Love for a married man is always forbidden, sinful and condemned by society. But what to do if he is unhappy in his marriage and only certain obligations and feelings of responsibility and conscience bind him to his wife. He also wants to be with you, reciprocates your feelings, but will never dare to leave his family. In this case, you should try your best to get your lover to leave his wife for you. Perhaps someone will say that it is mean and ugly to take a person away from the family. But what if there is still no happiness in that family? Is this your fault?

Do you need this man?

Cheating is always associated with a certain mystery. Lovers are forced to hide, hide, see each other in secret. These thrills make their feelings stronger and more passionate. No wonder they say that the forbidden fruit is sweet. Often, after lovers reunite, they realize that apart from this secret and passion, nothing connects them. Relationships become boring, the spice disappears. In addition, people understand that there really was no love. In most cases, the would-be lover, having been pushed around, returns to his wife.

Even if your beloved man is unhappy in his marriage, if there are no feelings between him and his wife for a long time, think about what the situation is like in reality? Perhaps he simply chose the position of the victim, it is so convenient for him, and you also feel sorry for him. There are men who attract women to themselves in this way. After all, all women by nature love to shelter, pity, understand and console someone. Therefore, before you take a man away from your family, think about whether he wants to leave? And the most important question: do you need it? Analyze why you agreed to the role of a mistress? It is unlikely that love broke out between you right away. Surely before this there was just an intimate relationship without feelings and obligations. And being a mistress certainly has its advantages.

Why is it good to be a mistress?

Being the mistress of a family man is not always a bad thing. Think for yourself:

• you have no obligations to this man;
• you are not burdened with everyday life;
• you have constant sex;
• there is male attention and romance in your life;
• You can sometimes count on financial support (if not all the time).

Imagine a man leaves his wife for you. What awaits you? Very soon your relationship will be swallowed up by harsh everyday life. Romance and attention will disappear. In addition, do not forget that the man will constantly maintain contact with his ex-wife and children. And this is jealousy, suspicion, mistrust. And the most important point: recently he cheated on his wife with you. Where is the guarantee that he won’t cheat on you again? He is incapable of being faithful and you know this very well. This will gnaw and torment you. Although, there are women who accept all these facts and know how to create a wonderful family with their lover. We hope that you belong to this category of wise women.

For what reason is it necessary to take a man away from the family?

You need to understand that you cannot just take your lover away from your wife out of sport. As a result, your relationship will deteriorate, the man will return to his wife, and the feelings of all three participants in the love triangle will suffer. Therefore, you need to think about how to make a man leave the family only if you have serious reasons:

• there is true love between you, tested by time and situations;
• you are pregnant or already have a child from your lover;
• you both are unhappy in your personal lives without each other.

If at least one reason applies to you, then take action.

Steps on how to make your lover leave your wife

You have been dating for more than one year, but your lover has not taken the first step towards resolving the situation. Believe me, he won't. There are many circumstances that prevent this, but most often the man is simply unsure, and does not want to change his established life. It is convenient for him to have a full house and a mistress as an outlet for the soul. For him to leave his wife for you, you need to take a lot of steps and spend a lot of time. But you're ready for anything, aren't you? So, how to take a man away from the family:

1. Become truly close to him. You must understand him and support him in everything. This is exactly what he lacks in his wife. But don't strive to be better than your wife or to become perfect. Stay earthy, but different. After all, this is why he chose you.
2. During meetings, create the maximum feeling of comfort and coziness for the man. He needs to know that where you are is his home.
3. There is no need to get hung up on your lover. On the contrary, at a certain moment you can move away a little. Since a man has a sense of ownership, he will panic.
4. Don't take the first steps - don't call him, don't make dates, don't invite him. A man should do this. Let him pursue you constantly.
5. Don't discuss his wife, don't turn him against her. Even if a man constantly complains about his wife, he has the right to do so, since he lives with her. Just listen, silently, to all complaints and console. If you start discussing your wife, the man may not like it.
6. The most effective way is to set an ultimatum. Deny him sex, be prepared to quit. If a man loves you, he will leave his wife. If you find an excuse not to do this again, then it’s useless.

