank you for the time and effort spent to emphasize your shortcomings.

You can even praise the interlocutor for attentiveness and those "advice" that you heard. Do it calmly and try not to show the causticity of your phrases.

It is worth noting that the more witnesses to the conflict will be, the better for you, because. a rude person is unlikely to receive the necessary approval from the outside, and most likely will cause laughter and jokes in his address.

boredom

A similar method can be used by administrators of forums, sites, blogs and groups in social networks. networks.

Despite the fact that most community members are familiar with the general rules, some still deliberately violate them, after which they express dissatisfaction in the administrators' personal messages due to the fact that they were denied access.

After all the arguments are over, these characters move on to outright rudeness and rudeness.

It's easiest to just ban, but if you want to prove you're right, try not to be emotional, describe in detail all the errors of the offender. At first, the interlocutor will resist and continue to "have fun" with rudeness, but when he realizes that they are communicating with him dryly, without emotions, he will simply fall behind.

Ignoring

Perhaps the most famous and simplest method of dealing with rudeness. Sometimes silence is not only effective and safe, but also beautiful.

If you don’t need anything from a rude person, or you are simply not psychologically ready to enter into a debate with him, or if the “interlocutor” is simply out of his mind and can harm your health, just ignore him. Rude people want to win your attention, do not give them this joy.

It is worth noting that it is also necessary to ignore correctly. No need to include an offensive look and sighs- These are signals that you paid attention to him. Do not show any emotions, a boor is an empty place for you.

How beautiful to respond to rudeness

There are several phrases that can be used when "skirmish" with a rude:

"Excuse me, is that all?"

"I had a better opinion of you"

"Rudeness doesn't suit you"

"Do you want a polite answer or the truth?"

"Why are you trying to look worse than you really are?"

"Like everyone else, I also have bad days. Don't be upset, you will succeed"

"Yes, of course, come in. May luck be on your side" (in case someone climbs out of line)

"It doesn't sound like the role is right for you. What do you really want?"

"Thank you for showing interest in my person"

"You want to hurt me? For what?"

How to respond to an insult

If you are accidentally or intentionally scolded, you should not take these words literally and take everything personally.

Understand that if the person who insulted you is in a bad mood or just not well educated, this does not mean that you are to blame.

In order to be able to respond correctly to insults, you must first of all know that the person who offends you in all possible ways is himself a victim, namely the victim of the obstinacy of his character.

Most often, those who "attack" and try to humiliate others are weak personalities who are simply not able to cope with negative emotions, which makes them splash out on others.

What to do in response to an insult

If insulted by a stranger

The best option is to ignore it. Just try not to notice the one who is trying to offend you. Of course, there are times when you need to act differently, but most often you need to act as if the stranger is not there, and his words are empty words.

If offended by a loved one

From the very beginning, try to dot the "I". You should calmly and directly tell him that the words spoken hurt you. The right step would be to discuss the situation.

If offended by a work colleague/boss

Under this set of circumstances, try to carefully avoid the conflict. If a colleague relentlessly insults and silence you does not help, try to answer with a neutral barb.

In the case of the boss, conflicts are not needed, which means that you do not respond to insults. Instead, imagine your manager as a naughty and pugnacious little child.

In your head, pat him on the head, feed him porridge and help him sit on the potty. This is the way psychologists recommend. You will not only endure insults, but also get a good mood, or at least it will cause a smile on your part and increase your efficiency. In addition, the boss may also pay attention to your stamina.

How to respond to an insult

The person who is trying to insult you wants to assert himself, stand out, which means you need to give him a cold answer, "Well, did you assert yourself at my expense?".

Listening to such a person, try to understand what the goal is, why they want to offend you.

* If you do not know how to respond to an insult, then you need to know one important thing - not wellit is necessary to reach mutual insults and rash reactions.

In addition to looking silly, you are also susceptible to manipulation, which can end up being a trap for you. You don't have to play by the rules that are imposed on you.

*Another main rule - respond to rudeness calmly without losing self-respect. But, it is worth noting that the cultural response to the "attack" of the boor most often does not produce any effect, because. The game takes place on someone else's territory and not by your rules.

* When it comes to trolling, or other similar situations, it is best to ignore the offender.

* It happens that you need to answer, but you obviously know that all your arguments simply will not work against a stubborn rude. In this case, the best option would be turn around and leave.

* The person who insulted you or is trying to do so may just have a bad day. Therefore, with you enough to ask: "Bad day?" . If a person is adequate, he will agree and may even ask for forgiveness.

But, when it comes to a troll, then such a question is not only inappropriate, but can also lead to additional insults against you.

* More often than not, responding to an insult is not a good strategy, and you can get away with it by simply asking the person in a neutral way about what they just said to you. Try to pretend that you did not hear his words or did not pay attention to them. In this case, only a frank boor will continue his "attacks".

* If you find yourself in a situation where it is simply necessary to answer the offender, or you are strangled by the desire to do so, do not rush at him. The main thing is to be calm, cold in words and expressions. It is desirable to suppress insults with witty remarks and only after the interlocutor has finished his monologue.

