There is no more popular theme in television and film than love. Soap operas are full of "romantic love." This theme is also popular in songs. We are constantly haunted by the idea that love is the only thing that matters.

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Most people think about romantic love something like this: “Love is an incomprehensible obsession that comes out of nowhere and immediately takes over you completely, like measles. You will recognize it intuitively. If it is a real feeling, you will not have to wonder for long. You will see it, without a doubt "Love is so important that you must give up everything for the sake of it. It is excusable for a man to leave his wife for the sake of love, for a woman it is excusable to leave his house and children, for a king - it comes completely unexpectedly, and you cannot do anything about it."

But this is NOT true love! Real love is not like that.

Infatuation really comes out of the blue and you can't do anything about it. But true love is devoted and selfless love. This is what she is holding on to. You might be wondering why you need to know the difference between infatuation and love? The reason is this: knowing the differences will prevent you from making a huge mistake. Every year, millions of sparkling-eyed couples come to church and solemnly vow to love each other for the rest of their lives. For some of them, marriage truly becomes an invaluable acquisition. For others, he is simply tolerable. But for half of these couples, marriage becomes a real disaster. After a short period of time, they begin to understand that they absolutely cannot stand living together. What's the matter?

The difference is that some couples base their marriage on true love, while others base their marriage on infatuation, which is false love. Such marriages do not last long.

How can you tell the difference? During the Gold Rush, many prospectors thought they had "struck a vein." But later, to their great disappointment, they found out that their find was not real gold, but the worthless mineral pyrite. Pyrite is very similar in appearance to gold, but has no value. It is also called "fool's gold".

As we said before, it is NOT easy to tell the difference between infatuation and true love. In his book "Sex, love or infatuation - how to determine it?" Dr. Ray Short gives some key tips to help a person explore their feelings and determine whether they are true love gold or fool's gold - mere infatuation.

We'll look at 12 of these keys, but first let us point out the following: (1) The order of the keys does not matter. Each of them has the same meaning as the others. (2) These keys should not be selectively accepted. You have to take all 12 into account!

Key #1 What attracts you most.

Enthusiasm: When you're infatuated, you're more likely to be more interested in the other person's physical attributes. A beautiful face and a good figure are, of course, very attractive qualities, but appearances can be deceiving. It is like the wrapping paper in which a gift is wrapped. It cannot be used to judge what exactly is inside. Moreover, physical beauty is not eternal. Dr. Short says: "Of the dozen school meetings I attended as a young man, I remember only one. 'Young people!' - the speaker said solemnly. “Before you marry a girl because of her pretty face and attractive curves, think about what she will look like at 30.” And that stopped me” ?

True love: If your love is genuine, you will be interested in the personality of your chosen one as a whole. Surely, physical attraction will also be present in your feelings, but only along with many other qualities that are attractive to you.

Key #2 How many different qualities attract you to this person?

Enthusiasm: Usually the number of such qualities is small, but they can greatly influence you. A guy can go crazy with his girlfriend's smiles or sexy walk.

True love: When you truly love, you like all or most of the qualities in another person. Each of us has many characteristics, our own judgments and attitudes. How many characteristics do you notice in another, and how many of them do you find attractive? This is important because once the initial excitement of marriage wears off, you will need many common interests to keep the marriage going and make it successful.

Key #3 How did it start?

Enthusiasm: Infatuation arises quickly. There is no such thing as true love at first sight, but there can be infatuation at first sight. As one love song says, “the eyes of the lovers met in the crowd, lightning flashed, and they immediately realized that they were made for each other.” All they could really understand was that they had made a good first impression on each other.

True love: True love always comes slowly. It cannot be otherwise. You have to get to know a person before you can really love them, and that takes time, a lot of time, to really get to know someone. Long-term courtship is much better than short-term courtship. A year is better than six months, two years is better than one, three years is better than two, and four is better than three. Three years? Four? Yes, the statistics on this subject are absolutely clear. But most young couples do not want to wait even a year. They are in a hurry to get married and from their own experience they are convinced of the validity of the old saying: “If you rush, you will make people laugh.” If you get married too hastily, you will have plenty of time later to regret it.

Key #4 How consistent is your interest?

Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, your interest flares up and then fades away. One reason for this is that infatuation occurs too quickly and therefore the roots are not deep. And in general, your relationship is superficial.

True love: When you truly love, your feelings will be warm and tender rather than fluctuating from ardent passion to cold indifference, they will be more constant. True love grows slowly, but its roots run deep.

Key #5 How does feeling affect you?