In general, as practice shows, if a man has not made a choice and has not decided in the first year of such a relationship, then there is no point in waiting. You can thus lose your whole life in the status of an eternal lover. First, you will wait until your lover gets on his feet financially, so as not to depend on his wife or her parents. Then he will ask you to wait until the children grow up. Then the wife will have some difficult period when she needs support, and there is no way to leave her. And this is how your whole life will go. Just understand that a man loses absolutely nothing in this case: he has a family, an established life, children, relatives. What will be left for you? Broken heart and cat. Alas, these are the sad realities of statistics.

If a lover leaves his wife

If you still achieve your goal, there is no need to relax. A lover's leaving his wife does not mean your victory. You need to prepare for many moments and have a lot of patience.

1. You have sacrificed a lot in order to create the image that attracted your lover. This image needs to be maintained. After all, this is what put you at an undoubted advantage over your mistress.
2. If your lover is older than you, be prepared for differences in daily routine, nutrition, habits and preferences. Now you will prepare him a special menu so that the ulcer does not worsen and give massages during radiculitis. By the way, this again comes to the question: are you ready to tolerate such a lover?
3. Be prepared for the fact that your lover will constantly communicate with his wife and children. They will still have common friends and some business. The ex-wife will call for any reason, be it a question about a study group for a child or preparations for graduation. Of course, the best option is to make friends with the children and establish neutrality towards the wife.

As you can see, it is difficult to take a lover away from the family, but it is even more difficult to keep him close. If you find yourself in this situation, think carefully and weigh all the pros and cons. Perhaps this is another episode in your life that you simply mistook for a serious feeling.

In childhood, adults assure us that after marriage, quiet family happiness and a cloudless existence will await us. But no one talks about the fact that the husband will have a mistress - a person who can destroy the family and trample feelings. Cheating in marriage happens much more often than people talk about. But, despite such betrayal towards a woman, a man does not always leave the family for his passion. Today we will talk about How many men leave their wives for mistresses?, and let's try to look at this situation through the eyes of a man.

Pros of a mistress

With his mistress, a man seems to be plunging into a new life. He is loved again, they say kind words to him, write erotic SMS and always greet him with a joyful sparkle in his eyes. In family life, he has not been so happy for a long time, and everyday problems drag him into an incomprehensible routine, from which there seems to be no way out except to start an affair on the side. And there he will find some time of peace and rest from family troubles. The mistress is probably young, beautiful and she can’t wait to take everything from life, especially when it comes to love and sex. In addition, this is a long-awaited variety, which is sometimes so lacking in family life. Interest is constantly fueled by the fact that you have to hide from everyone, which, you see, is very romantic because it is associated with danger.

The mistress does not notice the man’s shortcomings, or rather, does not talk about them. She extols her beloved, and this is just a balm for the wound - after all, he has not been appreciated for so long.

In general, there are continuous advantages and pleasure from communication. What about the wife? Is she really that bad if a man prefers a new lady to her?

Pros of being a wife

A wife is not only a woman for love pleasures, but also a comrade, a good adviser and simply a person who has put up with a man’s shortcomings for so many years and does not leave.

The wife is a friend, comrade, cleaner, cook and just a dear and close person

The wife knows about all her husband’s habits and takes them for granted. It is not a fact that a mistress, having recognized her man in everyday life, will agree to cope with his temper. A man has a rear, reliable and unchanging. He can always rely on this woman, entrust his problems to her and solve them together, working as a team. How many men leave their wives for mistresses?? The mistress has shortcomings that are difficult for a man to come to terms with. Only they do not appear immediately, but as they meet. In addition, the wife often suits the man precisely because he is accustomed to her. Habit is sometimes stronger than love, and even more so for a man who doesn’t want to get used to the new taste of borscht and the smell of another body nearby.

Disadvantages of a mistress

While an affair with a married man brings pleasure to his mistress, she does not interfere with the man’s time with his family. It seems that this woman understands that a man can only give her some of his free time - so she tolerates it when he suddenly cancels a date or spends the holidays with his family. In fact, such understanding on the part of the mistress is temporary, as soon as she wants to receive more attention or possess the man completely without reserve, she turns into a nervous person who begins to slowly drip into the man’s brains. Various methods are used - from hysterics on the phone to ignoring the rules of communication with a married man, that is, to calling him on his mobile phone late at night, clarifying the relationship with his wife and the man’s headache after these clarifications.