* Sometimes an insult is more like a mockery. In this case, perhaps the best option would be to answer in the form of a joke, which not only does not offend the person, but also maintains a normal relationship.

One of the common mistakes that people make is trying to justify themselves, they say, "no, you're wrong, it's not my fault". Firstly, such a strategy can make you humiliated, and secondly, trying to justify yourself is simply pointless, because. an excuse, as a rule, no one listens.

uncomfortable questions

"How much?", "When will you get married?", "What is your salary?"- these questions are annoying, and despite the fact that asking them is a bad form, some still cannot restrain themselves.

Several situations can be considered, but first we note a few universal answers.

How to original answer

- "I'm amazed at your ability to ask questions that can lead to a dead end!"

- "You are an amazing woman (man). I was always amazed by your ability to ask uncomfortable (correct, difficult, rhetorical) questions!"

- "I'll be happy to try to answer your question, just answer you first, why are you so interested in this?"

- "And for what purpose are you interested in this?"

"Do you really want to talk about it?" If the answer is yes, then simply answer: "And I'm not very" - and end the dialogue with a smile.

If a person is not very pleasant to you, and you have no desire to communicate with him, especially after an incorrect question, you can coldly answer: "That's my fucking business."

- Ask again: "I understand correctly that ..."

Questions about money

When you are faced with an unpleasant question, you have every right not to give the interlocutor any specific answer. For example, to the question "How much do you earn?" you can evade the answer "Like most, the average salary in the industry is (significantly less than Abramovich)."

You can also answer this question with a counter question. For example, to the question "How much is the jacket?" you can ask the interlocutor how much his jacket costs. Another way to answer this question is significantly overestimate or underestimate the figure and then turn the conversation into a joke.

Questions about work

"What do you do?", "What do you do at work?".

When answering questions like this, psychologists advise you to name the profession that can give you more confidence in what you are doing. If your work is different, you are doing a lot of different things, you can sort out all the work for the month on the shelves. This way you will know what takes the most time.

Questions about personal life

"Why is there no girl (boyfriend)?", "When is the wedding?", "Why haven't you got married yet?".

Do not take such matters seriously. In response, you can ask the interlocutor why such an unusual question came to his mind. In this case, the interlocutor will be in an awkward situation.

There is another option - just answer directly as it is. For example, to the question "Why one more (one)?" proudly admit that you are patiently looking for your soul mate, who would not leave you in difficult times.

The third option would be "mirroring". For example, "Do I understand correctly that you don't mind holding a candle over my bed?" , or "... that, today, your main task is to discuss my personal life?" , or "... that interest in other people's troubles is in the order of things for you?"

How to respond to rudeness

Hams can be found everywhere. These are people who often experience pressure on themselves, which leads to rudeness as a defense weapon.

Why are they rude

Reason 1: Despair

A person has a bad day - so he is rude. For example, a saleswoman who is tired for the whole working day, a client, a colleague, brought to stress.

Most often, such people, after throwing out all the anger on someone, feel guilty about themselves and may even apologize.

If you decide in such a situation to respond with the same weapon, then the feeling of guilt will go away and the person will think that being rude is normal.

Reason 2: Self-affirmation

When a boor humiliates another person, he feels superior to him, especially if this person, for one reason or another, cannot fight back the offender.

Usually such boors have, albeit not great, but still power. They believe that they can just take out their anger on those who depend on them and get away with it with impunity.

Reason 3: Wanting to be seen

If rudeness is an integral part of a person, then its roots can be hidden in childhood.

A child always wants attention and love from his parents. If he does not receive this, then he begins to be rude, so that at least somehow they pay attention to him. With age, a person uses the same strategy.

Responses to rudeness

Method 1: You don't have to take everything you say personally.

Often a person who is rude does not do it specifically to you - rather, it is anger at the world in general: ill-mannered youth, men are goats, etc. and only the rude man himself is white and fluffy.

One can only sympathize with such a boor, because. the world he lives in is not easy to live in. Remember, each person sees the world differently. If a boor says that you are an uneducated person, you can try to refute his statement with your knowledge, but this is unlikely to succeed.

Method 2: Ham should not become the master of the situation

Try not to give the boor power over the situation so that they do not feel stronger.

If your boss is rude to you, and it is impossible to get away from this, think about the fact that you are not chained to him for life. You are not a slave, you are only doing your job professionally, i.e. you help him to carry out the work, which means that you can call yourself a partner in a certain business. You can demand more respect for yourself, because. you have every right to do so.

Method 3: Remember your rights

When you are rude in a public place, then you need to fight not with the offenders, but with their superiors.

Find out the name, surname, position and contacts. You can ask for a book of complaints, if there is one. If this does not help, try contacting a consumer protection society or a lawyer.

Use your weapons - human rights and leverage. This method is suitable if the boor is an official, manager, waiter, security guard and other representatives of large organizations

Method 4: turn on your imagination

Try to imagine an offender behind a glass wall: you see him, you notice that he is saying something, but you simply do not hear.