Enthusiasm: Infatuation has a disorganizing effect on your personality. Makes you less responsible and efficient. Romantic feelings take over you completely, and you walk around, immersed in dreams. The girl who says, "I know he has flaws, but nothing matters except our love" is infatuated... TEMPORARILY! Once married, she will eventually discover that many other things still matter.

True love: When your love is genuine, your best qualities come out and you strive to become even better. A guy who really loves says about his girlfriend: “I love her not only because she is so beautiful, but also because she inspires me to show my best qualities.”

Key #6 How do you treat others?

Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, for you the whole “universe” revolves around one person. The rest of your relationships seem completely unimportant to you. You are even ready to reject family and friends. Your feeling becomes the most important thing in your life. It is the only thing that matters to you from now on. You think that for the sake of this amazing “love” that has entered your life, you can be forgiven for doing any actions. As we've said before, most hobbies don't last, but the mistakes you make while under the influence often have lifelong consequences.

True love: When you truly love, your beloved person is the most important person in the world to you, but relationships with family and friends do not lose their importance.

Key #7 How do others view your relationship?

Enthusiasm: What others think of your “lover” is a very important test. When you're in love, it's likely that your parents and many of your friends won't approve of the relationship. One of the dangerous aspects of infatuation is that you tend to idolize the other person. You don't see flaws because you are "blinded by love." Your friends try to point out some red flags, but you ignore them. Your parents lovingly warn you, trying to prevent you from making a big mistake, but you don't listen. Young people sometimes say: “So what? We’re marrying each other, not our family and friends.” You can also adhere to this position, but it is unforgivable stupidity to neglect the advice of people who love you. Over the years of your life, both you and your loved one have developed a certain circle of friends. We all strive to be like those we choose as friends; they become like us. Therefore, your friends are, in a sense, your “mirror”. If you're passionate about someone, your friends often don't share the same feelings. If they see red flags, you should pay attention and listen to their opinion.

True love: When you truly love, there is a greater chance that your parents and most of your friends will approve of your choice. For God to bless your marriage, the consent and approval of your parents is very important.

Key No. 8 How do breakups affect?

Enthusiasm: One of the best tests for feeling is the test of distance. If you are simply infatuated, then time and distance will kill your feeling, “This also explains the breakups of those couples whose main interest was physical attractiveness. Over time, another living person nearby will replace the beloved, who remains only in the photograph.

True love: When you truly love, the absence of your loved one only exacerbates your feeling. True love will definitely stand the test of distance and time. It is based not only on the physical attractiveness of a person, it accepts him entirely as a person. Time spent together helps you grow together. Therefore, during separation, you seem to lose your part. Another person, even a very attractive one, cannot fill the emptiness in your heart. Being at a distance, of course, you may experience anxiety and sadness. You will be worried about the thought: “What if he (or she) meets someone else?” And this can happen. But if your loved one is capable of finding happiness with someone else, then it is better to find out about this before, rather than after, marriage. Therefore, if you are facing separation, accept it and do not worry. If your feeling is only infatuation, and it will not withstand such a test, it is better to find out before it is too late.

Key #9 How do disagreements affect feelings?

Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, you often quarrel. You can make peace, but over time, quarrels become more frequent and serious. You become like. two porcupines in the cold. When they are apart, they shake from the cold, but as soon as they press against each other, they prick each other with their needles. "Phil and Alice dated for more than two years. During this time they quarreled and made up at least once a month. Discord arose over any trifle or imaginary offense. Both acted out terrible jealousy. And then Maria, Alice's best friend, tried to open up to them eyes. Once Alice shared with her the details of the last quarrel and threatened: “Just let him try to bring me back! I won’t even talk to him!” “I think you will, Alice,” Maria said softly to her, “but I hope that you will firmly tell him: “Goodbye, Phil, it’s all over.” And then she explained her position to her surprised friend: “You both bring out the worst in each other. You quarrel because you have nothing else to talk about. Strife, tears and romantic “reconciliations” only relieve you of boredom.

True love: When you truly love, you may have disagreements, but true love survives them, and quarrels become less frequent and serious. Every couple must learn to resolve conflicts. It is much better to discuss differences openly and honestly than to let them fester in the back of your mind.

Key #10 How do you view your relationships?

Enthusiasm: When you are infatuated, you tend to think of yourself and your loved one as two people, and accordingly use pronouns in your thoughts and speech: “I”, “me”, “mine”, “he”, “his”, or "she", "her". You think of you as two separate individuals.