Wife's Disadvantages

Even a woman who is your life partner and reliable partner has flaws. One of them is the main one for a man who takes a mistress - lack of attention on her part. In a couple, it often happens that spouses expect attention from each other, while no one wants to take the first step. The wife's shortcoming also manifests itself in the fact that she knows her husband too well. This is both a plus and a minus for a man. On the one hand, he does not need to be afraid to be who he is, and on the other hand, she knows his every next step. It’s hard to be with a person whom you cannot surprise, and who will once again say “I knew it” whenever you make a mistake.

What awaits a man after a breakup?

Some men still decide to break off relations with their wife after long and painful deliberation. They begin a new, already official, relationship with their mistress. Now she is his fiancee or the woman with whom he is “everything serious.” The period of adjustment is not as difficult as in the first marriage - there is more experience, and the feelings are still strong. But after a year or two, the couple almost always faces the same outcome. The mistress will turn into the likeness of a wife. She will also lack attention, she will also have reproaches, and over time she will not love the man as much as before the wedding.
The answer to the question: “?” will be negative. No, unfortunately, or fortunately, a man is in no hurry to break family ties and start a relationship from scratch with another woman. Therefore, when starting a relationship with a married man, you must understand that in 90% of cases he will not stay with you, but will save his family, even if his marriage leaves much to be desired.

Contents of the article:

Sometimes, even in the most well-disposed couples, some negativity flashes through, but this does not always lead to a breakup, it usually leads to quarrels. But even in the strongest relationships, in which life slowly goes on as usual, and there are no hints that something is wrong, suddenly the man leaves the family. The stunned woman cannot give an explanation for what happened, it seems that she works a lot and looks after her family, but... The essence of the answer lies much deeper than one might initially think, which is why it turns out that the relationship is crossing a critical line.

Reasons for a man leaving the family

The main answer, perhaps, lies in showing respect for him. It is hidden not only in the expression of love directly, because this feeling is not equally perceived by the subconscious of men and women. Men only accept relationships when they are treated with respect. That is, respect is the main need for him, and, perhaps, the main one in terms of relationships. For a married couple, sexual relationships do not develop based on a hormonal surge, and if they do not exist at all, it means that the man has no desire for it. But ? The reason for this is a man’s need for respect. How could he be attracted to a woman who doesn’t respect him?

So let's figure out what self-respect means for a man. This is an opportunity for him to feel his own importance when a woman is tolerant of his choices and decisions, whatever they may be, and supports him in everything. Because he respects his choice and does not make any comments to the man. Perhaps this is the importance of respect for men. Now it’s clear why they leave their family, the reason is quite justified. However, it also happens that a man leaves not just from his family, but to his mistress.

Why do men leave their families for their mistress?

In this case, slightly different reasons are revealed. It often happens that a man has a very poorly developed sense of attachment to his family, no matter how long you have been married. If a man is alone for a very long time, for example, on a business trip, and the events of his life are rarely intertwined with his family, then he has every chance of losing the habit of family. And if a man is not used to it enough, then nothing will stop him from leaving for another. That’s why it happens that a man leaves his family for his mistress.

However, this is far from the last option for the reason for the man’s departure. Sometimes it turns out that family relationships have long ceased to exist at a normal level for both spouses. Frequent quarrels, scandals and misunderstandings bring the bar closer to breaking, and then a man may well find someone with whom he can build a relationship anew. Another option is also possible, which could destroy your family. This happens when a man is much younger than his wife, but with a similar appearance to her. This especially happens when the mistress turns out to be better than the wife in some way.

So why does a man leave his family?

As we have already figured out, men can have many options for such an act:

1. This often happens due to loss of woman's respect, or he simply loses interest in her;
2. Because of absence;
3. A man withdraws from his family, being somewhere far away, and nothing has connected him with her for a long time;
4. This often happens due to betrayal, it doesn’t matter who initiated it. However, cheating indicates that the relationship is already damaged for some reason. All this encourages a man to leave his family.