You can also imagine a boor in the form of a big fish in an aquarium: it seems that he moves his lips, moves his fins, but it is not clear why all this is.

If you watched the movie "The Matrix", then remember the moment when Neo stopped the bullets fired at him. Imagine that the rudeness thrown at you is bullets, and you are invulnerable, and all the rudeness does not reach you, falling with a ringing on the floor.

Method 5: Try to contact the boor

Try to find out the reason for the aggression. For example, you can say: "Now you are rude to me, why do you need this?" or "You have a smile on your face and you say mean things, so I haven't figured out how to respond to your words yet."

Perhaps the person who heard you will consider his actions, look at himself from the outside and rethink his behavior. You can use this method when communicating with people with whom you will have to meet and talk more than once - work colleagues, acquaintances, relatives.

There is a chance that a person will look at himself from the outside and rethink something in his behavior.

How beautiful to respond to rudeness

Rudeness can be well treated with politeness, which scares boors, forcing them to be careful when communicating:

- "You see, dear, I do not intend (a) to communicate with you in such a tone"

- "Dear, you may have confused me with someone"

If the boor cannot stop in any way, after all your attempts, then save your nerves, wish him all the best and leave the place of conversation.

Sometimes a boor needs to be put in place, otherwise you will make them stronger with your silence. A good answer can close the mouth of a boor. But remember, to be rude to rudeness does not put you higher.

Try to use humor. If you are being rude, smile and say "Well, you and blockhead (fool, idiot)!" Such an act can anger the boor even more, whose reaction will make you laugh.

Smiling back often irritates a boor, so smile sincerely.

- "You deign to be rude to me ... Why? Is your goal to offend me? Why?"

Answer so that your word is the last and then the rudeness will stop.

Pay no attention to the boor. Imagine a scenario in your head: "You are a leaf by the road ... Everything passes by and nothing hurts you" .

From time to time, everyone encounters rudeness. It can happen on the street, in the office. Often, we hear insults in public transport and communicating online. In order not to become a victim of a boor, and not to be led to his provocation, you need to properly fight back and worthy answers. This article is dedicated to just that. After reviewing the information offered in it, you will learn how to respond to an insult.

It is not necessary to answer insulting phrases with silence and fists. It is better, while remaining calm, to make a politely reciprocal “compliment”.

Life situations are different. And if you do not learn how to properly respond to them, you can waste your nerves. And, worse, even become the culprit of a provocative conflict. Therefore, below we suggest that you familiarize yourself with how to behave if you have been insulted. And also, how to correctly respond to the offender.

Insulting a person can lead to a dead end. In such situations, it is difficult to figure out how to react. To save your nerves, it is useful to know the following recommendations:

Controlling emotions and learning to fight back

Initially, try to surround yourself with positive people. Associate with sincere and cheerful people. That way you can definitely avoid insults. However, if such a situation arose, be able to competently protect yourself and adequately respond. The advice of a psychologist will come to the rescue.

It is worth thinking about your self-esteem. By increasing its level, it will be possible to quickly and easily give an answer to an insult to a boor. In addition, a person with a strong spirit and self-confidence is much less likely to be rude.

Responses to provocation

If you had to communicate with a negative person, you should not show him your feelings. Express your point of view with confidence and firmness. Speak relaxed. Often, provocative and touchy phrases are spoken by weak people. Their “strength” is your weakness. Remain calm and don't get defensive.

In situations where, when talking with the offender, you feel that patience is coming to an end, sneeze. As strange as it may sound, this method works. It is considered relevant when insults from the lips of a boor “flow” in an endless stream. After waiting for the right moment, sneeze loudly. This will create a long pause. You can use it by turning the situation in your direction. So, for example, after a sneeze, offer the offender the following answer: "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit".

This method will help in situations where a skirmish occurs in a society of people you know, employees. It consists in redirecting negativity and aggression to the rude person himself. It is enough for you to agree with the offender and praise him for spending his precious time criticizing you. Learn how to respond appropriately in situations like this. Correctly form a phrase to hide causticity.

This way to beautifully respond to rudeness is used by netizens. Basically, administrators and moderators of virtual communities. The rules written by the management of sites and forums are ignored by some. This usually happens when any disputes arise against the background of the participant's stay in the community. For example, if he is denied access for a violation, in response a person may turn to rudeness. The easiest argument is to “ban” a character. If you need to point out his mistakes, proving your case, describe them dryly and without emotion. Reading such a text (list), a person will cool down.

Ignore the interlocutor. This method of dealing with rudeness and insults is the most common.

It allows you to give a worthy offender answer. Using this technique, you can respond beautifully and safely get rid of the rude. Although silence is not always effective. It is necessary to look at the situation. It may be necessary to "turn on" complete indifference in response to the interlocutor's attempts to win attention and piss you off. Treat it like it's empty space.

How to avoid conflicts when communicating online?