True love: When you really love, you usually use the words: “we”, “our”, “us”. You think of you as one. This key may not seem so important when you're just dating, but it's of great importance in marriage. When a marriage is based on passion, husband and wife may find more pleasure in pursuing different interests than in joint activities. The husband may be eager and want to “go out with friends” more than spending time at home with his family. Or the wife will become more interested in her social connections than in her household responsibilities. In families where true love exists, husband and wife enjoy doing things together. A common response here is: "I don't want to go if you can't go too."

Key #11 Are you selfish or selfless?

Enthusiasm: When you are infatuated, your interest in the other person is mainly selfish. A guy can date a beautiful and noticeable girl only because it flatters his pride and raises his prestige. She may be capricious and spoiled, but since she is the "queen" of the school, he becomes the "king" next to her. In the same way, a girl can keep a guy “on a leash” not because she is really interested in him, but because his devotion raises her value in the eyes of others.

True love: When you really love, you like a person for what he is, and not because he can help you assert yourself.

Key #12 What is the basis of your feelings?

Enthusiasm: Is your goal to find someone who will completely dedicate their life to making you happy? Do you take care of yourself first? If yes, then you are just infatuated. Your general attitude is selfish - you care most about what you can get from this relationship.

True love: Love is selfless and devoted. You strive to do whatever it takes to bring joy to others. You are primarily interested in what you can give, not what you can receive.

* * *

Evaluate your feeling. Take a sheet of paper and carefully study the keys, starting with the first one. Give an assessment of your feelings for each of them. If you want, the keys can show not only whether your love is real, but also a certain degree of your feelings. In most cases, the clues show a mixture of infatuation and true love. Therefore, rate each key on a ten-point scale. Zero will mean infatuation, and 10 will mean love. For example, when looking at clue #1, you might decide, “To be completely honest, I was mainly interested in physical attractiveness, so I'll give myself two points.” If, when examining key No. 7, you see that approximately half of your friends approve of your choice, and half do not, then give yourself five points. When you rate yourself on all twelve keys, add up your points. An overall score of 80 or higher shows that your senses are fairly reliable. For your part, you can believe that your love can become the basis for a successful marriage. But that's only on your part.

The person you love must also pass this test and score a high score. Love must be mutual. No matter how much you love this person, one-sided love will not help. He should experience the same feelings in return. If you score between 50 and 80 points, you will need more time to see how your relationship develops. If the points scored are less than 50, you are just carried away. So try to save your heart. First of all, do not complicate your relationship with sexual intimacy and do not rush into marriage.

Also note the following: A high score on this test does not necessarily mean that you are ready for marriage. First of all, you may still be too young for marriage, even if you have scored a lot of points. Secondly, even if you are the right age, you may simply not know each other well yet. As we have already said, you need to know each other well for at least two years before you think about marriage.

It is important for every woman to feel the love of her man. But it is often difficult for representatives of the stronger sex to openly admit their feelings, since they consider love to be a sign of weakness. Therefore, experts in the field of relationship psychology advise paying attention not to the words of your chosen one, but to his actions. Long walks under the moon, expensive gifts and luxurious bouquets of flowers are not an indicator of the sincerity of feelings. Behind all this there may be love or passion hidden. Signs of sincere sympathy include: absolute trust between a man and a woman, joint plans for the future, mutual support and care.

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Signs of true love

A man's love for a woman cannot be described by a universal formula. Each couple has their own unique story. Sometimes it is difficult to guess the feelings that a person hides in his heart.

Love is not an external manifestation, it always lurks inside.

But there are signs indicating the sincerity of male feelings:

• A man is part of the life of his chosen one. They spend their free time together and are interested in each other's affairs, even at a distance. They are never bored together, even if they have different interests and views on life. In such a relationship, a man plays several roles: a devoted lover, a loyal friend and an interesting interlocutor.
• The young man completely trusts his girlfriend. There is no place for lies, betrayal and betrayal in relationships.
• A woman feels safe next to her beloved. She is not afraid of anything, because she knows that his strength protects her.
• A man talks about joint plans for the future. If in the dreams of a lover his chosen one plays an important role, then this indicates the seriousness of his intentions.
• The lover introduced the girl to her parents. Every woman dreams of a relationship that will one day grow into a strong family. Therefore, meeting your loved one’s parents is an important step that demonstrates the strength of his feelings. If a young man, under various pretexts, refuses to introduce a girl to his family, you should think about the sincerity of his intentions.
• Partners experience mutual sexual attraction. The intimate side of relationships is important. Many married couples get divorced or look for an affair because they are not satisfied with sex with their partner, so you should not be skeptical about this criterion of love. Good sex is an indicator that there is not only a spiritual, but also a physical connection between a man and a woman.
• The young man sincerely admires his girlfriend, and the feelings do not fade over time. Couples who discover new facets of love every day subsequently create strong and happy families. Adult men and women who have been married for a single year should not be completely immersed in everyday life; there should always be a place for romance in relationships.