Situations also arise in which, despite quarrels and scandals, various stressful situations, a man still prefers to stay in the family. Why don't married men leave their family, despite disagreements? It's quite simple:

• The first thing that concerns the guarantee of a strong relationship is a man's attitude towards his family. If everything in his life is connected with family, he takes care of his family and friends, and his family respects him, then, most likely, the man simply cannot leave them. The thing is that our brain does not like frequent changes from what is familiar to it and this does not motivate new changes;
• If there are children in the family, they can save absolutely any relationship, even the most doomed. When babies are born, then the family focuses its attention only on the children, and lives on for their sake. Thinking about the future of his children, a man is motivated to achieve new goals in the family;
• In addition to these main reasons, there are many secondary ones that, when combined, save your family from a man leaving.

All of the above keeps a man from going to the left, and married men do not leave the family. It is worth highlighting separately the reasons why a man does not leave his family.

Why does a man live in two families?

If a man has a mistress for a very long time, then he gradually gets used to her, which makes her even more valuable to him. Especially if she complements his wife in some way, a man can fill his wife's gaps in another woman. But mainly it concerns habit, he gets used to it, and can no longer perceive it as a separate part from his family, and in his subconscious he already associates another woman as an addition to his family. Perhaps this is the main reason that forces a man to live in two families. Habit is the most powerful motivator to do this, and a man is not always able and ready to leave his woman for his mistress.

Read also:

Orthodox calendar

Monday, January 20, 2020(January 7, Old Style)
32nd Week after Pentecost
Cathedral of John the Baptist and Baptist of the Lord (c.28)
After-feast of Epiphany
Readings of the day
Gospel and Apostle:
In lit.: -Ap.: Hebrews 11:17-23,27-31 Ev.: Mark 9:42-10:1
Psalter:
In the morning: - Ps.24-31; Ps.32-36 For eternity: - Ps.37-45

The situation when we fall in love with unfree men is not uncommon today. We firmly believe that you just need to be patient a little and then your loved one will finally make a choice and finally leave the family. But what if this doesn’t happen? Should I endure a supporting role all my life or, closing my eyes, forget about my feelings and try to build a new life, but without him? Or maybe fight for your happiness to the end and take decisive measures, without fear of receiving the condemnation of others and the lifelong status of a “cunning homewrecker”? Today we will talk to you about the unenviable role of mistresses and men leading a double life.

Oh times, oh morals!

If earlier the institution of marriage was considered sacred and for leaving the family a man was stigmatized by everyone around him, including even the team at work, today the situation looks different. With the change in the world around us, the attitude towards mistresses has also changed - today it is no longer so clear-cut. And the “background” women themselves perceive their status in a completely different way and are ready to fight for personal happiness, using the entire available arsenal of available means.

Why is this happening? Firstly, nowadays people approach marriage more easily, and divorce no longer seems to many to be a global catastrophe. We got married, lived together, but, alas, it didn’t work out - so what now, should I blame myself for this for the rest of my life? Yes, and today not all wives are ready to lynch a homewrecker after discovering the fact of adultery, since many of them understand that betrayal is always the action of not one person, but two, one of whom is the ex-husband, and therefore the blame for what happened does not lie only on the opponent.

Moreover, in modern realities it often turns out that the “long-legged bitch” who took her husband away from the family turned out to be a victim herself, because for the time being she did not even suspect that her husband was married.

Divorce is not always a disaster

The destruction of a marriage in itself does not always bring pain and suffering, and sometimes even, on the contrary, becomes a real salvation for both ex-spouses. Of course, a lot depends on the family atmosphere. When a woman lives without even suspecting that there is something wrong in her relationship with her husband, his departure can be very painful for her, especially if there are children in the family. And it’s sad if, even over time, she cannot come to terms with the status of “abandoned” and throughout her life she will take out her anger and resentment on her runaway husband through her child and those around her. But no less often there are other situations when, over time, the abandoned spouse realizes that everything happened for the better, meets another person, starts a new life and perceives an unfulfilled marriage as an experience necessary for personal change.