Regarding communication in the network, in general, you can adhere to the previously given options for responses. But there are features on how to respond to an insult on the network.

Original options that allow you to repulse the enemy

Non-standard situations often arise when only witty responses to insults can put the offender into a stupor. For such cases, here is a list of what the answer might be:

“I don’t know what you eat, but it works. Your intelligence is slowly but surely going to zero.
"To impress me, you will finally have to say something smart"
“Your teeth reminded me of the stars: they are the same yellow and are so far from each other ...”
"Just because you look terrible doesn't give you the right to act the same."
“Are you really like this or is this your image?”
“Were you the same as a child or prettier?”
"You're so clever! Does your skull hurt by any chance?”

These and other witty answers will help to beautifully and tactfully remove the enemy from the "battlefield".

And if a skirmish took place in front of colleagues, your reputation is guaranteed not to suffer. Unlike the person who threw an insult at your account.

No one can give an exact answer on how to correctly respond to an insult. Life situations are different. Therefore, first analyze what happened in order to give the offender a fitting rebuff.

On a beautiful summer day, my friend and I decided to go to the beach. The weather is wonderful, the mood is excellent, the bus is air-conditioned. And then some passenger, passing by us, throws a rude phrase that it is not at all necessary to stand on the aisle, they blocked, they say, the passage of the pigalis. Light shock was replaced by a spoiled mood. Thank God, it quickly passed, but the case made me think: how to respond to rudeness and rudeness, and at the same time not spoil the mood of my beloved?

Transport, work, random passers-by can become a source of rudeness or outright rudeness that will unsettle you for a long time. Therefore, we studied the advice of psychologists and this is what we found out.

Why are people being rude?

Psychologists are sure that with the help of rudeness, stubbornness, rudeness, a person tries to make others respect him. So you can significantly raise the status, show strength, the rude man is sure. In fact, it is evidence of human weakness. A rude person does not have enough patience, dignity, confidence to win favor in other ways.

back to contents

If you are rude and insulted

Is it even worth responding to rudeness at all? Imagine the situation: in the forest you met a stump, which for some reason you wanted to kick. And this is done by everyone who is not too lazy (and not too lazy for many, as most people admitted). Further development of events depends on the stump itself: if it is rotten and partially falls apart, the next desire of the kicker will be the final destruction of the stump. After all, no one needs it: you can’t sit on it, it’s not good for firewood. And if the stump is still hard? You could even hurt your leg! Now imagine that the stump is you (sorry for the unflattering comparison), and the one who kicks it is your offender.

If people react violently to taunts and insults, a rude person, by all means, wants to break these people like a rotten stump. If the victim remains calm, you will not want to pester him next time. Such reactions can be observed especially clearly in children. Therefore, if you do not react to rudeness, as the offender wants, he will leave you alone very soon.

back to contents

Sometimes you still need to react to rudeness

Sometimes we are unsettled by tactless questions or statements from people we know and strangers. Why aren't you married yet? And how old are you? Oh, are you well again? This is real rudeness, but often the person asking such questions does not understand it himself. How to respond to such attacks?

The best way is to answer a question with a question. You may ask: "Why are you interested in this?". Or: “Why do you need to know such details from my personal life?”. And then say: “Sorry, but I don’t want to answer.” It turns out both directly and politely.

back to contents

How to respond to rudeness

In order to properly respond to rudeness and rudeness, psychologists recommend mastering the techniques of assertive behavior. It sounds scientifically incomprehensible, but in fact, mastering this technique is not difficult. You will not let your emotions take over and you will calmly respond to unkind attacks. To do this, you need to say out loud the shortcomings that you are accused of. This is very effective because it does not meet the expectations of the offender, who thought to hear an angry reaction and is already internally ready for a small or big battle. But he hears: “Yes, it’s my fault, I moved the documents to another place, but I forgot to warn you.” After that, a pause will hang, since the person accusing you will not immediately answer this (he was preparing for completely different events). And if he, when the stupor passes, continues to accuse you again, agree with his opinion, and he will again have no trump cards left - you agree with him, it is simply useless to continue being rude. If the offender finds the strength to continue a one-sided dispute, he will look, to put it mildly, unattractive in the eyes of the team. You will be looked upon as a victim of unfair treatment, even if you are really at fault.

back to contents

What to do in response to the rudeness of strangers?

Do not confuse rudeness and criticism. If criticism, even if harsh, is always aimed at some result, then rudeness is one of the types of unjustified aggression that is directed at a specific person or group of people. When you are rude, it is, of course, unpleasant, but it is possible and necessary to learn how to respond without losing self-esteem.

not to notice

The best thing to do is to ignore the boor. If you pretend you didn't hear him and act like it doesn't concern you, he will lose interest in you and look for another object to direct his aggression towards. After all, boors are waiting for a response. And the more emotional it is, the more actively you will be rude.