How different zodiac signs show their feelings

Zodiac signs show their feelings in different ways. Below are the characteristics of the behavior of men, depending on their sign in the zodiac horoscope:

• If Aries truly loves, they will do anything to win their chosen one. They are romantic, so their courtship cannot leave any girl indifferent. In a relationship with an Aries, there will always be a lot of laughter, good-natured banter and funny pranks. But there is one nuance - it is important for representatives of this sign to know that their feelings are mutual.
• Signs of Taurus love are not so easy to decipher, since they wait a long time before taking decisive action. They will shower their beloved with carefully prepared gifts that symbolize their feelings. A married Taurus is distinguished by a reverent attitude towards his wife. He protects her and shows constant concern for her well-being. You will have to be patient and not rush things - everything has its time.
• Gemini's main weapon is a wonderful sense of humor. They can always lift your spirits and make you laugh sincerely. Geminis strive to actively participate in the life of their beloved girl. They independently solve the problems of their chosen one and provide her with full support.
• A Cancer man's love shows in his actions. Cancers are sensitive and sentimental, the main thing in life for them is family. Representatives of this sign will cook delicious dishes for their beloved and spend cozy evenings at home. If a man introduced a girl to his family, this is one of the key signs of his love for her.
• Leos are masters of flirting, so recognizing whether they are experiencing love or simple interest is not so easy. But there is one secret. If a busy Leo finds a place in his schedule to meet a girl, then he is serious. Lovers will spend all their free time together: dinners together, long walks, travel.
• Virgos surround their significant other with love and care. The girl feels safe next to them. If representatives of the sign trust their secrets, then their intentions are serious.
• Libras value in women not only their appearance, but also the beauty of their soul. It is important for them to see a kind, smart and thrifty girl next to them. When they meet her, they turn into real romantics.
• Scorpios love to create intrigue, so they never talk about their love directly. As a rule, they carefully hide their sympathy, but sometimes you can notice their gaze on you. You should take a closer look at their behavior and pay attention to the unobtrusive hints they give.
• Sagittarians spend a lot of time next to their loved ones. They constantly keep in touch by phone and invite their friends and relatives on joint trips and holidays. But they are in no hurry to get married because they value their freedom.
• Capricorns are true gentlemen. If they truly love, then they make every effort to win reciprocal sympathy. They openly express their feelings, because they do not like to play mystery in relationships. Stability and confidence in the future are important to them.
• Aquarians are alien to conventions. They behave somewhat distantly, so to make sure of their love, you will have to carefully monitor their behavior and emotions. If Aquarius gives compliments and invites the girl to take part in a risky adventure, then his heart is won.
• Pisces are shy, so they rarely take the first step in a relationship. It is very important for representatives of this sign to see reciprocal sympathy from a girl. They show their love in the form of care. When Pisces get used to a person, they open their soul to him.

What is love? The feeling that gives absolute happiness? Or an experience that plunges you into emotional chaos? Neither one nor the other. Even mutual love does not give a feeling of harmony and serenity. But it excites and shocks us even after years. Love is a multifaceted feeling, here are its components.

1. Seeing the other person as a mystery

Love is a mysterious feeling. We feel it, but we don't understand it. The force that pulls a person towards is inexplicable. We strive for him not because we like the way he looks, he is rich or endowed with power, not because he looks like one of our parents or another significant person. If the union can be explained logically - “she replaced his mother” or “they are together because of money”, there can be no talk of true love. In her case, it is always the mystery that guides us.

“Love appeals to our unconscious: to some childhood experience, loss or longing for what we could not have. It affects that part of the personality that is unknown to us,” explains psychoanalyst Patrick Lamboulay. - That’s why it’s a mistake to think that in a relationship two “halves” should merge, which give birth to something whole. It is in this idea that lies the reason why many married couples break up. When a person in a relationship feels understated, he may decide: this is not his soul mate. But this, of course, is not true. To truly love means to always remain intrigued by the mystery of another person.”

2. Afraid of losing

And all the time. And not only another person, but also yourself, dissolving in him. In The Discontents of Culture, Sigmund Freud explains this phenomenon: “We become dependent on another because we constantly need him to support us in our existence.” Hence the fear of loss.