Psychologists believe that men decide to leave the family for only two reasons. The first is when marriage as such no longer exists, it falls apart before our eyes and its fragments are simply impossible to collect. The second is if he really fell in love with another woman and is ready for global changes in his life.

If there is no longer a marriage

The third party in a love triangle most often appears when a man’s relationship with his legal wife can hardly be called happy. The paradox is that the spouse most often does not specifically look for some kind of “outlet” and can exist in this mode for a long time, until an external push accidentally occurs. A man, tired of the constant nagging and attacks of his wife, who sees only his negative qualities, is no longer in a hurry to go home after work and is constantly in a bad mood. And then suddenly, like a bolt from the blue, SHE appears - completely different from his wife, kind, smiling, sweet, caring, ready to listen to all his problems and non-reproachful. And, of course, in this situation, relationships on the side become for him a way out of the boring darkness.

Similar situations often occur when spouses no longer love each other, but live together solely for the sake of children or for some other reasons that make living together simply convenient for both of them. And then the role of a mistress turns out to be saving not only for the man, but also for the woman he leaves behind, since divorce gives them both a chance to build a new, truly happy life. It sounds surprising, but sometimes in such situations the ex-wife and mistress subsequently even communicate quite adequately with each other.

The main indicator of the seriousness of a man’s intentions to enter into a new relationship is a fairly quick separation from his past life. This usually happens in a very short time - from several weeks to a couple of months. The most important thing for a mistress in this case is not to rush her lover to a decision. If he really loves you, he will do it himself. Therefore, if you have just started a relationship with a married person and feel that this is your person, give him some time, and do not issue ultimatums from the “it’s either me or her” series on the second date.

If you wait 10 years

In contrast to situations when a man quickly makes a decision, says goodbye to the past and starts a new life with a new lover, sadder cases are no less common when a double life drags on not even for months, but for years. A man can fool his mistress for a very long time, constantly postponing the decision to leave his legal wife until later, finding all sorts of excuses for such behavior: “Let the child go to school first, and then I’ll tell her,” “My wife is seriously ill now, I don’t want her yet.” to upset me any more, let’s put it off until later,” “I have an important project at work, and I don’t need any extra hassle, so when I finish it, I’ll immediately tell my wife about us.” And then it turns out that your wife is not only not sick, but is also pregnant with a second or third child, although your lover said that there has been no intimacy between them since the moment you met.

At the same time, your life with a man can resemble a love affair: with hundreds of SMS a day, secret meetings, whispered calls from the toilet and... holidays and weekends spent alone. It turns out that the gentleman seems to exist, but at the same time, for some reason, he cannot be there at the most necessary moments.

Why is this happening? In this case, the mistress is simply an outlet for the man. Yes, of course, he loves her in his own way, appreciates her and is afraid of losing her, but he has no intention of leaving his wife, with whom he has lived much longer. He is quite happy with rare meetings, violent sex and the state of euphoria that he experiences when he is with another girl, but, alas, he cannot imagine life with her. There is even such a saying among men: they say, if you first got married and then fell in love, there is no need to change your mind, because over time, the relationship with your second wife will turn into the same routine. Therefore, it is better to just carefully “hang out” and enjoy it, and when you get tired of it, return to your normal life.

If your relationship with a man develops exactly according to this scenario, the best way out would be to overcome yourself and break this union, since such cases very rarely end with a “happy ending”. If you cannot imagine life without your loved one, come to terms with the role of “second wife” destined for you and do not entertain yourself with vain illusions that someday this man will become exclusively yours. As practice shows, if he did not leave the family immediately or at least during the first year of the relationship, he will never leave.

Habit of getting married

There is another possible situation. Some men (usually creative and passionate people) simply fall in love very often and each time they think that this is finally “for life.” They easily move from one woman to another, and each of them is certainly taken to the registry office. Usually, such gentlemen have at least three ex-wives and one more “current” in their “track record”. Such “walkers” can leave their next spouse for your sake without any mental anguish and almost the next day after the divorce offer their hand, heart and passport stamp to you. As a rule, the mistress immediately melts at the opportunity to fulfill her dream and joyfully agrees. Family happiness lasts until the next beauty in a miniskirt appears on the horizon.