You don't have to show your resentment. In the end, this is exactly what the boor was trying to achieve. Why please him? Say that his words are unpleasant to you, but nothing more.

regret

If you can’t leave barbs and insults unnoticed, take pity on the offender. After all, if he does so, he is inadequate. He has some problems. This man is really unhappy. He is unloved, unkind, unheeded by his parents, and perhaps by his chosen ones. So he tries to compensate for everything with rudeness, which he considers a defensive reaction. If you treat him like a wretch, his plans for you will change dramatically. The main thing is that your reaction does not serve as an excuse for the offender.

Upload philosophy or respond with a joke

If you are rude, you can answer with a complex clever phrase. Ask the offender some smart question directly, preferably even if it is rhetorical. It is unlikely that a rude person will understand what exactly they want from him, but he will definitely stop. For example: “Confucius said that good should be repaid with good, and evil with justice. Do you think the great Confucius was right?

Responding to rudeness with a subtle joke is aerobatics. But if jokes don’t come to mind, make a sympathetically cheerful facial expression on which the rude person will read the words “well, you are a fool!” Or answer like this: “Do you want to be rude, my friend? What for? Do you want to offend me? And why do you need it?

Ignore

Rudeness in our world, unfortunately, is so much that the best way to respond to it is to show indifference. If you avoid rude people, life will be much easier for you. You can learn not to react to others using the following meditation: “I am a leaf on the side of the road. Everyone passes by, no one notices me. Repeat this phrase to yourself if you have become the object of attention of a boor.

Reply with rudeness for rudeness

"An eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth"? We deliberately put this method at the end, since it has a significant drawback, although reacting to rudeness in this way is the first thing that usually comes to mind. If you put a rude man in his place, answering him in the same way, you sink to his level, do not maintain self-esteem. Repaying rudeness with rudeness is a short cut to being known as a boor yourself.

So, rudeness begins when you are ready to endure it. If you are not going to do it, you will not be rude, whether you hear it or not. Free people do not tolerate rudeness. If you hear humiliating statements in relation to your people or country, if you were poorly served in a cafe, if you hear impudent lies addressed to you, do not tolerate such an attitude. This does not mean that you have to respond with rudeness to rudeness, we have considered a lot of other ways. After all, you are a free man. And only people with a slavish perception of reality suffer. But there is one case when you do not need to respond to rudeness at all. This is rudeness on the Internet.

back to contents

How to respond to rudeness on the Internet

Here we regularly encounter negative comments, aggressive attacks that are in the nature of text messages. Many people get very upset about this. There was a time when I myself went to the forum 20 times a day to check if my offender had left me new public messages, and in between visits, I scrolled in my head what I would write in response to her next attack.

In fact, being upset is completely ridiculous, since these emotions are directed into the void. Understand and accept that these people are completely unhealthy, as evidenced by the excess of aggression that they splash out on the Internet. How do we treat sick people? That's right, we pity them.

Therefore, you should not react to rudeness on the Internet. After all, such people need your attention, they strive to attract it to themselves. And when we give attention to something, we give our own energy. By squabbling with these people, you are giving them what they need. With your answers, you reinforce them, support an aggressive reaction. So that they stop throwing out aggression on Web users, behave with them in the same way as it is customary for young children when they are hooligans. Ignore completely - this is the best tactic. Moreover, it is generally unknown who, and it is unknown where, and personally has nothing to do with you. Another thing is if you have a squabble on the Web with a loved one. Here it is better to meet eye to eye and discuss the problems that have arisen.

There are people who in real life constantly suppress aggression in themselves, but from time to time splash it out on the Internet. The reason is clear, because the World Wide Web is an anonymous medium. But these are the personal problems of those people who have nothing to do with you. Therefore, take care of your energy, it will be useful to you for more important things.

Ecology of life. Psychology: Defending yourself against insults, it's easy to get caught up in a vicious circle of punches and counter-punches. However, there are ways...

Offensive words lie in wait for us daily - often when we are least ready for it:

on the road during rush hours, when people show their worst qualities;
in lines when we run out of patience;
at work and at the festive table, where people consider rudeness almost permissible.

Critical attacks are so varied that they defy classification. Here are “light”, everyday injections (“well, finally!”), And such when it gets dark in the eyes from resentment (“I see that you are busy doing what you do best - you are eating again”).

Sometimes words just betray insensitivity. Gathering his courage, the son told his mother that his wife had left him, and in response he heard: “She was going for a long time.”

It is believed that in the family we can hide from the world. In fact, relatives say things to each other that they would never say to an outsider, often adding in justification: “You know, I say this because I love you.”

One woman recalls how one day, when she was 12 years old, she was standing in front of a mirror and her mother suddenly said: “Don't worry, dear. If the nose still grows, it will be possible to do the operation.” Until that day, the girl had no idea that she did not have a perfect nose.

Particularly "good" are the veiled insults, which are called "constructive criticism", although they have nothing to do with it. They are easily recognizable by their accompanying phrases such as "I hope I can speak frankly with you" or "I'm telling you this for your own good". It turns out that you should almost admire the open-heartedness of the critic and appreciate his concern, while you are hardly recovering from the blow.