“Love means taking risks,” explains philosopher and psychoanalyst Monica Schneider. “This feeling is so dizzying that sometimes we are even drawn to reject it in order to protect ourselves from the frightening power of another person over us.”

Freud emphasized that Eros and Thanatos are inseparable: I love you - I destroy you. Eros is our desire to connect with each other. Thanatos is the death drive that pushes us to break this connection so that our “I” remains omnipotent.

If we manage to overcome all doubts and fears and surrender to love, we find ourselves in wonderful new territory

“It’s hard to give up on yourself,” explains psychoanalyst Jean-Jacques Moskowitz. - Love always brings torment. It affects our very being - what we are in this world. Only a few realize this. When they find themselves alone, they enjoy it because they feel protected. But if we manage to overcome all doubts and fears and surrender to love, we find ourselves in a new wonderful territory where feelings are revealed with renewed vigor.”

True love is not a good business deal. A whirlpool of feelings is dangerous for both partners. That's why we often doubt something else. But even if he tries to pull away, this does not always mean that he does not love. Perhaps he is simply afraid of losing himself.

3. Be ready to take a step into the unknown

In love, nothing is predetermined. No one can guarantee that feelings will be permanent, and that life together will be long and happy. “Love relationships are a special world in which reason does not rule everything,” explains Monica Schneider. - But you shouldn’t set yourself up for the worst.

Sometimes, due to past experiences of failed relationships, we convince ourselves in advance that we are doomed to suffer. To truly love, you must be able to believe in miracles again, accept the unknown and learn to be patient.”

4. Feel desire

Here, at first glance, everything is simple: to love a person means to desire him. Research confirms that physical intimacy helps maintain relationships and does not allow the fire of love to go out. Without an exchange of affection, lovers turn into roommates. You can have sex without love, but when there is love, intimacy gives true pleasure.

If desire wanes, does that mean the relationship is over? Not at all! Our feelings are influenced by many factors, they are cyclical and constantly experience periods of ups and downs. You may not want intimacy right now because you are simply tired, have eaten too much or too little, are stressed, or, conversely, are pleasantly excited about some grandiose changes. “There are days when it’s enough for us to just have our loved one nearby,” explains Monica Schneider.

5. Feel alive

“To be loved is to feel that you have the right to exist,” said philosopher and writer Jean-Paul Sartre. True love is finding the meaning of your existence in the world.

Love brings us back to childhood, when it gives us the feeling that everything in the world revolves around us. By choosing each other, we make each other special. In a relationship, we give the other person special significance. We recognize his importance: we respect his views and passions, we accept his ideals.

Another person brings us his world, and we give him ours. This allows you to experience new feelings and open new horizons. “Love helps you see all the colors of life,” sums up Monica Schneider. “True love makes you feel alive.”

We always wonder why girls are so illogical. They are looking for a decent, kind young man, but they themselves are going crazy with the local hooligan, a typical bad guy. They talk about creating a strong relationship, and then they cheat on you with the first person they meet. How to understand what she feels for a man?

But, as the famous Irish writer and playwright Oscar Wilde said,

“Women are created to be loved, not to be understood” - Oscar Wilde

Falling in love changes a person from the inside, which immediately catches the eye of those who know the girl well. Even if a young lady manages to hide the sparkle of her eyes from her gentleman and seem restrained and demonstratively indifferent, then close friends and relatives will probably notice a nervous tremor of excitement and confusion of speech when her beloved guy is mentioned.

It will not be at all difficult for an attentive and sensitive young man to find out from such reliable sources what the desired girl feels for him. You just need to put together a puzzle of subtle hints, unambiguous clues and draw the right conclusions for yourself.

Signs of falling in love in women are a litmus test in the hands of a man, which will help you easily determine whether your partner loves you or whether the relationship is wonderful only in words.

Pay attention to the behavior of the chosen one. Signs of a woman's love are sometimes more eloquent than the hottest confessions and juicy love SMS. Some oddities, actions and manners that are unusual for her are always clearly visible to an attentive gentleman.

Let's start with the main thing. A lady in love is trying to attract attention to herself: with random gentle touches, skillful “shooting eyes” from under half-closed eyelids, and attempts to constantly be as close to the young man as possible.

Sometimes the desire to be noticed, to stand out from the crowd, pushes a young lady into demonstrative behavior, for example, laughing loudly in response to a clearly unfunny joke or completely ignoring the object of passion.