If you know that your chosen one has been married more than once or twice, think carefully about whether the gamble is worth the candle. Most likely, you will waste your own time and nerves, and as a result you will find yourself just another name in the endless series of Mash, Yul and Katya, because it is precisely such men that the saying “the grave will straighten the hunchback” fits perfectly.

How to rush things or tricks of experienced lovers

If you have thought carefully and are sure that you want to connect your life with this particular man, but you no longer have the strength to wait until he himself makes a decision in your favor, you can try to use some proven method from the collection of experienced mistresses. True, none of them can guarantee a specific and accurate result that will completely suit you, since much depends on the nature of relationships in the family, the personality of your spouse and his own attitude towards your behavior.

The most logical thing you can do to push a man to divorce is tell his wife about your relationship. If he's in no hurry, let her do it! You can give this push in different ways. If you don’t want a man to understand that you are doing this on purpose, try “accidentally” leaving a lipstick mark on his shirt, “forgetting” your panties or earring in his apartment or car, sending a sweet SMS while he asked not to do this, citing the fact that it completely slipped your mind that his wife could be nearby now.

You can also call him at his home number and, if his wife answers the phone, for a few seconds be silent and then hang up. Such periodically repeated calls will make a woman feel something is wrong and begin to take a closer look at her husband’s behavior, and sooner or later she will definitely catch him on something, especially if you have already “tried” with lipstick, panties or SMS.

You can turn on your internal detective, find out your wife’s email address or her social network page and send yours there a photo with your loved one. True, in this case it will be quite obvious to the man who did it.

Can post a photo together on your own page, especially if you and your loved one have mutual friends who also know his wife. In this case, there is a high probability that one of the “vigilant” acquaintances will forward this photo to the recipient. To the man’s question “why?” you can come up with an innocent excuse from the series “I uploaded a lot of photos at once and our photo accidentally ended up there, and I didn’t even notice!”

If you are a supporter of radical measures and are not afraid of a man’s anger, call or text his wife directly, and honestly tell her that you are her husband’s mistress. If you are not afraid, you can show up directly to her home or make an appointment in a neutral place, for example, in a cafe, and honestly talk about what is happening behind her back. At the same time, it is important to emphasize that everything is wonderful between you and you are simply tired of such a good woman (wife) being led by the nose for so long. We can say that your meeting should be a secret, since the man was going to tell everything anyway, and you thus decided, out of female solidarity, to mentally prepare your spouse.

You can also act through the man himself: throw him constant tantrums, saying that you are tired of waiting, demanding that he finally decide “either I or she.” At the same time, it is important to prepare yourself for the fact that he may make a decision that is not in your favor. Hysterics can be replaced with heart-to-heart conversations, complaining about uncertainty, showing that you are falling into depression and not sleeping at night because of this unresolved situation.

Another radical way - announce your pregnancy. It’s up to you to decide who exactly to tell: either the deceived wife (so that she “gets into the situation”), or the cheater, or both of them. True, this must be done very carefully so that your deception is not revealed later. Of course, it is possible to imagine a medical error or a miscarriage later, but not every man will believe it. It would be much more honest to really do everything possible so that the pregnancy does occur, and with minor discrepancies in the period within a couple of weeks, questions will not arise later. However, do not forget that this method is a double-edged sword. If your husband and his wife do not have children, then he may sincerely rejoice at the possible pregnancy and decide that everything happened for the better, but another gentleman in a similar situation, on the contrary, will behave like bestials - he will simply cut off all ties with you or disappear, promising "help financially." And most importantly: if you are thinking about pregnancy, think about whether you are really ready to give birth to a child from this particular person, despite the possible risk of breaking up with him.

As you can see, not in all cases, trying to rush things will make you look decent. Forcing a situation where you force a man to leave the family, according to psychologists, can come back to haunt you in the future. If his decision turned out to be “forced” and not carefully weighed, more than once during quarrels you will hear reproaches from him that because of you he abandoned his family. That is why it is better to wait until your chosen one makes a decision on his own, taking responsibility for its consequences, and not trying to transfer it to you in case your future life together turns out to be not very rosy.