When defending against insults, it's easy to get caught up in a vicious circle of punches and counterstrikes. Fortunately, there are ways to repel the attack of the offender without dropping your own dignity.

The next time you're the target of criticism, try these tips.

1. Try to understand

The one who criticizes others is often filled with resentment himself. If you can't figure out what the person who offended you is really worried about, ask them about it. Remember: resentment is not always meant for you personally. Look at the situation from the outside and look for the cause.

The waitress is rude to you not because she didn’t like you for some reason - just the day before her beloved left her. The driver, "cutting" you, does not want to annoy you - he is in a hurry to the sick child. Pass it forward, support it.

Trying to understand those whose words hurt you, you can more easily endure the offense.

2. Analyze what was said

In her book The Subtle Art of Verbal Self-Defence, Suzette Hayden Elgin suggests decompose the offending remark into parts and respond to the unspoken reproach without making yourself a victim. For example, if you hear “if you loved me, you would lose weight,” you can answer like this: “And how long ago did you decide that I don’t love you?”

3. Turn to face the offender

It is not easy to resist insults. Helps, in particular, directness. Remove the negative charge, for example, with such a question: “Do you need to offend me for some reason?” or “Do you understand how such words can be perceived?”

You can also ask the person to clarify the meaning of the remark: “What do you mean?” or “I want to check if I understood you correctly?” As soon as your critic feels that his game has been figured out, he will leave you alone. After all, when you were caught red-handed, it's very embarrassing.

4. Use humor

My friend somehow had to hear: “Is this your new skirt? In my opinion, chairs are upholstered with such fabric. She was not at a loss and answered: "Well, sit down on my knees."

The mother of my friend all her life zealously monitored the cleanliness of the house. One day she found a cobweb in her daughter and asked: “What is this?” "I'm doing a scientific experiment," retorted the daughter. The best weapon against offensive criticism is laughter. A witty response will help you deal with almost any offender.

5. Come up with a symbol

One woman told me that her husband always criticized her in public. Then she began to carry a small towel with her and whenever her husband said something offensive to her, she covered her head with a towel. He was so ashamed that he got rid of his bad habit.

6. Don't mind

Agree with everything. If your wife says, "I think you've put on ten pounds, dear," answer, "Twelve, to be exact." If she doesn’t back down: “Well, what are you going to do with the extra weight?” - try this: “Nothing, probably. I'll just be fat for a while." A hurtful remark is only as powerful as you empower it. By agreeing with criticism, you disarm the critic.

7. Ignore the injection

Listen to the remark, tell yourself that it is in the wrong place, and forget it. The ability to forgive is one of the most important abilities that help us live and that we can develop in ourselves.

If you are not quite ready to forgive yet, let the speaker know that his remark was heard, but there will be no answer. The next time you get taunted, wipe the imaginary stain off your shirt. When the person who hit you asks what you're doing, say, "I thought something hit me, but I must have been wrong."

When the abuser knows that you know too, he becomes much more careful. Or pretend like you're not interested. Blink, yawn, and look away as if to say, “Who cares?” People can't stand being considered boring.

8. Add 10 percent

You will never be able to completely protect yourself from offensive remarks. Try to perceive some of them as natural manifestations of irritation that happen to everyone.

Most of us try not to offend others, but sometimes we make mistakes. So get defensive when you think it's necessary, but think also of the "10 percent rule":

In 10 percent of cases, it turns out that the item you bought is cheaper elsewhere.
- in 10 percent of cases, the thing that you lent to someone is returned to you damaged.
- In 10 percent of cases, even your best friend can say something without thinking and then regret what was said.

In other words, grow thicker skin. It is usually easiest to assume that people are trying to do the best they can, and many simply do not realize how their behavior affects others.

Constantly defending, proving one's case and controlling the situation is too expensive. Try to forgive and in return you will get much less resentment and trouble than these notorious 10 percent.

Also interesting: Make friends with your fear: IT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU THINK

When a man insulted the Buddha, he said, "My son, if anyone refuses to accept a gift, to whom does it then belong?" “To the one who gives,” the man replied. “So,” continued the Buddha, “I refuse to accept your insulting words.

The world is full of people who humiliate others in order to assert themselves. Do not accept insults, even when they are showered upon you, as gifts of love. By ignoring them, you will relieve tension, strengthen your relationships with others, and make your life more joyful. published

Unfortunately, we are not always able to orient ourselves in time and respond correctly in situations where someone offends us. Subsequently, we are upset not only because of the very fact of other people's insults, but also because we failed to give a proper rebuff. In many cases, you can avoid these frustrations.

Many people make the mistake of clearly showing the interlocutor that his words hurt them in some way. Of course, when we are insulted, it is not easy to control ourselves and not show that we are offended and “touched to the quick”. And yet, if you do not cope with this task, then the opponent will understand that he managed to achieve the goal and offend you for real. No matter how difficult it is for you, try to make it clear to the person that his words do not bother you at all. The best way to help you with this is humor, which often helps you respond quickly in unforeseen situations.