Moreover, sometimes girls themselves provoke a man into conflict in order to hide the feelings that they really feel for him behind insolence and a mask of disdain.

It is important for a guy to understand that signs of a woman’s love for him can manifest themselves in the most unusual situations and sometimes shock others. If a young lady constantly teases and teases you, tries to unbalance you, do not be offended. Such strange behavior is nothing more than the female version of “pulling pigtails.”

Revealing women's secrets. Questionnaire for attentive guys

Observe the behavior of your chosen one. Here's what you should pay close attention to:

1. Has she noticeably gotten prettier?

The desire to please a potential groom pushes young ladies to experiment with their appearance. This could be a change in hair color and length, clothing style, or the desire to lose weight.

Yesterday’s “gray mouse” will change from comfortable baggy jeans to light romantic dresses, and a reserved business woman turns into a cheerful, mischievous girl with a whole fountain of emotions, and you suddenly notice that she is damn pretty.

The range of changes can be enormous. From a passion for sports or ballroom dancing to skydiving.

Love is the best cosmetics. But it’s easier to buy cosmetics. — Yves Saint Laurent

Sometimes playing too much with your appearance can look ridiculous. A sweet girl can become like the heroine of the series “Don’t Be Born Beautiful” Katya Pushkareva. In one of the episodes, under the influence of love, the typical “smart and modest girl” agreed to the services of a provincial stylist, who turned the heroine’s face into a solid multi-colored spot.

A girl in love glows with happiness. The secret is simple: such a strong feeling inspires, fills us with joy, optimism and makes the sweet young lady even more beautiful. Have you noticed how she has changed?

2. Does your gaze make her blush?

If a woman does not take her eyes off, but, meeting your gaze, tries to hide her interest with demonstrative indifference or embarrassment, this is a clear sign that she is not indifferent to you.

And if at the same time the sweet lady’s pupils dilate and her gentle gaze touches your lips every now and then, the man has something to think about.

3. Are you ready to follow you to the ends of the earth?

The main signs of love in women are care and guardianship, the willingness to always come to the rescue, help out, and support a guy in difficult times also says a lot for an attentive observer.

It is unlikely that such caring behavior and readiness to sacrifice for the sake of a guy is limited to innocent friendship. Most likely, the girl is in love, but is afraid to admit her feelings.

4. What do the movements of her body indicate?

When communicating with a gentleman, a cutie in love performs unconscious actions: smoothes her hair, twirls a curl of hair on her finger, actively gestures, repeats, “mirrors” the gestures and posture of her interlocutor.

Shows a desire to touch, stroke a palm, sweep away invisible dust from a shoulder, straighten a cuff, tie or hairstyle.

Is she unreasonably excited when communicating with a young man? The rapid breathing of a woman in love and slight absent-mindedness easily give away her little secret. It’s not for nothing that they say that lovers “float in the clouds.”

5. Have the chosen one’s priorities changed?

He asks mutual friends about the guy, explaining his behavior with innocent interest. Frequently visits his page on social networks. She will gladly exchange communication with close friends for a conversation with the man she likes. She is ready to give in and shows almost angelic patience.

6. Does being jealous mean loving?

Jealous of other females, even if you have exclusively friendly relations with them. Women in love are possessive people who do not want to share the attention of their chosen one with strangers.

This explains the frequent calls during working hours, sweet SMS and attempts to find out in the company of which people the loved one spends time.

7. Is he trying to seduce you?

Flirting and coquetry, compliments, pleasant surprises, gifts are important components of a relationship. Even after many years together.

How do you know if she has fallen out of love?

Unfortunately, feelings, like expensive alcohol, tend to be removed from the blood and disappear from our consciousness. How do you understand that a relationship has outlived its usefulness, and the subtle magic of passion has dissolved in the gray everyday life? Is love alive or is it a habit, dancing on the long-cooled embers of a former passion?

Top 10 signs that your partner has fallen out of love:

1. Rarely shows sincere interest in the gentleman. Usually when she needs help.
2. The relationship took on a tinge of self-interest. The words “buy”, “take” and “give” in her messages have long replaced “love”, “kisses” and “I’m looking forward to it”.
3. The words of the chosen one emanate indifference and coldness. Rarely makes eye contact. I even stopped being jealous. Your beloved has new interests and friends, whom she is in no hurry to introduce you to.
4. Frequent conversations about other men, comparisons that are not in your favor clearly indicate problems and misunderstandings.
5. Live communication has turned into torture. A lady would rather leave home or hide behind the screen of gadgets in the world of social networks than agree to have a frank conversation with a man.
6. Intimate life has become faded, does not evoke the former delight or does not bring pleasure. The former burning kisses turned into a meaningless ritual. With the same enthusiasm, she could throw a token at a subway turnstile, brush her teeth in the morning, or wash the dishes.
7. The chosen one has stopped caring for herself and only puts on a makeover before leaving the house.
8. She doesn’t try to surprise her with an exquisite delicacy or pamper her with her favorite dish, although she used to love cooking.
9. He actively communicates with other guys, flirts, and hides correspondence from you. Reluctant to talk about his plans, does not share his thoughts.
10. Conflicts have become frequent guests within the walls of the house. A dispute can flare up even over little things that would not have been noticed before.

What to do if there is no more love?

Talk to your beloved about the problems and prospects of the union. Find out what doesn't suit your partner. Perhaps this is a typical family crisis. Working on the relationship, as well as the interest of both partners in solving problems, can strengthen the union and fill life with romance and passion again.

Don’t be shy about writing out from your soul those who actually live in a completely different place. — Rozbitskaya Natalya

Don't accumulate resentment, don't blame. If there is no more room for love in a lady’s heart, passion has long disappeared, turned into a habit, psychological dependence or selfish deal, let her go. Forgive and wish you happiness. Fate will still give you a chance to meet true love.

Not long ago, the article “5 signs of fake love” published on Passion.ru had a fairly wide resonance. Readers argued heatedly and tried to figure out what signs could then be used to determine true love.

From responses to the article "Five signs of fake love":

We have sorted out the “fake” one, now I would like to somehow decide on the “real” one. Is it true? A completely legitimate desire.

At the risk of incurring the wrath of a strict readership, which believes that love defies definition, that this is a subtle and too individual matter, I will say with all the responsibility of an experienced “loving” person: “True love has signs!”

Moreover, she has such signs that you will never be mistaken about her.

Because they exist a priori, that is, without reservations or conditions, as if initially, by definition.

You will definitely recognize her! At the same moment! For the simple reason that every person has already experienced this feeling at the deepest genetic level, at the moment of conception and intrauterine development.

No matter how the mother treats her child in the future, from the very beginning, on an uncontrollable, cellular level, he has already received this invaluable lesson of love from her. And it was about unity.

So what are they, signs of true love?

Love is freedom

Complementarity

You can give at least twenty definitions of the same thing, without which true love is impossible.

This could also sound simply at the level of the concepts of “friend” and “stranger”. A loved one is your own person, the closest, dearest.

Someone with whom you want to be yourself, with whom you feel at ease, freely, naturally, with whom you don’t have to play, deserve attention, think about words, actions, movements for a long time.

With our family, we open up, bare ourselves mentally, and become liberated.

This is great, because openness allows you to experience each other’s deepest inner movements, amazing consonance and involvement, unity.

But, unfortunately, this wonderful trait very often turns out to be the other side of us. She makes us vulnerable.

It is with the closest people that we can allow ourselves to be rude, we are not shy about definitions, we can thoughtlessly offend and offend our relatives, we free ourselves from conventions and restraining factors and give free rein to our anger, evil tongue, and spread our shortcomings.

No one is capable of hurting as much as the closest and most beloved person. Why is this happening?

We probably lack good manners, humanity, and restraint.

Take a closer look at yourself and those around you: at every step we kill each other with words and glances, irony and mocking remarks, bitter truths and revealing dots and i’s, because we know our loved ones like flaky ones.

All the secrets, weak and strong points, shortcomings and hidden secrets.

We do not know how to use these secrets and appreciate the extent of this openness, which can give the greatest pleasure in the world.

People do not have enough words to express love and speak the language of love.

But there are enough definitions, revelations and other black nasty things that we, without hesitation, pour on the heads of our defenseless loved ones.

We quite rightly think that our loved one will forgive everything. And he forgives. Forgives. Forgives, poor fellow.

Until he comes across some heart-warming novel or film with beautiful relationships between hero-lovers.

He will envy their love. And he will want to have the same one. Only with someone else, less aware of his weak points.

With someone else, he will be much more careful and at the same time stingier in expressing feelings. And who will benefit from this?

So isn’t it better, instead of thoughtlessly throwing around words, to be emphatically sensitive to their selection when they concern the person most dear to you? Why subject your love to such tests...

Love is participation

Lack of submission

You've probably heard the popular belief that some lovers always love something, and some allow themselves to be loved.

Someone dominates, someone obeys. That is, initially one is higher, the other is lower. One is master, the other is servant.