And a little about ex-wives

We are all different people. And if someone, being in the role of a mistress, does not think at all about how a man’s departure from the family will affect his abandoned wife, then someone else even sincerely worries about the ex-wife of their lover. It's not really you who needs to think about this. Marriage is a matter of only two people, which means its breakup is too. You have nothing to do with this, because if people truly love each other, no tricks from the outside will force them to separate. The family should be protected by the one who creates it.

And if you are still worried, remember the numerous situations where abandoned women, having survived a painful blow and difficult rehabilitation after it, went through a complete renewal. They began to have a new attitude towards themselves and their lives, realized their own mistakes that took place in a failed marriage, and in a new relationship they will do everything possible not to repeat them. This is why, according to statistics, the second marriage is almost always stronger than the first.

In general, to avoid such problems, it is better to simply not start relationships with married men and you will be happy!

“Why doesn’t he leave his wife?” is a question often asked to psychologists by mistresses exhausted by waiting. Really, why? After all, he says that he loves her, cannot live without her, and has an ardent passion for her. But he continues to feed his beloved with promises and... remains in the family. And this goes on for years.
It's actually simple. In order for everything to remain the same, the man has good reasons. Which?..

List of excuses

If you listen to all the reasons that men express (or, in today’s language, “rub in”) to their mistresses, there are several of them. All of them are standard and have been known for a long time. Apparently, men don’t have enough imagination for more.

1. The wife has become different, not the same as before. I stopped taking care of myself and became unattractive. There has been nothing connecting him and his wife for a long time; they are strangers and simply coexist. Of course, they haven't slept together for a long time.
In fact, this is a lie. In 90% of cases, the wife is a normal attractive woman with whom he sleeps peacefully. Yes, this does not happen as often as before, because he is somewhat bored with family sex. But still, he fulfills his marital duties as expected. It is known that a man needs novelty. A lover becomes a cure for boredom: she excites him, warms his blood, with her he feels in demand, courageous, desired, feels that he is still wow!

2. The wife does not look after the house, children, and neglects household responsibilities. She is only interested in her friends and work.
In fact, in most cases, everything is fine in the family: there is a three-course dinner in the refrigerator, the apartment is cleaned, the children are well-groomed. We all know that modern women try to keep up on all fronts. They go to work, earn money, and in the evenings they work hard at home, prepare food, look after the children.

3. “My wife is sick, I’m afraid to upset her. She won’t stand my leaving, it will finish her off.”
Oh, these songs about a sick wife... In fact, the wife is alive and well. If you want to make sure of this, watch her at her house or look for her page on social networks, where she is depicted in photographs.

4. “I only live with her because of the children.”
This may be true. Although having children will not stop most men from getting a divorce if they actually decide to leave the family. You can be a good father even after a divorce.

5. “I’ll get a divorce when the child graduates from school, college, gets a job, gets married, gets married...” (fill in as necessary).
The wait for a child to achieve this or that can last for years or even decades. The child has grown up a long time ago, but things are still there, new reasons are being invented.

6. Your lover must be sent on an important business trip (promoted, etc.), and a divorce will prevent this.
Etc.

“Not a single man who has a mistress told her that his wife is very good, satisfies him in bed, and is at the same time a good mother and housewife,” says psychologist Victoria Fadeeva. - None. The psyche of men is designed in such a way that they do not like change, and change their lives only in one case: if they are completely dissatisfied with life with a woman. If a man doesn’t want to change anything, it means only one thing: he’s happy with everything. There is no other option. If your loved one does not consider it necessary to change anything, it means that they have much more in common with their wife than with you. Each of you plays your roles in this performance. The most profitable role went to your man. You satisfy many of his needs, he has romantic sex, a fairy tale, novelty of sensations, satisfied pride and the ability to control the situation, since at any moment he can get up and leave, citing the fact that his “unloved” wife is waiting for him. But at home he receives satisfaction of a different order, and this other is no less important to him than yours. And, perhaps, more, since he worries about his wife’s psychological comfort, but not about yours. Your beautiful story about how he doesn’t love his wife is your vision of the situation. This is your perspective. You don’t see their relationship, you don’t watch them from the outside, you don’t live that family life...”