If you stock up on a few witty phrases, then, for sure, later they will be able to help you out at the right time.

Examples of such remarks:

Your words don't surprise me at all. I would be surprised if you said something really smart.
And nature really has a great sense of humor, since she creates specimens like you!

How to respond to insults and aggression

How to behave when you are insulted

Situations can be different, so it is advisable to adjust your behavior in accordance with them.

For example, if you yourself offended a person, and you understand that all his insults are just hurt pride and an attempt to avenge the offense, then it is better to remain silent. Probably, the interlocutor is in agony, and with additional remarks you will aggravate the situation even more.
If they began to offend you undeservedly or even “for no reason at all”, then, probably, the opponent wants to “let off steam”, and it is quite possible that you just fell under a hot hand. Of course, in this situation you should not be a "punching bag" - put the offender in his place!
If you are offended by a person who is clearly in an inadequate state, then it is better not to have anything to do with him and not get involved in a dialogue. We are talking about a person in hysterics or under the influence of alcohol or drugs. You will not be able to prove anything to such an interlocutor, and it is even quite likely that with your answers (any!) You will provoke him to a new flow of aggression or even the use of physical force. It is better to avoid communicating with such people, even if you surpass them in physical parameters - you should not get involved in a skirmish that is unlikely to end in something good.

Undoubtedly, such a situation is offensive to any person, and sometimes we do not know how to respond to insults. There are times when it is better not to get involved in a conflict and simply ignore unpleasant remarks - for example, at the moment when they are spoken by a drunk or completely out of control person. Another thing is when the interlocutor approaches this consciously. So, with what sharp words can you answer the words of a rude man?

Your fantasy and mind are so primitive that these insults do not offend me at all.
It's amazing how easy it is for you to offend someone. Fate will do the same to you, you'll see.

In general, it is worth noting that most often boors specifically try to provoke us into any kind of reaction. Often we notice that someone else's rudeness can completely arise from a completely empty place, or the reason is so insignificant that an adequate person would not pay attention to it at all. Just boors can not deprive themselves of the opportunity to offend someone.

Most often, in such cases, we are advised to ignore the attacks of the ill-wisher, and such recommendations are instilled in us from childhood. And yet, such advice, as a rule, has practically no effectiveness - in practice, it often turns out that a person who has escaped punishment for his sabotage becomes even more impudent. If the boor is constantly ignored, then subsequently he is affirmed in the thought that everything is permitted to him. Therefore, it is important to remember that in no case should we disregard the insults that sellers, administrators, cashiers and other random interlocutors “gift” us during their working hours. The most adequate reaction to such behavior is an appeal to the authorities, whose task is to competently select personnel.

How to adequately respond to rudeness and rudeness

You can very well get out of this situation elegantly if you calmly agree with the boor. This technique has a particularly disarming effect on some people. So, if someone is trying to insult your mental abilities or "ride" in appearance, then half agree with these words, and then thank your opponent for taking the time to find your shortcomings. This method has a very high efficiency when there are spectators present during its implementation. You will not offend the boor in response, but at the same time put him in an awkward position.

Many people are distinguished by increased suspiciousness, and if such an instance met on your way, then, of course, you can scare him with the inevitable retribution “from above”. After the phrases below, the offender will remember the dialogue with you for a long time.

There is no desire to respond to these insults. However, the day will come when you will understand that all misfortunes have been acquired by you, starting from this day.
It has already happened that we pay for everything in this life. Remember this day to know why God is punishing you.
From now on, you are in for a lot of bad luck. I'm not scaring you, I just know about it.

How to intelligently send a person without a mat

If you do not want to swear in response to other people's unpleasant statements, but still think that you must fight back, then it is quite possible to answer intelligently, but still put the person in his place.

They say that a person usually hides his complexes and insolvency behind insults. Think about it.
It feels like an insult is the only way you can assert yourself.

How to shut up a person with one beautiful phrase

Sometimes there is no desire to enter into a verbal skirmish, and you want to shut up a person by uttering only one annihilating remark. There are many such phrases, and they act differently on everyone. Here's an example:

They say that when a person is not particularly brilliant with his mind, the only thing left for him is to stoop to insults.

When insulting the boss

In this case, unfortunately, we do not always have the opportunity to answer the way we want, therefore, it would be most reasonable to simply avoid the conflict. If we are talking not about the authorities, but about a colleague, then there is no need to escalate the situation either - try to answer neutrally.

This technique can also be useful at the moment when the boss offends you: at the time when the boss says unpleasant things to you, mentally imagine a small, capricious child in his place. In your imagination, soothe this baby, stroke him on the head, feed him milk porridge. So it will be much easier for you to listen to insults, and perhaps even your mood will not worsen at all. In addition, the boss, for sure, will be able to assess your stamina.

Buy an Elephant Method

Many people remember a joke from childhood, when the opponent was offered to “buy an elephant”, thereby infuriating him and almost driving him crazy. You can do the same. Answer each barb with the same bored tone: “So?”, “And then that?”, “Really?” and in the same vein. Undoubtedly, by the end of this monotonous conversation, the boor will experience a real decline in moral strength.