Even subtle psychological ones, which, unfortunately, are found all too often in love stories. Sometimes to us, blinded by our feelings, this does not seem like slavery at all.

It seems natural to us to give joy, to sacrifice for the sake of a loved one, to obey his orders, advice, instructions, instructions.

We ourselves love to engage in the “education” of our dearest halves and expect this sweet “commandership” from them. Because it seems to us that it is in him that caring is manifested.

To set you on the right path is the amazing mission of a loved one. Isn't it true?

How many foreheads have been broken by this delusion. How many love boats have sunk, weighed down by pedagogical Talmuds about the correctness of actions, duties, and norms of behavior within the family.

From invisible but strong whips, mental attacks, training, which only indicate that the road to divorce is paved with good intentions.

By the way, the idea of ​​obligatory fidelity and the inadmissibility of adultery are concepts of the same order.

They arise from the need to command, own, subjugate. That is, they feed our ego. Another person is free in any of his actions and manifestations.

AND the meaning of love is to give him the right to free will.

Love is a deep feeling

This is when we are unable to be indifferent to each other. And at the same time, we accept the other as he is.

Yes, we can be angry with him, not share views, have different friends, do different things, like different foods, films, books, etc., etc.

But at the same time, to be so partial to your loved one that his work, films, books, friends, views become, as it were, ours. Notice that word “as if.”

Love easily and joyfully relates to the presence in another person of “differences from us.” She allows them to be. And strive to share, accept, understand, feel, and participate in them.

That is, how to try on the skin of another person, to some extent become him, while remaining yourself. And this is only possible through interaction, penetration, experience, etc.

No matter how much we are carried away by the idea of ​​freedom, but love is a mutual feeling. This means it requires mutual participation and adaptation.

Do you remember what they usually wish for newlyweds? "Advice and love." Since childhood, I wanted to know what kind of advice this should accompany a happy family.

Now I understand it precisely as empathy. Or agreement with the existence of differences. And sympathy for this difference.

For all our complementarity, we are still too different. It takes time to get used to, to adapt to the different differences that are inherent in each of us.

Here you will probably have to bite your tongue on something, even sacrifice something for the sake of another person. Moreover, this process necessarily involves mutual participation.

Love is in constant motion

Very often another equally strong feeling is mistaken for love - falling in love.

It can be ardent, painful, hot, “...if you wait for a meeting like a holiday, you burn with impatience to see each other quickly, isn’t that love?”

It can burst like a soap bubble, from which not even the iris remains, or it can transform into its other form.

To another stage of development, which does not burst so quickly, because it penetrates into the very heart.

You have probably met women who have grown their love to the age of depth. You feel them from afar, as if a bright protective cloud hangs over their heads.

They are calm and confident, they enjoy life because there is love in it, protecting them from surface storms.

Some say that a satisfied woman can be seen a mile away. And they reduce everything only to physical satisfaction.

In fact, you can have forty orgasms every day, but never feel love and remain deeply unsatisfied.

Why does it sometimes seem that real feeling is somehow boring, calm or something insipid? This confuses many people.

They naively believe that love is when bridges burn and the world collapses. When passion blows your mind and your heart stops from excitement.

This happens, of course. But, as a rule, on the surface.

Do you want to compare love to the sea? Above there is a hurricane, noise, whistling, cries of seagulls, and in the depths there is silence, only seaweed slowly swaying and deep-sea fish swimming somewhere.

But all the most important wealth of the sea is here, inside, in the depths. So it is in love.

Movement

It could be both growth and decline. She is like life itself: it never stands still.

And if anyone thinks that it can be preserved once and for all in the same version (in words, poses, rituals, gifts, etc.), then they are deeply mistaken.

Love, with all its depth, does not tolerate monotony. She always prepares surprises for us. And we to her. This changeability is the meaning of its longevity.

Does this seem paradoxical to you? “How can inconstancy be a sign of love?” – a strict reader will ask.

In fact, the most stable and sure sign of love is movement. It's inevitable.

Which direction your feeling will move depends only on you. Will it degrade, dry up, die, or bloom, deepen, develop? It's all up to you.

If you carelessly rest on your laurels, thinking that you have caught eternity by the tail, or carelessly throw around words and actions, testing its strength, then there is a high probability of losing this heavenly gift, which is given to everyone, but not everyone is able to appreciate this gift. and save.

Think about it! Everything is in your hands, ears, eyes, brains, hearts and souls - try not to hang chains, blinders, pasta and shackles on them. And then you won’t have problems with “true” love!