He is cozy and comfortable, he has everything

Why would he, in fact, ruin his life and go somewhere? He has everything: a well-established life, a house, children. When he comes home from work, his family greets him and rejoices. On weekends and holidays, the whole family goes to their parents or goes with the children to a museum or skating rink. Everything is fine with them.

Yes, the man is somewhat bored with family sex, it has become prosaic, it lacks sharpness and novelty. But that's what a mistress is for. She is always waiting, always happy, always ready. She carefully prepares for each date: she puts on makeup, combs her hair, and dresses smartly. Her eyes sparkle, she serves a beautiful dinner, then violent sex with passions takes place. Everything is great!
Why would he change anything? Why should he destroy his established life and set off on a “new voyage” with many unknowns?..
He has no serious reasons to get a divorce. Everything suits him. And if so, why leave the family?

Family is not only love, sex, romance

Family is something more. This is a common life, friendship, trust, support. This is a history of relationships, common memories, a single circle of friends, multiple family and friendly ties. Finally, this is a long-term habit.
Having a family, a man has a strong social position. To abandon her like this, overnight, means to find yourself in emptiness. And this is a very difficult feeling.

In addition, there are many official problems. How to divide property: apartment, car, dacha, garage and much more? Who will the children stay with? After all, they have to pay alimony, and this is a serious burden on the budget. Too many problems pile up, the man turns away from them, he doesn’t need them. It’s easier to come up with an excuse for your beloved and close the issue for some time.

Of course, coming up with reasons why he cannot leave the family, the man realizes that he is deceiving his mistress. This makes it hard for him, he worries in his soul. Then he begins to deceive himself, telling himself: “Someday later I will do this. Necessarily…". He comes up with some deadlines for himself and constantly pushes them back. It seems to him that he is not deceiving anyone, only objective circumstances for some reason get in the way.

How to get out of a vicious circle?

So, the man has no incentive to leave the family. On the one hand, he has wild sex, vivid emotions, and a woman in love with him. On the other hand, he has a home and an established family life. Why would he suddenly give it all up?
Now, if his mistress had set a condition for him: “Get a divorce, or it’s all over!” - then he would have thought about it.

But this can only be done when passions are still strong, when they seethe and boil. During this period, a man is in love, he lost his head from attraction and novelty. This usually happens in the first year of a relationship. And then the usual routine begins to creep up. Even if the relationship continues to exist, it becomes more mundane, ordinary, and is no longer as exciting.

Therefore, if the beloved really understood that this is the man of her life and she wants to be with him until the end, then she must set him a condition and a strict deadline: “If you want to be with me, first get a divorce. Now go away. I give you two months to make a decision and do everything. Otherwise it’s over and don’t come back.”
And close the door behind him. Do not answer calls, SMS, delete him from your contacts.
Under no circumstances should you let him near you - under any circumstances! Unless a woman can stand the separation and breaks down and lets him in again - all is lost. The man will understand that she will always forgive and accept him.
Such a relationship can drag on for years and ruin a woman’s life. She will lose several years, grow old, and become rancid. It may take a lot of time to restore peace of mind.

According to statistics, 85 percent of unfaithful husbands do not intend to leave their family, says psychologist Natalya Mikhailova. Other experts give the following figure: only 12% of unfaithful husbands divorce their wives and marry their mistresses. It turns out that only one out of seven or eight men is ready to start building a new life for the sake of their beloved.
What should those women do who are not so lucky?..

“Statistics show that if a man does not change anything in his life within a year from the start of romantic encounters, then with a 99% probability he does not want to build a relationship with this mistress,” continues Victoria Fadeeva. - A love story lasting more than a year is unlikely to have a serious continuation. What to do? Change your behavioral script. Stop being "nice". Claim your rights, set boundaries, set conditions. If your man truly values ​​you, he will accept responsibility for making decisions and stop living in two houses. Having set the conditions, be consistent, do not compromise, think about yourself and your future.”