Improvisation

In a conversation with the offender, try to use the surprise effect, surprise and disarm him with this. For example, you can laugh out loud in response to unpleasant words, as if you heard the funniest joke. You can also sneeze, noting: "Sorry, I'm just allergic to people like you." In addition, you can smile good-naturedly, and curl: "Surely, your parents are ashamed of your upbringing." Try to improvise!

If you understand that the insults that sound at you are completely unfair, and you guess that your opponent also suspects this, then you should shame him. How can I do that? First of all, you can use certain phrases. If the person insulting you is conscientious enough, then such words will be able to penetrate him.

Never stoop to insults without understanding the situation properly. It doesn't suit you at all.
I hope that the day will come when you will be ashamed of everything you said.
It is strange that I had a much better opinion of you.
I hope you're just trying to look worse than you really are.

There is no doubt that the person trying to insult you simply wants to somehow assert himself or stand out. At the end of his monologue, you may well ask coldly: “Well, did you manage to assert yourself at my expense?”.

In general, when communicating with such a person, sincerely try to understand what his true goal is, what he wants to achieve with his own words. At these moments, it is not so important what exactly your opponent says to you, but why he does it.

If you cannot find an answer in a difficult situation, then at least try not to bring the matter to mutual insults and impulsive reactions. Do not play by the rules that they try to impose on you.

It is also important to learn how to calmly respond to any rudeness, without “losing face” and a sense of dignity. Although it's hard not to admit that cultural conversion rarely makes a strong impression on the boor.

When it comes to trolling or other provocative situations, the best thing you can do is ignore such a person.

The right response to insults

It happens that we want to answer, but you know in advance that any of your words simply will not have an effect on the offender. Of course, in this situation it is better not to waste words and energy, but simply cut off the dialogue abruptly.
It often happens that the person who “attacks” you does not really have anything against you personally - he just has a bad mood. In this case, it is enough to ask him the question: “Bad day?”. An adequate person will not argue with this, and it is even possible that he will apologize.
Often it is better not to lead to reciprocal insults. Try to avoid this situation by asking the interlocutor what he told you. Pretend you didn't hear his words. It is possible that the person has already regretted what was said. If the “attack” continues, then, apparently, you have a rare boor in front of you.
During some dialogues, we are simply strangled by the desire to pounce on the interlocutor. And yet, be that as it may, it is very important not to come to this - you will almost certainly regret it. Try to keep your mind calm. It will be ideal if you learn to parry with witty remarks, and not show that provocations hurt you in any way.
It is impossible not to mention one of the most common mistakes made by people who were forced to face insults. It's about excuses. Often, when we hear hurtful words, we try to prove to the opponent that he is unfair to us. With such tactics, you will undoubtedly find yourself in a position of humiliation.

Insulted by a stranger

If a person is drunk or clearly out of his mind, then you should still ignore his words - just try not to notice him. If we are talking about a stranger who did not like something about your behavior, then try to understand the situation, and then act "according to circumstances."

Offended by a loved one

It is important to immediately understand why the conflict situation occurred, and what provoked it. It is better to prevent the spread of further quarrel, and frankly tell a loved one that he offended you, and you are hurt by his words. Try not to hush up the conflict, but speak frankly, clarifying the matter.

It happens that at the moments when they try to offend us with their insults, we frantically begin to scroll through the possible answers in our thoughts. It becomes quite insulting if these efforts are in vain and a witty answer comes to our mind after the dialogue is completed. Everyone knows the expression that “after a fight they don’t wave their fists”, therefore it is advisable to respond to the interlocutor’s sharp remarks in a timely manner.

So, let's look at some similar phrases that can help us in a difficult conversation:

I don't want to interrupt you, but I have more important things to do. Are you done?
Do you answer politely or tell the truth?

Note that most often people who easily go to insult the interlocutor, as a rule, do not have high intelligence, so smart answers often drive them into a stupor. What options can be used?

Examples:

I don’t know what your usual diet is, but this menu is clearly not very balanced, and contains harmful carcinogens - they took up the destruction of your brain cells!
Scientists have not yet fully studied the intellectual abilities of primates. Maybe you could leave your contacts, my friend researcher will need them very much. By the way, do you want to take part in a scientific experiment?

And yet, if possible, try not to respond to insults in the spirit of the offender himself. Or at least don't become the instigator of the conflict! What kind of people tend to do this?

The face of a provocateur

A weak man who is really a coward, and sharp words are his only defense.
An energy vampire who tries to bring out the negative emotions of the interlocutor, thereby "feeding" himself.
Hams without education, who had to grow like "grass in the field."
Aggressors who find it difficult to live a day without participating in any scandal.
Unfavorable elements, like drug addicts and alcoholics, who find it difficult to control themselves.
Just stupid people.

When you understand that an adequate and reasonable person will find a way to convey his idea without obscenities and insults, then it will be much easier for you to respond to the antics of ordinary boors.